Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Attitude Adjustment"Shenanigans on the frontier
14 total reviews
Comment from CHANYA MASHENGU
around and rushed Doo with his arms spread out. With his arms spread Doo knew if Rogers got him in a hug that would be all she wrote.
Kindly use grammerly to spell check.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
   |
around and rushed Doo with his arms spread out. With his arms spread Doo knew if Rogers got him in a hug that would be all she wrote.
Kindly use grammerly to spell check.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2020
-
Thank you for reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from Sefiros
When you're writing two different narratives, you should have some background info to determine the connection between the worlds. Start the chapter with something as "Rosalina lifted her gaze from the manuscript to watch her boys work." That tells the reader that Rosalina is a writer, and so the new reader has something to start with. Anyway, good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2020
|
When you're writing two different narratives, you should have some background info to determine the connection between the worlds. Start the chapter with something as "Rosalina lifted her gaze from the manuscript to watch her boys work." That tells the reader that Rosalina is a writer, and so the new reader has something to start with. Anyway, good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2020
-
Since you jumped in at chapter 11 you don?t know the whole story. Roseanne isn?t a writer she?s telling the story to her grandchildren. That is what the prologue to each chapter is. How about looking at the other ones then reread this chapter, I think it will be clearer for you.
Comment from aryr
Wow, what a fight, Earl. You described the fight in great detail, I could see the blood, hear the crunch and even taste the blood. I guess Doo certainly told Smythe a thing or two and that he meant business. It was good that you split the tale between present day and the past. Great job, very much enjoyed, nicely penned.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
|
Wow, what a fight, Earl. You described the fight in great detail, I could see the blood, hear the crunch and even taste the blood. I guess Doo certainly told Smythe a thing or two and that he meant business. It was good that you split the tale between present day and the past. Great job, very much enjoyed, nicely penned.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
Thank you very much, I was afraid the fight scene wasn't long enough, but when you're fighting a giant you need to end it quick. I appreciate you reading and reviewing story.
-
You are so welcome, Earl. Yep, when fighting a giant it does need to be quick.
Comment from lyenochka
I liked how you connected the water drinking scene of the present storytelling time to the time of the told story. I wasn't prepared for the fight. Why did Bear attack Doo? And did Smythe ask Bear to fight him? Anyway, guess we don't have to worry about Bear anymore.
"Zack cut a glace to his mother " (glance?)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
|
I liked how you connected the water drinking scene of the present storytelling time to the time of the told story. I wasn't prepared for the fight. Why did Bear attack Doo? And did Smythe ask Bear to fight him? Anyway, guess we don't have to worry about Bear anymore.
"Zack cut a glace to his mother " (glance?)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
-
Thank you for catching the error. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.