The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A Twist of Faith"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
12 total reviews
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a great story and I eagerly await the next posting!
I saw several typos:
"I stooped on the steps and gave Maya my hand who held my son." (and gave Maya, who held my son, my hand.)
"Lydia clung to her man, like she had down (done) for thirty years."
"She looked at me with warm regrets (regret) that I had no one to hold like that with my one (own) husbands (husband's) remains in the dirt."
"I turned away and took on my son (took my son) and held him to my chest,"
" When the men arrived in the twilight from my cabin, they reported it still standing. I breathed a sigh and danced with my son with (more) relief than joy."
" Some building (buildings) were pried open as they had a lid removed."
"Then I locked eyes with the Indian girl of stark blue eyes, braided black hair, forced to where (wear) a feather on her head."
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reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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This is a great story and I eagerly await the next posting!
I saw several typos:
"I stooped on the steps and gave Maya my hand who held my son." (and gave Maya, who held my son, my hand.)
"Lydia clung to her man, like she had down (done) for thirty years."
"She looked at me with warm regrets (regret) that I had no one to hold like that with my one (own) husbands (husband's) remains in the dirt."
"I turned away and took on my son (took my son) and held him to my chest,"
" When the men arrived in the twilight from my cabin, they reported it still standing. I breathed a sigh and danced with my son with (more) relief than joy."
" Some building (buildings) were pried open as they had a lid removed."
"Then I locked eyes with the Indian girl of stark blue eyes, braided black hair, forced to where (wear) a feather on her head."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Thanks!
Comment from robyn corum
Stan,
Sad to read about the after-effects of the storm. I think we all have some experience with what a natural disaster can leave behind. Yikes. Baddddd stuff.
Some notes:
1.) I swear (it seemed like) we were in a crypt (more) than a root cellar.
2.) Mrs. McCord's (voice) shattered the silence. Her words (were) sharp as broken glass. "My husband!" My husband. He was checking the fence line."
--> delete the quotation marks in the middle
3.) No one replaces the one you('re) meant to love your whole life.
4.) out beside me like a wild mare. "For land(')s (s)ake!"
5.) (The) ground was churned up toward the town, as if God tilled a path toward it.
6.) Lydia clung to her man, like she had (done) for thirty years.
--> no comma
7.) no one to hold like that with my one husband(')s remains in the dirt.
8.) I breathed a sigh and danced with my son (in) relief (rather) than joy.
--> so you don't have two 'withs' right together
9.) Some building(s) were pried open as (if) they had a lid removed.
10.) and wagon, expecting to load up what remained (of) my possessions since pieces and parts of the hotel were gone.
--> no damage to any of her stuff? Not even wet maybe?
11.) But I have clear word not to meddle with the town('s) business.
12.) Then I locked eyes with the Indian girl of stark blue eyes, braided black hair, forced to (wear) a feather on her head.
--> I'm not sure how she would know by looking that this girl is forced to wear a feather in her hair...? Maybe she wants to wear it?
That's it. Nice chapter - thanks!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
 |
Stan,
Sad to read about the after-effects of the storm. I think we all have some experience with what a natural disaster can leave behind. Yikes. Baddddd stuff.
Some notes:
1.) I swear (it seemed like) we were in a crypt (more) than a root cellar.
2.) Mrs. McCord's (voice) shattered the silence. Her words (were) sharp as broken glass. "My husband!" My husband. He was checking the fence line."
--> delete the quotation marks in the middle
3.) No one replaces the one you('re) meant to love your whole life.
4.) out beside me like a wild mare. "For land(')s (s)ake!"
5.) (The) ground was churned up toward the town, as if God tilled a path toward it.
6.) Lydia clung to her man, like she had (done) for thirty years.
--> no comma
7.) no one to hold like that with my one husband(')s remains in the dirt.
8.) I breathed a sigh and danced with my son (in) relief (rather) than joy.
--> so you don't have two 'withs' right together
9.) Some building(s) were pried open as (if) they had a lid removed.
10.) and wagon, expecting to load up what remained (of) my possessions since pieces and parts of the hotel were gone.
--> no damage to any of her stuff? Not even wet maybe?
11.) But I have clear word not to meddle with the town('s) business.
12.) Then I locked eyes with the Indian girl of stark blue eyes, braided black hair, forced to (wear) a feather on her head.
--> I'm not sure how she would know by looking that this girl is forced to wear a feather in her hair...? Maybe she wants to wear it?
That's it. Nice chapter - thanks!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020