Joined at the Hip
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Pitchfork!"Bill and Cathy's hearts beat as one!
24 total reviews
Comment from D.S. Knight
1. An appropriate telling of the terror of a tornado; thanks
2. Use of quotation marks is confusing, e.g., at the beginning of the first paragraph
3. Speech volume disparity between paragraph 3 and paragraph 5; he's yelling to be heard and then he's heard whilst whispering
4. Even with your Special Note about words, speech patterns and vocabulary are inconsistent throughout this chapter
5. In the "Hurry, Ol' Woman" sequence, there is no need to repeat Bob's name unless Cecile is not the wife of Bob
6. In an emergency situation with time running out to save Bob, why is Grandpa going to run out to Cecile, bring her back to the house and then go rescue Bob? If she is already headed to the house, this doesn't seem consistent with the urgency mentioned.
7. I'm not sure why you consider this ending to be a cliffhanger.
8. Thank you very much for an interesting story!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-May-2020
   |
1. An appropriate telling of the terror of a tornado; thanks
2. Use of quotation marks is confusing, e.g., at the beginning of the first paragraph
3. Speech volume disparity between paragraph 3 and paragraph 5; he's yelling to be heard and then he's heard whilst whispering
4. Even with your Special Note about words, speech patterns and vocabulary are inconsistent throughout this chapter
5. In the "Hurry, Ol' Woman" sequence, there is no need to repeat Bob's name unless Cecile is not the wife of Bob
6. In an emergency situation with time running out to save Bob, why is Grandpa going to run out to Cecile, bring her back to the house and then go rescue Bob? If she is already headed to the house, this doesn't seem consistent with the urgency mentioned.
7. I'm not sure why you consider this ending to be a cliffhanger.
8. Thank you very much for an interesting story!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-May-2020
reply by the author on 26-May-2020
-
Hello, D.S.!
I read your Profile "ABOUT." I saw that you joined FanStory in April 2020; yet, have no accomplishments, fans or followers. I reviewed "Burke-r." May I say, "You are quite opinionated!" You speak (write) as if your opinions are facts rather than mere beliefs. My thoughts: "You are conceitedly assertive and dogmatic!" Good luck for acceptance on FanStory. Best wishes and God Bless. Respectfully, Cathy and Bill
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
Wow! This is thrilling! You've written so well. "Hurry, Ol' Woman! There's a tornado headin' our way and it's as big as Texas!" got me rolling in laughter. Lol! More ink to your pen as you keep them coming. My very best wishes!
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
|
Wow! This is thrilling! You've written so well. "Hurry, Ol' Woman! There's a tornado headin' our way and it's as big as Texas!" got me rolling in laughter. Lol! More ink to your pen as you keep them coming. My very best wishes!
Comment Written 26-May-2020
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
-
A "SALUTE," PO! It's great hearing from you, our dear friend Thanks for the review, kind words and taking time to read our work. Best wishes for an awesome weekend and God Bless. Respectfully with Admiration, Cathy and Bill.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Cathy and Bill,
What a wonderful piece of Romance Fiction this is!
It's rich in all respects: Phraseology is impressive as well as perfectly matching the theme; Captivating Non-Stop flow throughout from the beginning to the end; Depicting the effects of 'Tornado', thrill, romance, courageous activities of the characters.
Moreover, the safe End working as a HOOK.
2nd paragraph and the last part of the chapter are particularly noteworthy.
INTERESTING Indeed!
I'm eagerly waiting for the 5th Chapter.
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
 |
Hello Cathy and Bill,
What a wonderful piece of Romance Fiction this is!
It's rich in all respects: Phraseology is impressive as well as perfectly matching the theme; Captivating Non-Stop flow throughout from the beginning to the end; Depicting the effects of 'Tornado', thrill, romance, courageous activities of the characters.
Moreover, the safe End working as a HOOK.
2nd paragraph and the last part of the chapter are particularly noteworthy.
INTERESTING Indeed!
I'm eagerly waiting for the 5th Chapter.
Comment Written 26-May-2020
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
-
A "SALUTE," RP! Great hearing from you, our dear friend. Thanks for the "Exceptional" review, kind words and taking time to read our work. It is an honor having an "Awesome writer" (YOU) to express admiration for our work. Best wishes for a great weekend and God Bless. Respectfully with Admiration, Cathy and Bill.
-
Cathy and Bill, Most Welcome!
&
Thanks for so lovely words and Blessings.
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Lovely scary story! I feel like these folks are kin and I'm right along with the action. Can hardly wait to read chapter five. Poor Grandpa!
Well done on this chapter!
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
|
Lovely scary story! I feel like these folks are kin and I'm right along with the action. Can hardly wait to read chapter five. Poor Grandpa!
Well done on this chapter!
Comment Written 25-May-2020
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
-
A "SALUTE," Rebecca! Great hearing from you, our dear friend. Thanks for the "Exceptional" review, kind words and taking time to read our work. It is an honor having an awesome writer (YOU) to express admiration for our work. Best wishes for a great weekend and God Bless. Respectfully with Admiration, Cathy and Bill.
-
Oh, my. I'm just having fun, while enjoying the professionals' work. Thanks for the compliment though.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
WOW!
What an exciting chapter, Bill and Cathy. I love the way this one picks up with the tornado bearing down on everyone. It is well-presented--not just saying the tornado did this or that, but really getting to the 'meat' of the tornado as the important event throughout the chapter. In addition, I love the dialect of the Smoky Mountain people and how it shows up throughout the chapter. That adds relevancy to each character--more on this later.
The description of the tornado was intense from the 'things twirlin' everywhere including the tire and pitchfork and how the sky darkened.' I love how Bill tried to calm Cathy as they run for the bridge. When he said, "the tornado doesn't care . . .that put them( and all people in its path) at its mercy." But his way of dealing with it to pray to the Lord--awesome!
Readers can feel Grandpa's determination to get home to warn Grandma. When he finds out about Cecile, it is in his character to try to save her. Again, his faith is evident. After he found Bob, the immediacy of rescuing him and then both finding shelter is written with awesome imagery. Bob's dialect is perfectly written. He knew, too, the danger both were in. I could see the tornado as it slammed into the barn--what a horrible thing for Grandpa and Bob to experience. I imagine Grandpa had been in several tornados in his life there on the farm. He is well aware of their destructiveness in lives lost and property damage.
When they reach Bill's home, it is just like Bill to immediately wonder where Grandpa is. With strength and determination, like that of Grandpa, he made it his mission to find Grandpa and Bob. The well-chosen words of his discovery about what had transpired were riveting. It left readers wondering if one, or both, had survived. Then. . .the cliffhanger. Will Grandpa survive? Oh, I can hardly wait to find out. What an ending.
The book cover design is AWESOME. This is an EXCEPTIONAL chapter in writing, technical aspects, imagery, and insights into the characters personalities. I know the next one will be as well-done as this one.
Thanks Bill and Cathy for sharing. Until next time . . .
Respectfully with Love and Admiration, Laura Jan
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
|
WOW!
What an exciting chapter, Bill and Cathy. I love the way this one picks up with the tornado bearing down on everyone. It is well-presented--not just saying the tornado did this or that, but really getting to the 'meat' of the tornado as the important event throughout the chapter. In addition, I love the dialect of the Smoky Mountain people and how it shows up throughout the chapter. That adds relevancy to each character--more on this later.
The description of the tornado was intense from the 'things twirlin' everywhere including the tire and pitchfork and how the sky darkened.' I love how Bill tried to calm Cathy as they run for the bridge. When he said, "the tornado doesn't care . . .that put them( and all people in its path) at its mercy." But his way of dealing with it to pray to the Lord--awesome!
Readers can feel Grandpa's determination to get home to warn Grandma. When he finds out about Cecile, it is in his character to try to save her. Again, his faith is evident. After he found Bob, the immediacy of rescuing him and then both finding shelter is written with awesome imagery. Bob's dialect is perfectly written. He knew, too, the danger both were in. I could see the tornado as it slammed into the barn--what a horrible thing for Grandpa and Bob to experience. I imagine Grandpa had been in several tornados in his life there on the farm. He is well aware of their destructiveness in lives lost and property damage.
When they reach Bill's home, it is just like Bill to immediately wonder where Grandpa is. With strength and determination, like that of Grandpa, he made it his mission to find Grandpa and Bob. The well-chosen words of his discovery about what had transpired were riveting. It left readers wondering if one, or both, had survived. Then. . .the cliffhanger. Will Grandpa survive? Oh, I can hardly wait to find out. What an ending.
The book cover design is AWESOME. This is an EXCEPTIONAL chapter in writing, technical aspects, imagery, and insights into the characters personalities. I know the next one will be as well-done as this one.
Thanks Bill and Cathy for sharing. Until next time . . .
Respectfully with Love and Admiration, Laura Jan
Comment Written 25-May-2020
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
-
A "SALUTE," Laura Jan! Great hearing from you. Quite an "ASTONISHING REVIEW!" Thanks for the kind words and taking time to read our work. It is an honor having an AWESOME WRITER (YOU) to express admiration for our work. Best wishes for a great weekend and God Bless. Respectfully with Admiration, Cathy and Bill.
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
I loved this other than one thing, and it was just an oversight surely. You use dialect, but you forget in a few places, such as where the guy tells her to keep 'holding' his hand when the rest of the words end with in'. I still thnk this was an excellent read.
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
|
I loved this other than one thing, and it was just an oversight surely. You use dialect, but you forget in a few places, such as where the guy tells her to keep 'holding' his hand when the rest of the words end with in'. I still thnk this was an excellent read.
Comment Written 25-May-2020
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
-
A "SALUTE," Amanda! Thanks for the review, kind words, feedback and taking time to read our work. Best wishes for an awesome weekend and God Bless. Respectfully with Admiration, Cathy and Bill.
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, Great chapter and really action packed.it sounds and looks as if Grandpa has seen the last of this world, but then again, you never know when it comes to him. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
|
Hi there, Great chapter and really action packed.it sounds and looks as if Grandpa has seen the last of this world, but then again, you never know when it comes to him. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 25-May-2020
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
-
A "SALUTE," Ulla! Great hearing from you. Thanks for the review, kind words and taking time to read our work. It is an honor having an "AWESOME WRITER," (YOU) to express admiration for our work. Best wishes for a great weekend and God Bless. Respectfully with Admiration, Cathy and Bill.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Well moving right along your story can easily say "never a dull moment."
The demolition from the tornado is well covered and the state of Grandpa is a cliffhanger. Slowly the parties are getting back together, but with very evident dire circumstances.
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
|
Well moving right along your story can easily say "never a dull moment."
The demolition from the tornado is well covered and the state of Grandpa is a cliffhanger. Slowly the parties are getting back together, but with very evident dire circumstances.
Comment Written 25-May-2020
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
-
A "SALUTE," Raffaelina! Great hearing from you. Thanks for the review, kind words and taking time to read our work. It is an honor having an awesome writer (YOU) to express admiration for our work. Best wishes for a great weekend and God Bless. Respectfully with Admiration, Cathy and Bill.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
The Pitchfork!
by Commando
Hello, my friends,
Nice collaboration. I wrote books with Dean Kuch and other authors. You guy did a good job. I enjoyed the story. You got a little of everything... Tornado, moonshine, and murder...poor grandpa.
Well done.
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
|
The Pitchfork!
by Commando
Hello, my friends,
Nice collaboration. I wrote books with Dean Kuch and other authors. You guy did a good job. I enjoyed the story. You got a little of everything... Tornado, moonshine, and murder...poor grandpa.
Well done.
Comment Written 25-May-2020
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
-
A "SALUTE," Gypsy! Great hearing from you, our dear friend. Thanks for the review, kind words and taking time to read our work. Best wishes for an awesome weekend and God Bless. Respectfully with Admiration, Cathy and Bill.
Comment from Shirley McLain
A wonderful chapter to read as usual. It is sad Grandpa was killed by the pitchfork. You did a good job. I did find one thing I've put below. Have a great week. Shirley
he tornado slammed into the barn taking half the time away, (This part of your sentence doesn't make sense to me.
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
|
A wonderful chapter to read as usual. It is sad Grandpa was killed by the pitchfork. You did a good job. I did find one thing I've put below. Have a great week. Shirley
he tornado slammed into the barn taking half the time away, (This part of your sentence doesn't make sense to me.
Comment Written 25-May-2020
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
-
A "SALUTE," Shirley! Thanks for the review, kind words and taking time to read our work. Best wishes for an awesome weekend and God Bless. Respectfully with Admiration, Cathy and Bill