Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Boyish Love"Musings of an old man -2020
19 total reviews
Comment from Puzzle
Awe this is beautiful. I really enjoyed reading this. I love hearing of stories of boys who fall madly in love with girls. I guess I'm a old romantic at heart. Great job!
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Awe this is beautiful. I really enjoyed reading this. I love hearing of stories of boys who fall madly in love with girls. I guess I'm a old romantic at heart. Great job!
Comment Written 07-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Puzzle. thanks a vein effort at writing sonnet, not my best style but a boy inside me style feels like a student.
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
Some of the rhymes don't really work. There should be an apostrophe in 'maidens.' 'Laddies' and 'ladies' is an example of what I meant about the rhymes.
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reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Some of the rhymes don't really work. There should be an apostrophe in 'maidens.' 'Laddies' and 'ladies' is an example of what I meant about the rhymes.
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Comment Written 07-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Amanda, I appreciate your rating on my very sophomoric attempt on my first sonnet. The only way I could go as a result is up...
Comment from Marjon van Bruggen
Oh, that fragile transition from boy to man. How the boy starts seeing the woman in a girl, his feelings connected with this new awareness. It is not easy to find the right words to express those moments. I thought that this poem was a very good attempt.
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Oh, that fragile transition from boy to man. How the boy starts seeing the woman in a girl, his feelings connected with this new awareness. It is not easy to find the right words to express those moments. I thought that this poem was a very good attempt.
Comment Written 07-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Thank you Marjon, those were testy days in life.
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smile
Comment from Y. M. Roger
What a lovely story told in poetic form! ;) :) It is an unusual choice for a sonnet in 10-9-10-9...?? But such a great rhyme of a 'story of old'! ;) :) Thanx for sharing, JLR! :)
maidens cherry lips --> maiden's cherry lips
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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What a lovely story told in poetic form! ;) :) It is an unusual choice for a sonnet in 10-9-10-9...?? But such a great rhyme of a 'story of old'! ;) :) Thanx for sharing, JLR! :)
maidens cherry lips --> maiden's cherry lips
Comment Written 07-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Yvette, practice I continue to do. I am going to take James (Jim) Bartletts class on metre coming up on FS this fall. Perhaps my sophomoric will begin to reflect imporvement.
Comment from The_Boy_Whodunnit
I think this is a very descriptive poem that shares with great description the emotion and situation very well.
I think there are a few parts I would look at, as a sonnet. Of course the great thing about the rules of form are that they are there to be broken. I couldn't identify a clear turn after line 8, I think with the but on line 5 this confuses things, this usually signals the turn at line 9. Also some of the meter isn't clear. For example line 2 - story - the line should end on the stressed syllable, but the - st- is the stressed part. There are also some lines only counting 9 syllables - A wise woman, who fits hand to glove.
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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I think this is a very descriptive poem that shares with great description the emotion and situation very well.
I think there are a few parts I would look at, as a sonnet. Of course the great thing about the rules of form are that they are there to be broken. I couldn't identify a clear turn after line 8, I think with the but on line 5 this confuses things, this usually signals the turn at line 9. Also some of the meter isn't clear. For example line 2 - story - the line should end on the stressed syllable, but the - st- is the stressed part. There are also some lines only counting 9 syllables - A wise woman, who fits hand to glove.
Comment Written 07-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Dear friend, I am so very appreciative of your input! I realize my sophomoric abilities are being exposed, but I liken myself like a sponge sopping up all the wonderful pools of knowledge being offered, such as yourself, and take every comment to heart, Thank you!
Comment from Margaret Bednar
Any attempt at this kind of structure, in my opinion, deserves a standing ovation. I think the last line of the second stanza is off - it kind of jams up there... as does the last line in the third stanza. Great attempt. just needs a bit of tweaking.
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Any attempt at this kind of structure, in my opinion, deserves a standing ovation. I think the last line of the second stanza is off - it kind of jams up there... as does the last line in the third stanza. Great attempt. just needs a bit of tweaking.
Comment Written 07-May-2020
reply by the author on 08-May-2020
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Margaret, thank you! I realize my sophomoric abilities are being exposed, but I liken myself like a sponge sopping up all the wonderful pools of knowledge being offered, such as yourself, and take every comment to heart, Thank you again!
Comment from lyenochka
I'm not quite sure about the message - I guess a comparison of youthful attractions with mature courtship? As for the sonnet form, it is in iambic pentameter. Some of your lines are but many are mixed in meter and have only 9 syllables.
"This maidens cherry lips, boys desired." (maiden's)
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
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I'm not quite sure about the message - I guess a comparison of youthful attractions with mature courtship? As for the sonnet form, it is in iambic pentameter. Some of your lines are but many are mixed in meter and have only 9 syllables.
"This maidens cherry lips, boys desired." (maiden's)
Comment Written 07-May-2020
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
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I am of course a student in much need to training, and am taking FS classes thanks for honest feedback. the only way I will learn by practice and lovely advice from friends such as you.
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You're so welcome. Are you taking Jim's class? He's an expert on sonnets and of course, I hope you are reviewing Dolly's Poems! She naturally thinks in sonnets.
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Yes, yes and yes! So much to learn and so far I have to go, such fun....
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Great! I wouldn't mind an occasional review sometime.
Comment from amada
I think this is a very auspicious attempt to a sonnet. I am not a master sonnet writer, I just can say that this work called to my sensitively of a loving couple reminiscent pf critical younger years. It has a melodious sound of how it was.
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
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I think this is a very auspicious attempt to a sonnet. I am not a master sonnet writer, I just can say that this work called to my sensitively of a loving couple reminiscent pf critical younger years. It has a melodious sound of how it was.
Comment Written 07-May-2020
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
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Amada, while not perfect it is my best attempt thus far. I do value every comment, the only way to learn it pracitce and share,
Comment from Sally Law
I'm sick for a six, dear J. If this is your first attempt at a Sonnet, you succeeded mightily. I wish my first attempt at anything was this good. Loved it.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally :))
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reply by the author on 07-May-2020
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I'm sick for a six, dear J. If this is your first attempt at a Sonnet, you succeeded mightily. I wish my first attempt at anything was this good. Loved it.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sally :))
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-May-2020
reply by the author on 07-May-2020
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Sally, you have no idea how many rewrites to had to do to come to this final submission, your validation is over the top to build my confidence to do this style of poems.
