Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Daughter's Prayers"Musings of an old man -2020
28 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
What a touching story! I'm wondering if it's a true story, about a real family, and if it is, I am truly sorry. The father is doing everything he can to help his little daughter understand, and the little girl's responses are precious.
I found some slight errors:
Little could tell her...
-->
Little could I tell her...
...God understood you were just sad." Sometimes, our bodies...
--->
God understood you were just sad. Sometimes, our bodies (remove mid-speech quotation marks)
I will tell God tonight, "thank you"
-->
I will tell God tonight, 'thank you' (quotes within a quote are single quotes)
"sweet daughter,...
-->
"Sweet daughter,...
Again, I was deeply touched by this heartbreaking but very touching story, so well written.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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What a touching story! I'm wondering if it's a true story, about a real family, and if it is, I am truly sorry. The father is doing everything he can to help his little daughter understand, and the little girl's responses are precious.
I found some slight errors:
Little could tell her...
-->
Little could I tell her...
...God understood you were just sad." Sometimes, our bodies...
--->
God understood you were just sad. Sometimes, our bodies (remove mid-speech quotation marks)
I will tell God tonight, "thank you"
-->
I will tell God tonight, 'thank you' (quotes within a quote are single quotes)
"sweet daughter,...
-->
"Sweet daughter,...
Again, I was deeply touched by this heartbreaking but very touching story, so well written.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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Mary Kay, as always, I am profoundly grateful for your reflection and wise council. I often, regret my composition skills are so sophomoric.
Best to you always!
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You're very welcome. I didn't think your composition skills were lacking, because of some very small errors. Yet I don't know who this is, and since there's an anonymous contest, I guess that's best -- for now :-)
Comment from Patty Palmer
How sad to lose a parent at such a tender age. It's hard for parents to tell their little ones that someone they love is going to live with God.
Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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How sad to lose a parent at such a tender age. It's hard for parents to tell their little ones that someone they love is going to live with God.
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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Patty, thank your for the review and reflection.
Comment from Bill Schott
This short short story, Daughter's Prayers, touches the heart of an old man who needed a sweet child to pray with the trust and innocence we all admire.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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This short short story, Daughter's Prayers, touches the heart of an old man who needed a sweet child to pray with the trust and innocence we all admire.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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Bill, I thank you for your review and comments.
Comment from samandlancelot
You captured well the viewpoint of the child in your story. I like that she was able to turn her daddy's sadness into something that made him glad, through her prayers. How sweet.
Little could (I) tell her it was from the tears all night I shed.
and that (that's) why He made a place where she will be
Patricia
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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You captured well the viewpoint of the child in your story. I like that she was able to turn her daddy's sadness into something that made him glad, through her prayers. How sweet.
Little could (I) tell her it was from the tears all night I shed.
and that (that's) why He made a place where she will be
Patricia
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2020
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Patrica, thank you so much!
Comment from Gideon300
What a touching story.
I really like the interchange between the father and daughter.
I like how they both comfort each other and acknowledge how sick the mom was and that she isn't suffering anymore.
Again touching, heartfelt and good writing.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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What a touching story.
I really like the interchange between the father and daughter.
I like how they both comfort each other and acknowledge how sick the mom was and that she isn't suffering anymore.
Again touching, heartfelt and good writing.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Gideon, thank you for your reflection!
Comment from jenintorre
This is such a sad story. I hope it is not autobiographical. I found one typo that needs correcting (there) their. I wish you lots of luck in the competition. Best wishes. Jen.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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This is such a sad story. I hope it is not autobiographical. I found one typo that needs correcting (there) their. I wish you lots of luck in the competition. Best wishes. Jen.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Jen, great catch! I am so grateful thanks!
Comment from Henry King
This is an excellent story for the, "Through the eyes of a child." writing prompt contest. The communication between the father and child projected your vision perfectly. It was well done.
I have a couple of suggestions, do with them as you may. In the second sentence, after the word Little type in the word I. In the paragraph that begins with, "I stroked her blond curls ... in the third line you typed ... "there plans...", it should be "their plans."
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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This is an excellent story for the, "Through the eyes of a child." writing prompt contest. The communication between the father and child projected your vision perfectly. It was well done.
I have a couple of suggestions, do with them as you may. In the second sentence, after the word Little type in the word I. In the paragraph that begins with, "I stroked her blond curls ... in the third line you typed ... "there plans...", it should be "their plans."
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Henry, I delight in your review and suggestions I had caught the typo but not the missing "I". I value your extra set of eyes! Thank you very much!
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Friend,
Marvelous piece of General Fiction meeting the desired norms, having impressive and perfectly matching the theme phraseology, and transparently depicting its theme in a heart-touching way.
Smooth, spontaneous, and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
Description of affection between father and daughter is quite natural, and particularly noteworthy.
Best of Luck!
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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Hello Friend,
Marvelous piece of General Fiction meeting the desired norms, having impressive and perfectly matching the theme phraseology, and transparently depicting its theme in a heart-touching way.
Smooth, spontaneous, and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end.
Description of affection between father and daughter is quite natural, and particularly noteworthy.
Best of Luck!
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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RPSaxena, WOW! I am so very appreciative of your six-star validation. I realize I write in a forum where there are so many extremely talented writers. I can't thank you enough!
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Hello Friend, Most Welcome!
&
Never think yourself less talented than all those "extremely talented writers."
Wish you a pleasant weekend,
RP
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
It is hard enough for a parent to accept the loss of a mate, but children also suffer just as bad in a child's way. The remaining parent's grief disturbs the child about as much as the disappearance of the parent who died. Very good writing.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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It is hard enough for a parent to accept the loss of a mate, but children also suffer just as bad in a child's way. The remaining parent's grief disturbs the child about as much as the disappearance of the parent who died. Very good writing.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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thaities, Thank you fro your review and reflection which resonates with me so very deeply.
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I am so sorry for anyone grieving.
Comment from JudyE
This is very poignant. Death is hard enough on adults but especially so on children. You've conveyed the child's confusion very well.
If it's okay, I picked up a couple of small spags:
Little could tell her it was from the tears all night I shed. - did you mean 'Little could I tell her..'?
My little sweet child's innocence was staring me right into my eyes - delete 'me'.
I hugged her close and told her that the tears I shed were because mommy has gone to live with God - The tense has changed here. I might have said 'mommy had gone...'.
Holding her close, with head nestled on my chest, I said, "Daughter dearest, mommy fought a long hard battle with cancer that wore her down, and GOD you see knew more than me that she simply needed rest." - commas needed after 'GOD' and 'see'
She tilted her head up toward my chin, and with a sweet tender voice said, "Daddy, I know that mom was sick, she had lost all her hair, and it made me sad, and I was mad at God because it simply didn't seem fair." - Perhaps make two sentences of this with a period after 'sick'
I stroked her blond curls and pulled her closer and said, "It was okay that you felt that way, and God understood you were just sad." Sometimes, our bodies play these dirty tricks and God does all that he can to guide the doctors with there plans. But in the end, God simply knew that her cure was not at hand, and that why He made a place where she will be at peace and will be watching down at you every day while she is in eternal rest." - delete speech marks after 'sad'. Spelling - 'their plans'
I pulled her ever more close to me and said," sweet daughter, your prayers make your Daddy glad." - there needs to be a space after the comma
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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This is very poignant. Death is hard enough on adults but especially so on children. You've conveyed the child's confusion very well.
If it's okay, I picked up a couple of small spags:
Little could tell her it was from the tears all night I shed. - did you mean 'Little could I tell her..'?
My little sweet child's innocence was staring me right into my eyes - delete 'me'.
I hugged her close and told her that the tears I shed were because mommy has gone to live with God - The tense has changed here. I might have said 'mommy had gone...'.
Holding her close, with head nestled on my chest, I said, "Daughter dearest, mommy fought a long hard battle with cancer that wore her down, and GOD you see knew more than me that she simply needed rest." - commas needed after 'GOD' and 'see'
She tilted her head up toward my chin, and with a sweet tender voice said, "Daddy, I know that mom was sick, she had lost all her hair, and it made me sad, and I was mad at God because it simply didn't seem fair." - Perhaps make two sentences of this with a period after 'sick'
I stroked her blond curls and pulled her closer and said, "It was okay that you felt that way, and God understood you were just sad." Sometimes, our bodies play these dirty tricks and God does all that he can to guide the doctors with there plans. But in the end, God simply knew that her cure was not at hand, and that why He made a place where she will be at peace and will be watching down at you every day while she is in eternal rest." - delete speech marks after 'sad'. Spelling - 'their plans'
I pulled her ever more close to me and said," sweet daughter, your prayers make your Daddy glad." - there needs to be a space after the comma
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
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JudyE, What a great help, thank you!
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You're welcome.
