Wilderness Redemption Road
A frontier adventure19 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I would say of all the people out to get Doo, the most dangerous is the woman. A man knows how to defeat almost anything except a woman hell-bent on marriage.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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I would say of all the people out to get Doo, the most dangerous is the woman. A man knows how to defeat almost anything except a woman hell-bent on marriage.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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You?re right shhh don?t tell anyone. Thanks for reading and your comments.
Comment from RodG
I love frontier novels and would be willing to read this one--I think. But your blurb is all over the place regarding time and place. First he's just arrived in Pittsburgh, but it's not clear if that's before or after he escaped from the Shawnees. It's not clear also what he's going back into the wilderness after. Your closer sells the book, but even it can be polished. Watch you long, cumbersome sentences.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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I love frontier novels and would be willing to read this one--I think. But your blurb is all over the place regarding time and place. First he's just arrived in Pittsburgh, but it's not clear if that's before or after he escaped from the Shawnees. It's not clear also what he's going back into the wilderness after. Your closer sells the book, but even it can be polished. Watch you long, cumbersome sentences.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thank s for the feedback. I've never written a blurb and only had 250 words to work with. You'll have to read the book to see what he's going back after in the wilderness.
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I?ll look for it in your postings.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Like the topic choice and your 'real' style -- a formal style would not have worked as well here given the topic, and you've made it enjoyable! :) ;) I've included some suggestions below -- ignore or employ as you wish! :) Thank you for sharing this fun, engaging piece - so, when do we get more of the story?! :) ;)
"his belt. He" 'his belt, he'
"an ornery, stubborn Shawnee" [pick either ornery or stubborn, not both]
"sides; on one side a" 'sides: on one side, a'
"hair, a love" 'hair and a love'
"other, all while having to nursemaid" 'other. All while, he had to nursemaid'
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Like the topic choice and your 'real' style -- a formal style would not have worked as well here given the topic, and you've made it enjoyable! :) ;) I've included some suggestions below -- ignore or employ as you wish! :) Thank you for sharing this fun, engaging piece - so, when do we get more of the story?! :) ;)
"his belt. He" 'his belt, he'
"an ornery, stubborn Shawnee" [pick either ornery or stubborn, not both]
"sides; on one side a" 'sides: on one side, a'
"hair, a love" 'hair and a love'
"other, all while having to nursemaid" 'other. All while, he had to nursemaid'
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thank you for your feedback and the great rating! I guess I'm going to have to break down and Really get serious with this one, it's drawing a lot of interest on here!
Comment from Marvin Calloway
Earl
What a coincidence! I was about to send you my 'FOW Play' blurb for your feedback. I received very good reviews, making me feel almost qualified to crit yours.
Your blurb builds sufficient interest to cause a good number of readers to buy the book.
A little wordy for my taste, but maybe just the right amount to accomplish the goal.
Suggestions: change the second 'Doo' to 'his.'
move 'on the other' to the beginning of the phrase.
Marv
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Earl
What a coincidence! I was about to send you my 'FOW Play' blurb for your feedback. I received very good reviews, making me feel almost qualified to crit yours.
Your blurb builds sufficient interest to cause a good number of readers to buy the book.
A little wordy for my taste, but maybe just the right amount to accomplish the goal.
Suggestions: change the second 'Doo' to 'his.'
move 'on the other' to the beginning of the phrase.
Marv
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thanks Marv for the feedback, and the great rating. This was a concept I've been playing with for awhile and thought I'd run it up the flag pole and see if it draws any salutes. It's gaining traction. Looking forward to the next installment of FOW Play
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Earl,
In terms of formatting, all you really need to do is stick in a clear line between the paragraphs and you're pretty much good to go.
Having just arrived in Pittsburgh with only the clothes on his back and a knife in his belt. He was in no mood to suffer fools. - I think I'd be inclined to make this all one sentence and have it read as such -
Having just arrived in Pittsburgh, with only the clothes on his back and a knife in his belt, he was in no mood to suffer fools.
He had had to abandon a good horse - this is just a personal thing, but if using the double had, I think it looks better to contract the first one - He'd had...
On the whole I think you did a good job with one. These things are tricky but the tag line is there and we know what kind of a tale this'll be.
Job done and best of luck in the booth.
GMG
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Hi Earl,
In terms of formatting, all you really need to do is stick in a clear line between the paragraphs and you're pretty much good to go.
Having just arrived in Pittsburgh with only the clothes on his back and a knife in his belt. He was in no mood to suffer fools. - I think I'd be inclined to make this all one sentence and have it read as such -
Having just arrived in Pittsburgh, with only the clothes on his back and a knife in his belt, he was in no mood to suffer fools.
He had had to abandon a good horse - this is just a personal thing, but if using the double had, I think it looks better to contract the first one - He'd had...
On the whole I think you did a good job with one. These things are tricky but the tag line is there and we know what kind of a tale this'll be.
Job done and best of luck in the booth.
GMG
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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As always you have given me great feedback.Out of everybody here you were the one I was trying to impress. Your entry inspired me to write this one and enter it. Good luck to you as well.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I believe, Earl, that you did a good job with your 'blurb.' I understood the theme, the characters, the setting, the problem, etc. I believe this would make a good book that would be of interest to many. Good job and best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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I believe, Earl, that you did a good job with your 'blurb.' I understood the theme, the characters, the setting, the problem, etc. I believe this would make a good book that would be of interest to many. Good job and best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thanks Jan, this has been an idea rolling around in my head for awhile. This morning was the first time I started to develop any characters or put pen to paper on it (Figuratively).
Comment from l.d.lauritzen
If this is your first effort-you're on your way. I write westerns and mysteries both short stories and novels. Love your character's name. Love the first statement.
Might start your paragraph a little differently: Doo Carter believed the Ohio Valley to be his, much to the chagrin of the Shawnees that tried to lift his hair. He was a man that found most doorways too short and too narrow. Always needing lots of elbow room in a world crowded with too many fools.-Work your description in with action and dialogue to give us the information you want us to get.
Ex: Carter pushed the dude aside and slammed his fist on the bar, "Give a real man a drink. Damn Shawnee got my gear and outfit, but they haven't seen the last of Doo carter, by damn."
"I beg your pardon," the dude said, "You're not only a lout, your manners stink as much as you do."
Cater turned, eyeing the stranger, "-you get the idea, weave your information into the scene and action. think of it like writing a televison show-only you know what the characters are thinking. Good luck-keep writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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If this is your first effort-you're on your way. I write westerns and mysteries both short stories and novels. Love your character's name. Love the first statement.
Might start your paragraph a little differently: Doo Carter believed the Ohio Valley to be his, much to the chagrin of the Shawnees that tried to lift his hair. He was a man that found most doorways too short and too narrow. Always needing lots of elbow room in a world crowded with too many fools.-Work your description in with action and dialogue to give us the information you want us to get.
Ex: Carter pushed the dude aside and slammed his fist on the bar, "Give a real man a drink. Damn Shawnee got my gear and outfit, but they haven't seen the last of Doo carter, by damn."
"I beg your pardon," the dude said, "You're not only a lout, your manners stink as much as you do."
Cater turned, eyeing the stranger, "-you get the idea, weave your information into the scene and action. think of it like writing a televison show-only you know what the characters are thinking. Good luck-keep writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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l.d.lauritzen thank you for the pointers. I kept it short because of the 250 word limit, I just tried to follow the format you see on the back of Louis LaMour books.I like how you characterized my dude, that's exactly the kind of milquetoast I had in mind. I appreciate the encouragement and the 5 star rating. I'll be sure to check out your stuff, because I'm first and foremost a fan of the genre.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I would be curious enough to read further. I love frontier and western stories and movies. They are a far cry from today's problems if I just want to get away. Well done. I am a poet, but I do read a lot of prose.:) Nancy
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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I would be curious enough to read further. I love frontier and western stories and movies. They are a far cry from today's problems if I just want to get away. Well done. I am a poet, but I do read a lot of prose.:) Nancy
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the 5 stars Nancy. I'll check out some of your stuff.
Comment from country ranch writer
I am not much on this newfangled blurb stuff but it sounds like this mountain man just may have his hands full. I bet he'd be right onrey when meeting everthing head on.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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I am not much on this newfangled blurb stuff but it sounds like this mountain man just may have his hands full. I bet he'd be right onrey when meeting everthing head on.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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I just did this for the contest, I haven't really developed any characters or plot yet. I thought up the setting on the way to work. I followed the format you'd see on the back of a Louis Lamour paperback. Thanks for the great rating.
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I like Louis Lamour westerns
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Don't we all?
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Smile!
