Of Hearts and Heartaches
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Summer in my Heart"Poems about falling in or out of love.
14 total reviews
Comment from RodG
I enjoyed reading this poem about lost love and how the Speaker has emoted since summer vanished into autumn and winter. I honestly feel this could be a better poem if you had not chosen an AABB rhyme patterned some lines seem contrived to fit the rhyme.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2018
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I enjoyed reading this poem about lost love and how the Speaker has emoted since summer vanished into autumn and winter. I honestly feel this could be a better poem if you had not chosen an AABB rhyme patterned some lines seem contrived to fit the rhyme.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2018
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I appreciate your comments, though I didn't choose the pattern. It just happened to start out that way. I also thank you for the rating despite the way you feel about my rhyme pattern.
Comment from phill doran
Hello Anon
A very flowing piece this. Clever use of the seasons as a skeleton for you to flesh out the back story. The 'refrain' line comes across very well, a sorrowful yearning for a more fondly remembered time/season/world.
It may be my reading rather than your writing but I stumble with the line "...Though we cannot physically touch..." the 'physically' is the culprit (for me - I understand it may only be for me). I am looking for something shorter - a two syllable word that will keep the flow going"...Though we can not dum-dum touch..." As i say, it might be me - I enjoyed this piece.
I wish you well in your contest and with your writing.
cheers
phill
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reply by the author on 19-Jul-2018
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Hello Anon
A very flowing piece this. Clever use of the seasons as a skeleton for you to flesh out the back story. The 'refrain' line comes across very well, a sorrowful yearning for a more fondly remembered time/season/world.
It may be my reading rather than your writing but I stumble with the line "...Though we cannot physically touch..." the 'physically' is the culprit (for me - I understand it may only be for me). I am looking for something shorter - a two syllable word that will keep the flow going"...Though we can not dum-dum touch..." As i say, it might be me - I enjoyed this piece.
I wish you well in your contest and with your writing.
cheers
phill
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2018
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Thank you for your rating and comment. I might try and find a different word than physically. Appreciate your thoughts on this.
Comment from Raul1
I like this poem a lot because it has a different kind of feel of emotions. This is how a poem should be. No mistakes in this poem at all and I understood it.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2018
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I like this poem a lot because it has a different kind of feel of emotions. This is how a poem should be. No mistakes in this poem at all and I understood it.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2018
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Thank you for your rating and your comments. I am amazed as I know I need work on my punctuation and sometimes on how I end my sentences. You were more than kind on your review.
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You're welcome!
Comment from Marie Foster1
A very romantic poem. Anyone who has ever had a crush or been in love can relate to it. The traces of someone now gone who leaves memories that linger on. Ah Love! the pleasure and pain it brings.
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reply by the author on 19-Jul-2018
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A very romantic poem. Anyone who has ever had a crush or been in love can relate to it. The traces of someone now gone who leaves memories that linger on. Ah Love! the pleasure and pain it brings.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much for your rating and your comments. Both are much appreciated.
