Child Of Syria
Desperate fight to survive20 total reviews
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Across the chalky road she stares
Her sad, brown eyes have seen too much.
Lashes long and flecked with dust,
Rough hunk of wood, her makeshift crutch.
Utterly heartbreaking, you have done a tremendous job here, well done this is superb and tragic kind regards Meia x
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Across the chalky road she stares
Her sad, brown eyes have seen too much.
Lashes long and flecked with dust,
Rough hunk of wood, her makeshift crutch.
Utterly heartbreaking, you have done a tremendous job here, well done this is superb and tragic kind regards Meia x
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you so very much for such an encouraging review. Truly appreciated : )
Comment from RGstar
I thought this was well written in the context of a story poem, which is the aim, but what I couldn't understand was the explanation that the father would leave them in a den whilst the brother tended wounds, and old enough to go out and beg. That would indicate, either small enough for the father to carry, or big enough for father and son to help the daughter to new shelter...and if found a new shelter, she would have had to be moved anyway. I wouldn't have left my daughter.
Yet, the emotional value is not there to be judged as the main point of contact really, though it is a story in a poem, it is the poem itself and you wrote very, very well.
My best wishes,
RGstar
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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I thought this was well written in the context of a story poem, which is the aim, but what I couldn't understand was the explanation that the father would leave them in a den whilst the brother tended wounds, and old enough to go out and beg. That would indicate, either small enough for the father to carry, or big enough for father and son to help the daughter to new shelter...and if found a new shelter, she would have had to be moved anyway. I wouldn't have left my daughter.
Yet, the emotional value is not there to be judged as the main point of contact really, though it is a story in a poem, it is the poem itself and you wrote very, very well.
My best wishes,
RGstar
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your detailed review.
I got the inspiration for the poem from watching a documentary about the orphans still in Aleppo. Th orphanages are doing their best but they are overcrowded and some children are still coping alone on the streets. The idea in this piece was the children had lost their mother and their home in a shelling attack and realising his daughter was injured this father helped her and her older brother find temporary shelter while he went to seek help. He was also killed, the brother has guessed this because his father hasn't returned so cares for his sister as best he can and searches for food. To me, there is no age barrier to begging and scraping for food as hunger drives it.
I wrote it rather like a report than as a piece showing my feelings about the dreadful plight of these kids.
I appreciate your comments, I am always grateful when someone takes the time to read and review.
Much appreciated : )
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Now better in saying he found them safe shelter first. I was under the opinion he left them in the original ruins.
Good write.
My best wishes.
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Yes, I can see how that could be misconstrued. Thank you : )
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a very sad well written poem, the devastation and destruction in Syria is beyond comprehension and your words spell out the cold hard facts, albeit eloquently written, best wishes, Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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This is a very sad well written poem, the devastation and destruction in Syria is beyond comprehension and your words spell out the cold hard facts, albeit eloquently written, best wishes, Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you so very much for such an encouraging review and I am honoured to receive six stars, so very kind.
Very much appreciated : )
Comment from bob cullen
Wow. Simply amazing. It brings one back to reality. This is truly a powerful piece of writing. And if there is any credibility in these contests, this should win.
This poem portrays the reality and ugliness of war.
This is the best poem I've read on Fanstory in years.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Wow. Simply amazing. It brings one back to reality. This is truly a powerful piece of writing. And if there is any credibility in these contests, this should win.
This poem portrays the reality and ugliness of war.
This is the best poem I've read on Fanstory in years.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Oh my goodness!!
How can I reply to such an amazing and encouraging review? I am speechless but truly grateful.
Thank you so very much for telling me you liked it and felt it was worth reading.
The stars are an added bonus...I thank you for them too, you are most kind : )
Comment from butterfly4265
We cannot imagine the horror and despair experienced by children of war. I love how you repeat the opening lines again at the end, to really hit home just how much misery those sad brown eyes have seen. We must truly count our blessings! In my opinion a very strong entry and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Very well done and much enjoyed!
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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We cannot imagine the horror and despair experienced by children of war. I love how you repeat the opening lines again at the end, to really hit home just how much misery those sad brown eyes have seen. We must truly count our blessings! In my opinion a very strong entry and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Very well done and much enjoyed!
Comment Written 13-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2017
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Thank you so very much for such an encouraging review. It is truly appreciated : )
Comment from Amy Rowell
"Across the chalky road she stares
Her sad, brown eyes have seen too much.
Lashes long and flecked with dust,
Rough hunk of wood, her makeshift crutch."
Makes me count my blessings! This poem is haunting and sad yet gave me that feeling of gratefulness of what I have. Great piece! I enjoyed it!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
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"Across the chalky road she stares
Her sad, brown eyes have seen too much.
Lashes long and flecked with dust,
Rough hunk of wood, her makeshift crutch."
Makes me count my blessings! This poem is haunting and sad yet gave me that feeling of gratefulness of what I have. Great piece! I enjoyed it!
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
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Wow..thank you so very much for your kind review and the generous rating.
I am truly appreciative of both and one lucky lady, thanks again : )
Comment from nbonner
What a sad story. You told it well. I like the rhyme scheme, the imagery and metaphors used were excellent. Thank you for sharing and best wishes in the contest. NB
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
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What a sad story. You told it well. I like the rhyme scheme, the imagery and metaphors used were excellent. Thank you for sharing and best wishes in the contest. NB
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much for your kind review and generous rating. Both much appreciated : )
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks how a baby girl fights for survival, when his good brother left her for good, she lives in a dirty room isolated, she does not know how to live the next day; I liked.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
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This speaks how a baby girl fights for survival, when his good brother left her for good, she lives in a dirty room isolated, she does not know how to live the next day; I liked.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your kind review : )
Comment from zanya
Such an effective poetic sketch of the reality of life in war torn Syria for the most vulnerable and the orphaned children - powerful imagery that 'stings' the reader and jolts him/her to a place where war's wounds bleed
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
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Such an effective poetic sketch of the reality of life in war torn Syria for the most vulnerable and the orphaned children - powerful imagery that 'stings' the reader and jolts him/her to a place where war's wounds bleed
Comment Written 11-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
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Wow!! Thank you so much for such a moving review and the 6 stars. Truly appreciated : )
Comment from Jan Anderegg
This is very good and I think you have an excellent chance of winning the contest. You painted a vivid portrait of these poor children.
Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2017
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This is very good and I think you have an excellent chance of winning the contest. You painted a vivid portrait of these poor children.
Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your kind review. Much appreciated : )
