Haiku Club Challenges, Book II
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "haiku (sea shells sprinkled)"an anthology of haiku written by fanstory poets
20 total reviews
Comment from country ranch writer
I love hunting sea shells on the beach I loves to watch the waves come and go.treasures found on the beach for you and me.hope you enjoy it as much as I do
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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I love hunting sea shells on the beach I loves to watch the waves come and go.treasures found on the beach for you and me.hope you enjoy it as much as I do
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much. I love the beach but live in Nebraska - lol.
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I live in sunny Fla
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You are lucky!
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Smiles
Comment from DR DIP
The analogy that the foreshore can look like a cake is very unique I can see where you are coming from as I spend most days walking that foreshore. Thank you for sharing
dip
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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The analogy that the foreshore can look like a cake is very unique I can see where you are coming from as I spend most days walking that foreshore. Thank you for sharing
dip
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2017
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Thank you Dip:)
Comment from Rasmine
Very good haiku. It makes me miss the beach and all the sea shells! I used to collect them as a child and display them proudly on my bureau at home. I really miss going to the beach.
I have a suggestion:
sea shells sprinkled (how about 'sprinkles or sprinkle' [okay I think I'm thinking about the free sprinkles at Friendlies to put on Sundaes :P]
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Very good haiku. It makes me miss the beach and all the sea shells! I used to collect them as a child and display them proudly on my bureau at home. I really miss going to the beach.
I have a suggestion:
sea shells sprinkled (how about 'sprinkles or sprinkle' [okay I think I'm thinking about the free sprinkles at Friendlies to put on Sundaes :P]
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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I thought about sprinkles. I couldn't get it to sound right I guess. Thanks for that suggestion:)
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Teresa,
This is a great haiku. Good job with the alliteration of 's'. The satori is great/ Your lines connect a required.
[I want to say that there are too many syllables, but I'm not sure]
sea shells sprinkled 4 syls.
o'er sandy beach groomed by high tide 9syls
icing on the cake 5 syls.
If I'm wrong, please forgive me. Jan
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Teresa,
This is a great haiku. Good job with the alliteration of 's'. The satori is great/ Your lines connect a required.
[I want to say that there are too many syllables, but I'm not sure]
sea shells sprinkled 4 syls.
o'er sandy beach groomed by high tide 9syls
icing on the cake 5 syls.
If I'm wrong, please forgive me. Jan
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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I get 8 syllables in 2nd line. Help me though if I am wrong.
o'er - 1
sandy - 2
beach - 1
groomed - 1
by - 1
high - 1
tide - 1
Thanks so much Jan:)
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I thought o'er counted for 2
o = 1
er = 2
But I don't know because of the Ellison. When said aloud, there are 2 distinct sounds that make me believe it is 2 syllables. I saw in your reviews that no one agreed with me. I was just commenting what I think--I could be wrong. Jan
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I looked it up - it counts as 1. You pronounce it 'or' used instead of over mostly for poetry.
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I have been thinking about this all day. I can see where it could be said 'oar'. I was thinking aong the lines of ev'rything where the ev & ry are pronounced. Well open mouth insert foot [me]. Thank you for you for your gracious reply.
Comment from Sasha
Terrific work with this hauku. The first two lines connect well and your satori is just perfect. Lovely work with this one and a marvelous addition to this book.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Terrific work with this hauku. The first two lines connect well and your satori is just perfect. Lovely work with this one and a marvelous addition to this book.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Thank you Sasha:)
Comment from MizKat
Hi Tab,
I like this poem that you wrote too. It's always nice to read them as they are always good. Thanks for sharing!
Kat
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Hi Tab,
I like this poem that you wrote too. It's always nice to read them as they are always good. Thanks for sharing!
Kat
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Thank you Kat:)
Comment from Lulube
good alliterated first line; sea shells sprinkled, almost as the tongue twister is to say. lol created good imagery for the icing on the cake. lol
good luck in the contest
lulube
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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good alliterated first line; sea shells sprinkled, almost as the tongue twister is to say. lol created good imagery for the icing on the cake. lol
good luck in the contest
lulube
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Thanks lulube. I wondered if it was too much of a tongue twister?
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no, not too much
lulube
Comment from BeasPeas
This is nicely done, Teresa. I can picture your scenario of sprinkled seashells on the sand. What a wonderful theme. Finding seashells are indeed icing on the cake. Nice job. Marilyn
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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This is nicely done, Teresa. I can picture your scenario of sprinkled seashells on the sand. What a wonderful theme. Finding seashells are indeed icing on the cake. Nice job. Marilyn
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much Marilyn:)
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ah, hahaha, very good haiku, Teresa.
Nice balance in your 4/8/5 syllable count--well within the limits of seventeen syllables, or less, specified by the haiku form.
Excellent alliteration in your fist line.
Nice consonance and sounds of sea...e-r-r-r, heh-heh... I mean "c"...in your satori.
It's written in present tense as a moment in nature captured in time.
The satori evokes those 'Ah-ha!' feelings of enlightenment haiku poetry is so well-known for.
And to think people say there's not a lot you can say about haiku in a review.
Horsepuckey!
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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Ah, hahaha, very good haiku, Teresa.
Nice balance in your 4/8/5 syllable count--well within the limits of seventeen syllables, or less, specified by the haiku form.
Excellent alliteration in your fist line.
Nice consonance and sounds of sea...e-r-r-r, heh-heh... I mean "c"...in your satori.
It's written in present tense as a moment in nature captured in time.
The satori evokes those 'Ah-ha!' feelings of enlightenment haiku poetry is so well-known for.
And to think people say there's not a lot you can say about haiku in a review.
Horsepuckey!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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It took me a long time to figure out how to review (and write) haiku. There is so much to it - who would have thunk! Thank you Dean!
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You're more than welcome, Teresa. :)
Comment from johnwilson
"Icing on the cake" did it for me. What a descriptive imaginative haiku! Also loved your use of the word "groomed". Usually I skip haiku's as they're not my favorites; however, when I see your name, I read. Thank you! Nothing to augment/change here!
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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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"Icing on the cake" did it for me. What a descriptive imaginative haiku! Also loved your use of the word "groomed". Usually I skip haiku's as they're not my favorites; however, when I see your name, I read. Thank you! Nothing to augment/change here!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
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Thank you John:)
