This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Veronica Has a Shock!"Veronica is sent back again
41 total reviews
Comment from Aussie
Very interesting and intriguing story line. I want to know who controls your travels and the times that you appear? Nice touch; couldn't help Daveth because you had no physical substance. These small things help the story. Did you know the Romans had hot and cold running water at Bath? Wonderful times, amazing people. Well done my friend.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2017
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Very interesting and intriguing story line. I want to know who controls your travels and the times that you appear? Nice touch; couldn't help Daveth because you had no physical substance. These small things help the story. Did you know the Romans had hot and cold running water at Bath? Wonderful times, amazing people. Well done my friend.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Dear Kay! Those stars look lovely up there. Yes, The Romans had running and cold before Christ, and when they came to Britain in AD 45 they put in the plumbing and the water pipes. But it was a few centuries later before we all got to have it. We had cold water from the tap in my grandmother's time, and the hot came years later. It's a shame the Romans stopped creating once they lost their empire. I love reading about ancient Greeks and Romans they were fascinating times, although very brutal and cruel. Anyway, LOL, I'm supposed to be thanking you, which I do, wholeheartedly! Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from l.raven
HI Sandra, I would like to put you in the right direction...but you would end up somewhere on Mars...not sure where I am half the time anymore...LOL...I think 'e's putting his faith in Veronica...she better come up with something good...that boy wants his da back...a great chapter sweet angel...and a great story told...next...very well written...love ya you...Linda xxoo
hope all is well...and things are working out for Sarah...all are in my prayers...say hi to Ian for me...love xxoo
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2017
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HI Sandra, I would like to put you in the right direction...but you would end up somewhere on Mars...not sure where I am half the time anymore...LOL...I think 'e's putting his faith in Veronica...she better come up with something good...that boy wants his da back...a great chapter sweet angel...and a great story told...next...very well written...love ya you...Linda xxoo
hope all is well...and things are working out for Sarah...all are in my prayers...say hi to Ian for me...love xxoo
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2017
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Hi Linda, thank you so much, my friend. Mars is supposed to be nice at this time of the year! LOL, sunbathing weather, shame there's no water! Yes, Daveth feels that Veronica is his only hope of getting his father back, and actually, she is. But she has to find him first and that is going to be hard. Lots of love, my friend. :) Sandra xxxx
Ian had a problem with his shoes, he got a blister on his remaining toe where it hadn't been encased for so long, just in that awful boot, but it's okay. The hospital is having some trainers made for him as they will be more comfortable for normal everyday use. Not that he can walk far, but he's happy at the moment. Sarah will be having her chat with the specialists soon, I'll be learning more this afternoon.
I hope your decorating is still coming along nicely. Take your time and don't wear yourself out again. Big hugs, my friend!! :) xxx
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Hi Sandra, I don't drink much water anyway...so Mars might be perfect...LOL...well lets hope Veronica can find his father soon...
I'm so sorry that happened to Ian...but so glad they are making him a better shoe...
and Sarah will be fine...things will work out...
it will be another couple weeks...but I think things are coming together good...my girlfriend Joanne has been a big help...
you are always soooooo welcome sweet angel...love to you all...and hi to Ian for me...xxxooo
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I aways enjoy your writing you write very well on many different topics. You write very well. Your characters are life-like, and the dialog is great.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2017
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I aways enjoy your writing you write very well on many different topics. You write very well. Your characters are life-like, and the dialog is great.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2017
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Thank you, Tom, for you kind review. I'm so pleased you liked my story. :) xx
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A very good follow up chapter, Sandra.
-I like the very good use of dialect for Daveth.
-The interaction between him and Ver. keeps
the reader interested, as he wants to know
about Ann, and they each want to know about
the time they are from.
-The disappearance of Daveth's da was an
excellent twist to the story.
-How he ended up disappearing was also interesting.
-Obviously, he wants to know how this happened,
and Ver. doesn't have any answers, as this is all
new to her, as well.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2017
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-A very good follow up chapter, Sandra.
-I like the very good use of dialect for Daveth.
-The interaction between him and Ver. keeps
the reader interested, as he wants to know
about Ann, and they each want to know about
the time they are from.
-The disappearance of Daveth's da was an
excellent twist to the story.
-How he ended up disappearing was also interesting.
-Obviously, he wants to know how this happened,
and Ver. doesn't have any answers, as this is all
new to her, as well.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2017
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I like Daveth, I can have a lot of fun with his character, I'm glad you like him as well, Pam. Veronica will have a job finding Daveth's dad, but when she does find him, she'll have another shock. Thank you for the lovely 6 stars, my dear friend from across the pond! Another big hug coming your way--you're going to get fed-up with them soon!! :) xxx Sandra
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You are very welcome for the stars, Sandra.
Daveth is very different from what you have done, and you are doing a good job with his character. I am sure there will be lots of shocks for Ver. Never enough hugs🙂
Comment from rspoet
Hello Veronica, er, Sandra.
Another fine addition to your story.
Daveth's character is very well developed; there is an authenticity to him
that comes out very nicely.
Interesting that Veronica's hand when through the branch. That helps to convince Daveth.
(But she did learn how to move objects in the previous book.)
It appears her presence does not affect the physical past unless she intends it to do so.
She must be very careful about imparting knowledge of the future to Daveth,
even the smallest item could alter history. Most people would be appalled at the thought of the "outhouse" inside the house. Also, you might want to use the word "handle" instead of "tap."
Daveth's da going to the future could cause those tricky Time paradoxes. Everything he sees or learns could change the past when he goes back to his own time. But there are ways.
One question: I don't remember in the first book whether Veronica became someone (like young Mrs. Humphries) in the past or just appeared (but couldn't be seen) in the past as herself.
Your first picture was great but I wondered about her clothes. Would she look like that or be in her "future" clothes.
Great twist with da disappearing to "somewhere."
Time is so much fun.
Well done
RS
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2017
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Hello Veronica, er, Sandra.
Another fine addition to your story.
Daveth's character is very well developed; there is an authenticity to him
that comes out very nicely.
Interesting that Veronica's hand when through the branch. That helps to convince Daveth.
(But she did learn how to move objects in the previous book.)
It appears her presence does not affect the physical past unless she intends it to do so.
She must be very careful about imparting knowledge of the future to Daveth,
even the smallest item could alter history. Most people would be appalled at the thought of the "outhouse" inside the house. Also, you might want to use the word "handle" instead of "tap."
Daveth's da going to the future could cause those tricky Time paradoxes. Everything he sees or learns could change the past when he goes back to his own time. But there are ways.
One question: I don't remember in the first book whether Veronica became someone (like young Mrs. Humphries) in the past or just appeared (but couldn't be seen) in the past as herself.
Your first picture was great but I wondered about her clothes. Would she look like that or be in her "future" clothes.
Great twist with da disappearing to "somewhere."
Time is so much fun.
Well done
RS
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2017
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Hi Robert, you picked up on some excellent points there. Her hand passing through the sack was one of them, I'll have to sort that out, as I did have her touching the table. The sentence with the tap in, I took right out mainly because he wouldn't know what it was, and yes, I suddenly realised she wasn't in a host so she would be in her own clothes, so I've added a piece about that in the previous part now. Hence the change of photo! LOL. It's great that these things are picked up on now, so thank you so much, my friend, for the help there.
In the previous book, Veronica was actually in Mrs Humphries body but spoke as herself which was why is was so confusing for Mildred until she realised what was happening. When she went back in Alice's (the child) body, she was only an observer, until she fell down the stairs in the cellar and then she was 'thrown out' and became friends with Lady Ann. I am supposed to be writing a synopsis on that book at the moment, but I'm having such a hard time with it. Just explaining that little bit again to you was hard, and I have to do it for the whole book to send it to (hopeful) agents.
Thank you, for the lovely six stars, and for all your observations, they were really helpful. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Just a few nit-picky things with this one. It is really well formed and the story doesn't get bogged down with information while we fall in love with young, feisty Daveth and care about what happened to his father. The first note is just about repetition and I tend to be very sensitive to it because I am basically a poet. So it is probably something no one else would notice. In the first paragraph you wrote, "cutting into my thoughts." Perhaps you might avoid the duplication by saying at the beginning of the third paragraph:
"He thought (paused) for a moment, then jerked his head to the door.
You say that she doesn't know if she could be tripped up with no host body. Does she feel the ground as she walks, do her boots stir the dust in the lane, does she hear a crunching of the leaves? Those would be indications. The question of tripping could be, dare I say, fleshed out with a bit of information on this. It just seemed that there were many ways to decipher that.
What was Veronica wearing when she collapsed and why didn't Daveth comment on that either in the last chapter or this if it would have been strange to see a woman dressed that way. Perhaps a good place to add that is in the paragraph when Daveth asks, "What are ya then?"
I do like how you have given much more description of the character Daveth, his clothing, and subtle delights such as he, in typical boyish fashion sunk his hands in his pockets and grinned at his ingenuity with the sack.
In this sentence, the comma goes after the 'and' not after again:
"I want you to go to the attic now and again, and (,) hopefully, "
When he asks what inventions, it might be fun to tell him that no one has to gather wood for the stove any more.
I am increasingly impatient to see where this story leads. - Wendy
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Just a few nit-picky things with this one. It is really well formed and the story doesn't get bogged down with information while we fall in love with young, feisty Daveth and care about what happened to his father. The first note is just about repetition and I tend to be very sensitive to it because I am basically a poet. So it is probably something no one else would notice. In the first paragraph you wrote, "cutting into my thoughts." Perhaps you might avoid the duplication by saying at the beginning of the third paragraph:
"He thought (paused) for a moment, then jerked his head to the door.
You say that she doesn't know if she could be tripped up with no host body. Does she feel the ground as she walks, do her boots stir the dust in the lane, does she hear a crunching of the leaves? Those would be indications. The question of tripping could be, dare I say, fleshed out with a bit of information on this. It just seemed that there were many ways to decipher that.
What was Veronica wearing when she collapsed and why didn't Daveth comment on that either in the last chapter or this if it would have been strange to see a woman dressed that way. Perhaps a good place to add that is in the paragraph when Daveth asks, "What are ya then?"
I do like how you have given much more description of the character Daveth, his clothing, and subtle delights such as he, in typical boyish fashion sunk his hands in his pockets and grinned at his ingenuity with the sack.
In this sentence, the comma goes after the 'and' not after again:
"I want you to go to the attic now and again, and (,) hopefully, "
When he asks what inventions, it might be fun to tell him that no one has to gather wood for the stove any more.
I am increasingly impatient to see where this story leads. - Wendy
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Hi Wendy, thanks so much for this lovely review. I'm going to add a bit the previous chapter regarding Veronica's dress style, it's too late to add it in this one as they are already well into conversations and he would have mentioned it when he first saw her. It was an excellent point and I'm pleased you raised it. I've made the comma correction, and also deleted the thought of her tripping over, because she wouldn't in this form. So, thanks again, for your very helpful reiew, I really appreciated it. :) Sandra xx
Comment from rwilliam
First, WONDERFUL picture for this chapter. Perfect!
The story line was good. I'm understanding a lot more about what's happening to Veronica WITH her which is fun. I like the twist about Daveth's da. Great twist to the story.
Looking forward to reading more. :-)
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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First, WONDERFUL picture for this chapter. Perfect!
The story line was good. I'm understanding a lot more about what's happening to Veronica WITH her which is fun. I like the twist about Daveth's da. Great twist to the story.
Looking forward to reading more. :-)
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Rebecca. I'm truly pleased you like the storyline, it had to be very different to the first book so your review was very encouraging. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jay Squires
There is such a good "feeling" about reading your "time-bending" fiction, Sandra. I can imagine it being a weekly telly show. Time travel is quite popular in the movies, as you know.
That's what I love most about living in Cornwall; [Shouldn't it be "loved" to keep a consistent past tense?]
just by turning on a tap inside the house. [Would he know what a "tap" was?]
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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There is such a good "feeling" about reading your "time-bending" fiction, Sandra. I can imagine it being a weekly telly show. Time travel is quite popular in the movies, as you know.
That's what I love most about living in Cornwall; [Shouldn't it be "loved" to keep a consistent past tense?]
just by turning on a tap inside the house. [Would he know what a "tap" was?]
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Aww, thank you, Jay. I looked at 'love' a few times, knowing it should be 'loved' and didn't change it.Do you think I'm losing it?
:( The tap, I'll have to sort that one out. Just out of curiosity, I checked on Google when the first tap in the UK was installed, and it was in the 1700s by the Roman's to their big public baths and some homes. But, that was it, no more taps until the early 1900s. It's amazing just what we take for granted, yet for thousands of years people lived quite happily without these 'luxuries'.
Thank you, my friend, for another of your helpful reviews. I really appreciate you reading my work. Big hugs. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Rasmine
You say reckon? I learn new things all the time -- I thought reckon was only in Southern America.
I didn't spot any errors. This is an interesting story!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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You say reckon? I learn new things all the time -- I thought reckon was only in Southern America.
I didn't spot any errors. This is an interesting story!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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LOl, no, 'reckon' is a common word in the UK. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this part, my friend. I really appreciate it. Big hugs. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from damommy
A delightful chapter. The different way you've handled Veronica's transformation is a good twist. She's lost without a host body.
Odd that his dad disappeared when Ann was Curious to find out how that happened.
I didn't know you lived in Cornwall. You lucky lady!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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A delightful chapter. The different way you've handled Veronica's transformation is a good twist. She's lost without a host body.
Odd that his dad disappeared when Ann was Curious to find out how that happened.
I didn't know you lived in Cornwall. You lucky lady!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Yvonne, for another of your lovely reviews. This is going to be fun trying to find out how to sort things out for Veronica. She's in for an exciting time! Thanks, my dear friend, always lovely to see your name here. Big hugs. :) Sandra xxxx