Hallelujah
You Don't Really Care For Music, Do You?45 total reviews
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Jay: *** stars for you, Mr. Star!*** You are awesome at the dialogue
and I can learn from you. I like the spat - Bling h2o's not just water. You know that.
No, it's forty-five freakin' dollars a frosted bottle with a cork-for-a-lid-water, you snob.
I noticed the rewrite of Hallelujah chorus with King David. I'm not sure who Mary and Elizabeth are in the story. Great flow. I'm sure the concert was awesome.
King David played in 444 music tunes - great therapy music - calms the soul.
I'm sure the judges will pick you. flylikeaneagle *********
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Jay: *** stars for you, Mr. Star!*** You are awesome at the dialogue
and I can learn from you. I like the spat - Bling h2o's not just water. You know that.
No, it's forty-five freakin' dollars a frosted bottle with a cork-for-a-lid-water, you snob.
I noticed the rewrite of Hallelujah chorus with King David. I'm not sure who Mary and Elizabeth are in the story. Great flow. I'm sure the concert was awesome.
King David played in 444 music tunes - great therapy music - calms the soul.
I'm sure the judges will pick you. flylikeaneagle *********
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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You are awesome with your kindness, Nancy. Dialogue does come easy for me, but not dialogue only. It seems very artificial to find convenient ways around a speech tag. Your six stars are lovely, my friend. Thanks.
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Jay: yes, you deserve the stars! I bought "Fast Fiction," book by Denise Jaden. I'm reading this and learning from you. Jerry Jenkins teaches online for free - pay it forward. Now, working on details of my characters for novel two and three. My settings are in Colorado - four corners, Loveland and Boulder. So much to learn. :)) I'm glad I have FS fans and friends. nancy********
Comment from Selina Stambi
So Jay, here your script and prose writing skills merge to create a surreal, unusual dialogue that morphed into a sharp, poignant stage play in my head.
I could hear the Cohen-esque lines ringing up to the rafters.
Perhaps it's the thespian in me ... I found it irresistable.
I've reviewed a couple of the contest entries. They were as dead as dead can be. I wouldn't be surprised if this is a winner.
Love how your style has evolved since we first became acquainted, Jay.
Hope you have a glowing week. Smiles always,
Sonali
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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So Jay, here your script and prose writing skills merge to create a surreal, unusual dialogue that morphed into a sharp, poignant stage play in my head.
I could hear the Cohen-esque lines ringing up to the rafters.
Perhaps it's the thespian in me ... I found it irresistable.
I've reviewed a couple of the contest entries. They were as dead as dead can be. I wouldn't be surprised if this is a winner.
Love how your style has evolved since we first became acquainted, Jay.
Hope you have a glowing week. Smiles always,
Sonali
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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You are so sweet, Sonali. Thank you for your glowing praise and capping it with the chartreuse cross. I didn't know you were a thespian, my friend. I'm impressed. But now that I think about it, you have the poise and delivery of a stage actress when I watch your garden video. BTW, I've been meaning to ask, was that jasmine I saw in your back yard. I've laid out four jasmine plants and three lavender plants in my back yard.
Now, if I could just learn to stay on topic!
Thanks again, my dear friend.
Comment from Mustang Patty
You did a wonderful job of telling this story with only dialogue. The 'King' has some serious issues, but I guess he has talent. The singing could be heard in my head, along with the cheering of the crowd.
Good luck in the contest.
~patty~
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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You did a wonderful job of telling this story with only dialogue. The 'King' has some serious issues, but I guess he has talent. The singing could be heard in my head, along with the cheering of the crowd.
Good luck in the contest.
~patty~
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Ah, thank you Patty. Yes, he had some serious issues, but then so did the original King David. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jay, this is excellent. A whole story is told through dialogue only and that is of course the whole idea. You've done that very well. Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Hi Jay, this is excellent. A whole story is told through dialogue only and that is of course the whole idea. You've done that very well. Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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THank you, Ulla. Yeah, I had a good time writing it. It was challenging but satisfying. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from happykat4
Excellent. Good storyline, dialogue only, and the way it is written, readers know who is speaking. I wish you the very best in the contest. Been a while since I have been on sight due to health...but you just don't disappoint!!! Great. Kat
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Excellent. Good storyline, dialogue only, and the way it is written, readers know who is speaking. I wish you the very best in the contest. Been a while since I have been on sight due to health...but you just don't disappoint!!! Great. Kat
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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You are so kind, Kat, for your fine review and generous words. I love the color of that cross next to the four stars. I think chartreuse is my new favorite color. Again, thanks.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
An excellent entry in the contest. I don't know why I bother. I think the contest ended yesterday. You got in just under the wire.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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An excellent entry in the contest. I don't know why I bother. I think the contest ended yesterday. You got in just under the wire.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Many thanks, Thomask. It was a lot of fun to write. Glad it read well.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
This is one of those occasions where I honestly feel I know nothing. It's hard for me to be objective because of the contest prompt. This is a dialogue only contest, but what I immediately missed was the richness of your dialogue and action tags--felt a little deprived.
The content is good, the conversation real, but the emotional internal substance was a little flat for me. But, that's the genre. Of course, I want toy to win. Nothing sweeter than a cash payout.
Feeling better?
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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This is one of those occasions where I honestly feel I know nothing. It's hard for me to be objective because of the contest prompt. This is a dialogue only contest, but what I immediately missed was the richness of your dialogue and action tags--felt a little deprived.
The content is good, the conversation real, but the emotional internal substance was a little flat for me. But, that's the genre. Of course, I want toy to win. Nothing sweeter than a cash payout.
Feeling better?
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Feelin' a little better. Just stay away from poetry and expectation. I know what you mean about the flatness. It comes with the territory, I guess. Toy? Is that the one you wrote? Thanks, Ingrid, for the lovely six and your always kind words.
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Add dyslexia to my vision issues. Toy should have been YOU. Of course, I want you to win.
No, I didn't participate in this contest.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay
of how talented you are to me shows up in your contest entry
Why/
Jay ,
I like the way you got each of your speakers get to think out loud or talk very much about and express their inner feelings
Gert
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Hello Jay
of how talented you are to me shows up in your contest entry
Why/
Jay ,
I like the way you got each of your speakers get to think out loud or talk very much about and express their inner feelings
Gert
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Gert your are so generous with your comments and your rating. I really appreciate you. Are you feeling any better, my Gert?
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You are welcome Jay
Well now if it wasn't for Stan and my doctors I'm staring to feel like a human again.
Gert
Comment from dmt1967
The beginning was a bit confusing as there seemed to be more than two characters and I didn't know who was saying who, but after the first bit. it went rather well. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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The beginning was a bit confusing as there seemed to be more than two characters and I didn't know who was saying who, but after the first bit. it went rather well. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Thank you for reading this bit of fluff. It was fun to write and I hope, once the confusion passed, to read. How's Merry olde?
Comment from apky
I thought this is absolutely brilliant. You kept on a dialogue of nearly a thousand words and I could determine the looks, shapes, ages, character types, facial expressions and even timbre of voices without you describing any of it!
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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I thought this is absolutely brilliant. You kept on a dialogue of nearly a thousand words and I could determine the looks, shapes, ages, character types, facial expressions and even timbre of voices without you describing any of it!
Comment Written 06-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
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Well, I'm happy you enjoyed this, apky. It was a lot of fun to write. I'm thrilled you were entertained.