Dream Land
Your dreams can come true.13 total reviews
Comment from Sixty70
I like the direction you took this in response to the writing prompt. Receiving pre-cognitive messages about family in dreams is a special gift! I've known several relatives in my own family that have had these types of experiences, and I believe they are real to exceptionally sensitive people. You lay a great foundation. Having you show rather than tell would have fortified this story for me. Instead of taking the reader back to age six, when this special talent first appeared, what if the narrator thought about her talent on the way to see Mrs. Armstrong? How can you put the reader into a scene that gives the necessary information, but also builds the tension to provide a satisfying climax? I hope you'll continue to work on the story, and best of luck with the contest!
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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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I like the direction you took this in response to the writing prompt. Receiving pre-cognitive messages about family in dreams is a special gift! I've known several relatives in my own family that have had these types of experiences, and I believe they are real to exceptionally sensitive people. You lay a great foundation. Having you show rather than tell would have fortified this story for me. Instead of taking the reader back to age six, when this special talent first appeared, what if the narrator thought about her talent on the way to see Mrs. Armstrong? How can you put the reader into a scene that gives the necessary information, but also builds the tension to provide a satisfying climax? I hope you'll continue to work on the story, and best of luck with the contest!
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Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Thank you so very much for reading and then taking the time to review my entry, I really appreciate your suggestions and very concrete thoughts. I can see that it would definitely put a different twist on this. Thank you so much for the good wishes, I am glad that you have family with similar gifts, its nice when a reader is also a believer. Again thanks.
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Ayry - I see that you've nominated me as a reviewer. Thanks for that vote of confidence. Much appreciated!
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: ) you are so very welcome, I appreciated your suggestions, I believe in good reviewing and therefore constructive notes.
Comment from Fridayauthor
This is an interesting story that moves along very well. It was enjoyable to read.
Perhaps a little tightening up....
What had cause the change? (Why the change?)
Was she perhaps in truth a distant relative? (Perhaps a distant relative?)
They all, meaning the adults, conversed. Talking way above my head.
(All the adults conversed but the discussion was over my head.)
When he arrived, he was brought up to date on the events.
He was told of the events. (Less is often better than more.)
Phrases such as, "on the other hand, of course,also.." are often unnecessary and take away from the flow of the story.
Thank you!
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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This is an interesting story that moves along very well. It was enjoyable to read.
Perhaps a little tightening up....
What had cause the change? (Why the change?)
Was she perhaps in truth a distant relative? (Perhaps a distant relative?)
They all, meaning the adults, conversed. Talking way above my head.
(All the adults conversed but the discussion was over my head.)
When he arrived, he was brought up to date on the events.
He was told of the events. (Less is often better than more.)
Phrases such as, "on the other hand, of course,also.." are often unnecessary and take away from the flow of the story.
Thank you!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much for reading and then taking the time to review, I really appreciate your suggestions, I will make those changes when I am done responding to you. Again thanks.
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Glad to do it.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
You are a very gifted writer and if this story is true which I suspect it is, you are also a 'sensitive' and believe me I know what that is like! These sort of dreams have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. This is superbly written with terrific flow and is very engaging.I would really like to read more of your work, this is sublime well done on a terrific entry, and a terrific write. Kindest regards, Meia x
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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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You are a very gifted writer and if this story is true which I suspect it is, you are also a 'sensitive' and believe me I know what that is like! These sort of dreams have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. This is superbly written with terrific flow and is very engaging.I would really like to read more of your work, this is sublime well done on a terrific entry, and a terrific write. Kindest regards, Meia x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2017
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Thank you ever so much Meia for reading and then taking the time to review, I appreciate your kind comments, your sharing of your experiences and of course the stars. Again thanks.