Sometimes Roses, Sometimes Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "A Mountain's First To See the Dawn"A collection of sonnets
14 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
I love reading these polished poems that etch out a period of time and an animals or person's feelings and thoughts. Of course, have the time I have no idea what any poet is trying to say, but it isn't the word-smith's fault. It's just me grabbing at whatever I think I'm reading. LOL! Great job. :-0
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I love reading these polished poems that etch out a period of time and an animals or person's feelings and thoughts. Of course, have the time I have no idea what any poet is trying to say, but it isn't the word-smith's fault. It's just me grabbing at whatever I think I'm reading. LOL! Great job. :-0
Comment Written 12-Sep-2016
Comment from Susanjohn
Michael!!! outstanding!!!...loving the line "the mountains first view, breaking of the dawn" love it....this is just GOOD!!!!! Im keeping it
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Michael!!! outstanding!!!...loving the line "the mountains first view, breaking of the dawn" love it....this is just GOOD!!!!! Im keeping it
Comment Written 12-Sep-2016
Comment from rama devi
It's always circumstance exerting will,
no matter what the dream or effort plied.
What a compelling opening!
Love this part:
It's noble, yes, to proudly boast, "I tried",
but effort left alone will not fulfill.
It seems a frosted flurry aims to kill
the seeds that sprang to life--hope glorified.
The moon gave thrills, then waned, and so I sighed.
The depth and substance of your theme is superb and the phonetics are fantastic too. love all those F sounds, both alliterative and consonant. Well balanced with L, S, M and T sounds too. I read the above aloud thrice. Bravo. Superb rhyming as well!
I enjoyed the phonetics here as well, especially the A, L and P sounds:
It's time to acquiesce; I loathe 'alone',
especially now, as springtime proffers hope.
*I like this line, but have one suggestion (optional):
Faux brav'ry is for fools, I've always known.
Faux bravery's for fools, I've always known.
Superb alliteration of H:
You've warmed my hungry heart and helped me cope.
OUTSTANDING LINE and TITLE:
The mountain's first to view the breaking dawn;
I felt the internal rhyme here is trying too hard (but it's fine to keep):
this grey horse lopes, and springs up winter's slope!
Not sure if there is a metaphorical meaning in the horse being grey. The line SOUNDS good, especially the echo of assonant O sounds from the first line of the stanza to the last. But it leaves me wondering how it relates to the mountain line...seems like a mixed metaphor to me, and I am not 'getting it'.
I'm a bit fatigued at the moment, so it might be just me. I'll re-read this later when i get a second wind!
Love,
rd
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It's always circumstance exerting will,
no matter what the dream or effort plied.
What a compelling opening!
Love this part:
It's noble, yes, to proudly boast, "I tried",
but effort left alone will not fulfill.
It seems a frosted flurry aims to kill
the seeds that sprang to life--hope glorified.
The moon gave thrills, then waned, and so I sighed.
The depth and substance of your theme is superb and the phonetics are fantastic too. love all those F sounds, both alliterative and consonant. Well balanced with L, S, M and T sounds too. I read the above aloud thrice. Bravo. Superb rhyming as well!
I enjoyed the phonetics here as well, especially the A, L and P sounds:
It's time to acquiesce; I loathe 'alone',
especially now, as springtime proffers hope.
*I like this line, but have one suggestion (optional):
Faux brav'ry is for fools, I've always known.
Faux bravery's for fools, I've always known.
Superb alliteration of H:
You've warmed my hungry heart and helped me cope.
OUTSTANDING LINE and TITLE:
The mountain's first to view the breaking dawn;
I felt the internal rhyme here is trying too hard (but it's fine to keep):
this grey horse lopes, and springs up winter's slope!
Not sure if there is a metaphorical meaning in the horse being grey. The line SOUNDS good, especially the echo of assonant O sounds from the first line of the stanza to the last. But it leaves me wondering how it relates to the mountain line...seems like a mixed metaphor to me, and I am not 'getting it'.
I'm a bit fatigued at the moment, so it might be just me. I'll re-read this later when i get a second wind!
Love,
rd
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2016
Comment from Nika2016
Hurrah...the gray horse runneth ....smile... See inspiration is everything!
A very nice poem about overcoming lethargy to feel again!
Sonnet on...
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|
Hurrah...the gray horse runneth ....smile... See inspiration is everything!
A very nice poem about overcoming lethargy to feel again!
Sonnet on...
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2016
