THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "The Master Has Left His Yoke"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
36 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is such a well written chapter, Jay. A pen, paper and supplies for a bath. I love it. It adds a bit of humor into an otherwise serious chapter.
MEDIC BRAIMS GLASSEM: Cheif (Chief)
Have a good and productive day, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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This is such a well written chapter, Jay. A pen, paper and supplies for a bath. I love it. It adds a bit of humor into an otherwise serious chapter.
MEDIC BRAIMS GLASSEM: Cheif (Chief)
Have a good and productive day, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 25-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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THAnks for the catch and your kind words, Debbie. Blessings.
Comment from Drew Delaney
Can't believe you are so on top, Jay. You are writing like a professional. I'm so happy for you.
I sense the confidence as I read your work. It has not come without a lot of blood, sweat and tears. But you have arrived, or maybe the Tory has done it for you. Whatever the case, you're on the top,
Enjoy! Drew x
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Can't believe you are so on top, Jay. You are writing like a professional. I'm so happy for you.
I sense the confidence as I read your work. It has not come without a lot of blood, sweat and tears. But you have arrived, or maybe the Tory has done it for you. Whatever the case, you're on the top,
Enjoy! Drew x
Comment Written 25-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Bless you, Drew! YOu are so kind and encouraging. I appreciate you and love the six!
Comment from Ulla
I pop in and out of this story, Ray, like a yo-yo I do admit it. It is so well written though that every time I read I ask myself why I don't stay with it. I will be reading the next because of your writing, and because the story is good,. All the best. Ulla
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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I pop in and out of this story, Ray, like a yo-yo I do admit it. It is so well written though that every time I read I ask myself why I don't stay with it. I will be reading the next because of your writing, and because the story is good,. All the best. Ulla
Comment Written 25-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Thank you so much, Ulla. You can stop by any time. I appreciate your reading this.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Solid work, Jay. You're very imaginative and creative with all these plans. The dialogue was well executed, and served to build more intrigue and tension as this plot continues.
Saw a couple of itty-bitty things: "No, I just have so much to do(.)" (B)ut he still had the smile twisting at his lips.
even (after) the door closed. - suggest.
Av
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Solid work, Jay. You're very imaginative and creative with all these plans. The dialogue was well executed, and served to build more intrigue and tension as this plot continues.
Saw a couple of itty-bitty things: "No, I just have so much to do(.)" (B)ut he still had the smile twisting at his lips.
even (after) the door closed. - suggest.
Av
Comment Written 25-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Took care of that catch, Av. I put a period after "do" and started the next sentence with "He". Got rid of the "But". Thanks for your help. I'll check out that "after". I forgot to check it when I edited the other.
Comment from royowen
Glnot Ruefther is messing with the minds of Doctrex's Kabeezan army, and Glnot tells Doctrex that his army is a muti headed monster, Doctrex want's to send a letter to Colonel Roze to appoint him the commander, I think, Doctrex wants to compose a letter but Glnot wants to look at it first, will Doctrex be able to trick Reuther again? well done, a few twists and,turns, I was tired when I read this I hope I've got it right, well done, Jay, blessings, Toy
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Glnot Ruefther is messing with the minds of Doctrex's Kabeezan army, and Glnot tells Doctrex that his army is a muti headed monster, Doctrex want's to send a letter to Colonel Roze to appoint him the commander, I think, Doctrex wants to compose a letter but Glnot wants to look at it first, will Doctrex be able to trick Reuther again? well done, a few twists and,turns, I was tired when I read this I hope I've got it right, well done, Jay, blessings, Toy
Comment Written 25-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2016
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Why are you tired, Roy? I'm glad you were able to squeeze this in. You were spot on with your summary. I'm just thrilled to have you with me.
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I'm relieved Jay, thanks
Comment from Gloria ....
Well Jay my sweetness it's about time I got over here to review your book.
As you know I haven't followed the entire book, so my comments will only be on this chapter and what I can remember.
Oh I love that phrase injected into the minds, I've been looking for just that thought.
Ha. Love the bath act. Smells can be pretty loud.
If it is even possible, Jay this novel has improved dramatically. Really exciting stuff here.
But then your writing is always top notch in my humble opinion. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
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Well Jay my sweetness it's about time I got over here to review your book.
As you know I haven't followed the entire book, so my comments will only be on this chapter and what I can remember.
Oh I love that phrase injected into the minds, I've been looking for just that thought.
Ha. Love the bath act. Smells can be pretty loud.
If it is even possible, Jay this novel has improved dramatically. Really exciting stuff here.
But then your writing is always top notch in my humble opinion. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
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You are too kind, Gloria. But I'm a sucker for extravagance of praise. LOL, thank you, my dear.
I'm standing on my feet so I'm nearer the heat (rising) and it causes me to look over my computer screen as I type and I see the Tarot board with all the cards laid out for your reading. Yikes! I was going to work on it today, but my grand daughter and her boyfriend came over to visit. Tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to immersing myself in the reading. Thank you so much, Gloria, for the six!
Comment from Marvin Calloway
Jay
You seem right at home with this genre. The writing is clear with well-drawn characters. It's easy to see why you have such a high ranking.
Only two minor points come to mind and they may not be valid:
1) "Your magic was the only other thing you could use to balance the odds."
Would 'lower the odds' or 'balance the power' be appropriate?
2) But ... just hear me out."
Does this need repeating?
5 *
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Jay
You seem right at home with this genre. The writing is clear with well-drawn characters. It's easy to see why you have such a high ranking.
Only two minor points come to mind and they may not be valid:
1) "Your magic was the only other thing you could use to balance the odds."
Would 'lower the odds' or 'balance the power' be appropriate?
2) But ... just hear me out."
Does this need repeating?
5 *
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Hey, Marv, they are valid if they're valid to you. I agree with the first and changed it. I'll check over the second later. Meanwhile, thanks for the good eye/ear. I appreciate it.
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You're welcome.
Comment from DonandVicki
I really enjoy this style of fantasy fiction, you have a way of constructing a story that holds on to the readers attention. Nice character development. The art choice for the work enhances the story.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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I really enjoy this style of fantasy fiction, you have a way of constructing a story that holds on to the readers attention. Nice character development. The art choice for the work enhances the story.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Many thanks, Don and Vicki. Glad you're enjoying it.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Jay
= I hope, the way these two are talking that something happens soon.
= I think Glnot has played nice quite awhile, so I'll be glad to see Doctrex take him on! (*<*)
= Good chapter.
<> Upper case: General
= Yes, general
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie (*>*) Jax
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Hi, Jay
= I hope, the way these two are talking that something happens soon.
= I think Glnot has played nice quite awhile, so I'll be glad to see Doctrex take him on! (*<*)
= Good chapter.
<> Upper case: General
= Yes, general
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie (*>*) Jax
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2016
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Wow! Thanks, Jax, for the sixer. Yeah, let's get something going between them.
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That sixer means Doctrex MUST win the whole enchilada! (*<*)
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Enchilada with guacamole!
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Yukkkkk, I hate guacamole! Now, sour cream and we're talking! (*<*)
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi Jay,
Read through this chapter. The civil standoff of vying for the win between Glnot and Doctrex continues. The flow of dialogue and motion continues with pleasing beats between. I bounced back and forth between the tone of Doctrex's insistence to be heard showing persuasion, and wondering if it showed him in a state of being vulnerable/ desperate to recover.
fearsome Kabeezan army, General Brother."
(I also smiled at this cleverness... and then read bout the smiling between them and smiled again. That was a neat shared mirror facing mirror moment for me. Where everyone paused without missing a beat to appreciate the perfect fit of this title quip)
"The Master has left his yoke. His plow drifts in random directions." (This statement really does a good job of knocking into my head what the gist of Glnot's amusement is about, and I like the way it then flows directly into plot point clues that Doctrex is able to muse about to continue the flow of logic and conversation.)
the back of his throat, along with one missing molar.
(Like the details... though I do say, no other author I've read has a way of having me notice so deep inside people's mouths. It's one of those kind's of descriptions that I attribute to completely to you.)
to attack until I let them know the time is right."
(I really like that Glnot is doing some effective things in the background as a leader intent on military conquest, to maintain himself as a challenging villain)
The orders for Gerol Roze will come in the second, [and] fully sealed[,] letter, delivered by Medic Glassem, who will authenticate (that) it came from me.
(My thoughts on this sentence... could use some clearing up/ clarifying/ smoothing out. How to do that... Not sure, but I don't know if the interrupt is causing a chopping up here. the 'that' might be needed, or at minimum a comma... but otherwise authenticate it flows together. He will authenticate it. He will authenticate that it came from me. He will authenticate, it came from me. I like the comma version of my suggest least; the that, I understand the desire to avoid that. but it might be needed.
creed." I slapped the heel of my hand against my head. "Of
(Can't Glnot use this information to cause bad thing to happen too? if he wanted to? Especially if the letters are separate...? One letter to say... hey! this sealed letter is really for me... and then the sealed letter to have an instruction? Can't the sealed letter be swapped once the authenticating letter is checked? Any instruction follow thereafter?)
I smiled, but it was my turn to shake my fist at him.
(I like the continuity of interaction between them.)
This was an easy to follow chapter for me, I only paused a few times. I'm really curious to see how it plays out, How Doctrex will overcome, if the end downfall of Glnot will be brutal, with all this time spent with each other, how that will effect each in their ultimate goals.
As an end thought, what I think the plan is... Doctrex will write two letters, one sealed inside the other, the outer will prove that the inner one is from him too, and it needs to go to Rove.
(But really, considering that Glnot will be the one sending the letters... the second letter could say whatever he wanted it to say? Hopefully the second letter also has information that authenticates it as his. Even then, he's giving Glnot access to his army because he could use the authenticating information to whatever ends...)
If I think about it too hard, I start walking in a circle of... what other choice does Doctrex have at the moment, but to trust the Medic and Rove and Glnot to a degree.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
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Hi Jay,
Read through this chapter. The civil standoff of vying for the win between Glnot and Doctrex continues. The flow of dialogue and motion continues with pleasing beats between. I bounced back and forth between the tone of Doctrex's insistence to be heard showing persuasion, and wondering if it showed him in a state of being vulnerable/ desperate to recover.
fearsome Kabeezan army, General Brother."
(I also smiled at this cleverness... and then read bout the smiling between them and smiled again. That was a neat shared mirror facing mirror moment for me. Where everyone paused without missing a beat to appreciate the perfect fit of this title quip)
"The Master has left his yoke. His plow drifts in random directions." (This statement really does a good job of knocking into my head what the gist of Glnot's amusement is about, and I like the way it then flows directly into plot point clues that Doctrex is able to muse about to continue the flow of logic and conversation.)
the back of his throat, along with one missing molar.
(Like the details... though I do say, no other author I've read has a way of having me notice so deep inside people's mouths. It's one of those kind's of descriptions that I attribute to completely to you.)
to attack until I let them know the time is right."
(I really like that Glnot is doing some effective things in the background as a leader intent on military conquest, to maintain himself as a challenging villain)
The orders for Gerol Roze will come in the second, [and] fully sealed[,] letter, delivered by Medic Glassem, who will authenticate (that) it came from me.
(My thoughts on this sentence... could use some clearing up/ clarifying/ smoothing out. How to do that... Not sure, but I don't know if the interrupt is causing a chopping up here. the 'that' might be needed, or at minimum a comma... but otherwise authenticate it flows together. He will authenticate it. He will authenticate that it came from me. He will authenticate, it came from me. I like the comma version of my suggest least; the that, I understand the desire to avoid that. but it might be needed.
creed." I slapped the heel of my hand against my head. "Of
(Can't Glnot use this information to cause bad thing to happen too? if he wanted to? Especially if the letters are separate...? One letter to say... hey! this sealed letter is really for me... and then the sealed letter to have an instruction? Can't the sealed letter be swapped once the authenticating letter is checked? Any instruction follow thereafter?)
I smiled, but it was my turn to shake my fist at him.
(I like the continuity of interaction between them.)
This was an easy to follow chapter for me, I only paused a few times. I'm really curious to see how it plays out, How Doctrex will overcome, if the end downfall of Glnot will be brutal, with all this time spent with each other, how that will effect each in their ultimate goals.
As an end thought, what I think the plan is... Doctrex will write two letters, one sealed inside the other, the outer will prove that the inner one is from him too, and it needs to go to Rove.
(But really, considering that Glnot will be the one sending the letters... the second letter could say whatever he wanted it to say? Hopefully the second letter also has information that authenticates it as his. Even then, he's giving Glnot access to his army because he could use the authenticating information to whatever ends...)
If I think about it too hard, I start walking in a circle of... what other choice does Doctrex have at the moment, but to trust the Medic and Rove and Glnot to a degree.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2016
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I put off reviewing this, as I did with the others, until I had more time to do it justice. You seemed to find less nits in this one, but you were still as detailed in your understanding of what happened. So I was able to get into this earlier than usual.
Can't the sealed letter be swapped once the authenticating letter is checked? [Don't forget, Rhuether is terrified of violating the cooperation that Doctrex has convinced him "the seer" is requiring of him. We'll see how that plays out.
Hopefully the second letter also has information that authenticates it as his. [I think I took care of that to Rhuether's satisfaction (in the next chapter) when he reads the completed letters.
As always, Thank you so much, Turtle, for your close attention to details. I have to trust that you gain something from my writing, enough to warrant the time you spend helping me work through it.
