Sometimes Roses, Sometimes Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Sun Embracing Mist"A collection of sonnets
15 total reviews
Comment from teols2016
A nice read. You have a good handle on rhythm and flow. It felt very natural to read this. I hope you have other pieces like this. And, of course, hang on to this one. Keep it up.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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A nice read. You have a good handle on rhythm and flow. It felt very natural to read this. I hope you have other pieces like this. And, of course, hang on to this one. Keep it up.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Wow. What great words to here. I try to write in all the forms they teach us here. I've been told that each style has something to offer. Yep, I've got a few of these. Practice makes perfect. :)) Thank you so much, mikey
Comment from lightink
Oh, this makes a lot of sense! Sometimes many of us wonder if the whole relationship we have is just a bad mistake... something that was the result of a misguided desire (to connect emotionally was physically) - then, this poems happen ;). I might be misunderstanding it but this is my take!
Beautiful imagery and good flow!
I absolutely love the closing couplet!
Just a quick observation: you used the word "though" twice in the 3rd stanza.
It might make sense to substitute one of those...
Everything else is pretty good!
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Oh, this makes a lot of sense! Sometimes many of us wonder if the whole relationship we have is just a bad mistake... something that was the result of a misguided desire (to connect emotionally was physically) - then, this poems happen ;). I might be misunderstanding it but this is my take!
Beautiful imagery and good flow!
I absolutely love the closing couplet!
Just a quick observation: you used the word "though" twice in the 3rd stanza.
It might make sense to substitute one of those...
Everything else is pretty good!
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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You have this on the money and I'm delighted with your response. Nothing but smiles here. :))
GREAT tip! I changed one of them and found the EXACT word I wanted to put in its place. Nice improvement. Thank you. And thanks for the whole response. mikey
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, it makes perfect sense, at least in my mind, and it's a wonderful glimpse into the male heart when played, intentionally or not.
Just one small edit needed - S2, L4 = "when hope is list'ning fools hear what they (choose) << not past tense 'chose'
A beautiful sonnet, Mikey. Best of luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Oh, it makes perfect sense, at least in my mind, and it's a wonderful glimpse into the male heart when played, intentionally or not.
Just one small edit needed - S2, L4 = "when hope is list'ning fools hear what they (choose) << not past tense 'chose'
A beautiful sonnet, Mikey. Best of luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Oh, thanks for catching that. Yep, I would've heard about it. Hahaha! What a wonderful response. Thank you so much, mikey
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It was my pleasure. :)
Comment from Gloria ....
First off I love your title, The sun embracing mist. It works both ways as the mist hiding the sun and the sun making the mist vanish as the sun is wont to do. That's good writing right there. It's a strong statement.
Your first stanza well develops the metaphor of love as flame and fiery passion that has melted a person frozen in cold for some time. Then reiterated that it was only a ghost or mist drawing us back to the title, or the title forward into the body of your sonnet.
The second stanza further develops the idea of this passion being only contained within the imagination of the author. Deep disappointment is all that's left. We, your reader "feels" and identifies with the protagonist.
The third stanza and volta clearly indicates a turn, even without a yet or but, that is implied. Still, even knowing it was a set up and a ruse the memories are still real. That my dear is exactly correct for what are memories, something we've or something we've found.
Your closing couplet is fantastic. Off the trickster goes without a care in the world, totally oblivious to the destruction in their wake, while the injured party blinks back tears in the mist. The mist drawing us full circle back to the title.
This is an exceptional sonnet Mikey. Definitely a strong contender in the site's contest despite some serious competition.
Very well done.
Gloria
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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First off I love your title, The sun embracing mist. It works both ways as the mist hiding the sun and the sun making the mist vanish as the sun is wont to do. That's good writing right there. It's a strong statement.
Your first stanza well develops the metaphor of love as flame and fiery passion that has melted a person frozen in cold for some time. Then reiterated that it was only a ghost or mist drawing us back to the title, or the title forward into the body of your sonnet.
The second stanza further develops the idea of this passion being only contained within the imagination of the author. Deep disappointment is all that's left. We, your reader "feels" and identifies with the protagonist.
The third stanza and volta clearly indicates a turn, even without a yet or but, that is implied. Still, even knowing it was a set up and a ruse the memories are still real. That my dear is exactly correct for what are memories, something we've or something we've found.
Your closing couplet is fantastic. Off the trickster goes without a care in the world, totally oblivious to the destruction in their wake, while the injured party blinks back tears in the mist. The mist drawing us full circle back to the title.
This is an exceptional sonnet Mikey. Definitely a strong contender in the site's contest despite some serious competition.
Very well done.
Gloria
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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I'm just thrilled beyond words by your response. You're describing in detail everything I hoped for with this. You're approval means the world. I've already won what I sought to win. This stuns me, something you are adept at. Love you, mike
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
It seemed very sad to me, Mikey.I was relieved to read your author notes and know that it was something small. But you are right; there are many times when we blow things out of proportion, especially if they are to do with our self-esteem.I loved your sonnet, and although I was not certain you were not brokenhearted, I thought you did a great job with the subtle change in line 9, Giddy
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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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It seemed very sad to me, Mikey.I was relieved to read your author notes and know that it was something small. But you are right; there are many times when we blow things out of proportion, especially if they are to do with our self-esteem.I loved your sonnet, and although I was not certain you were not brokenhearted, I thought you did a great job with the subtle change in line 9, Giddy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016
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Thank you so much! You have it to a tee. It's easy to break a heart in love. But then, it's such a quick repair when all turns out to be well after all. :)) Delighted to hear from you. mikey
