THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "The Dog That Rhuether Kicks"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
41 total reviews
Comment from boxergirl
Great job, Jay, with the continuation of your story line. The tension is tight, increasing with the behaviors of Axtilla and Rheuther. Nice descriptive detail at the end between Axtilla and Doctrex. :-)
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Great job, Jay, with the continuation of your story line. The tension is tight, increasing with the behaviors of Axtilla and Rheuther. Nice descriptive detail at the end between Axtilla and Doctrex. :-)
Comment Written 08-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Awwww, thanks for the six, Karen. I hope you enjoy the next chapter, to post Saturday. Some threads are tied together.
Comment from krprice
Delete unnecessary 'that's'.
Rhuether perked. . . do not capitalize C in champagne
Chiel removed. . . Then he. . . do no capitalize C in carafe
Axtilla's toe. . . heel, and. . .
Excellent chapter.
Karlene
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Delete unnecessary 'that's'.
Rhuether perked. . . do not capitalize C in champagne
Chiel removed. . . Then he. . . do no capitalize C in carafe
Axtilla's toe. . . heel, and. . .
Excellent chapter.
Karlene
Comment Written 08-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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champagne and carafe are lowercase now. Thanks. I'm afraid you'd have to be specific about the "thats". I go through them before each post and remove those that can be. Some, while they can be deleted, it will be at the expense of a smooth sentence. You'd have to show me an example.
Thanks, Karlene. I do appreciate your reviews.
Comment from robyn corum
Oh! I'm so glad to see this sweet movement from Axtilla! I was afraid Doctrex was imagining that her feelings for him remained strong. Whew! Good job!
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Oh! I'm so glad to see this sweet movement from Axtilla! I was afraid Doctrex was imagining that her feelings for him remained strong. Whew! Good job!
Comment Written 07-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Robyn. I'm happy you enjoyed this. Yes, she does have to be careful, but her feelings are being demonstrated--if indeed it is her foot. Turtle has her suspicions it is Rhuether's.
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hahahahahaha!!!!
Comment from country ranch writer
sounds like things may get a bit out of the ordinary with this three. seems the host wants his wife to have it on with the doctrex
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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sounds like things may get a bit out of the ordinary with this three. seems the host wants his wife to have it on with the doctrex
Comment Written 07-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Thank you,BJ. You think Rhuether want's Axtilla and Doctrex to get it on? I hope you're wrong on that. It would throw all my plans out the window.
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well the old boy has something up his sleeve
Comment from Reedblitzerman
Jay you're killing me. I'd put ten dollars on Chiel poisoning Rhuether. But now I won't know until the next episode. Does Chiel know there's something going on between Axtilla and Doctrex? He seems to be pretty observant. I guess I'll have to wait.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Jay you're killing me. I'd put ten dollars on Chiel poisoning Rhuether. But now I won't know until the next episode. Does Chiel know there's something going on between Axtilla and Doctrex? He seems to be pretty observant. I guess I'll have to wait.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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No, Chiel can't see the footsie, if that's what you mean. At least he hasn't let on to me that he knows what's going on. Thanks, Reed. I appreciate your reading this. LOL, thanks for reading.
Comment from June Estep Fiorelli
I am anxious to see at what point Chiel explodes. Is Rhuether bi-polar? One minute he's furious; the next he's calm and considerate. I guess that's one way to keep others off-balance.
As I told you way back when I first read this, it is not a genre I have ever chosen, but here I am, still reading on and getting involved with your characters. (That's a compliment!)
No major red flags here. Just wondering if Champagne and Carafe should be capitalized in the context in which they're used. Mmmmm, I'll have to check and get back.
Axtilla had better watch herself. She's playing with fire, and you love writing about it, I'll bet! Good Chapter, Jay.
June
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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I am anxious to see at what point Chiel explodes. Is Rhuether bi-polar? One minute he's furious; the next he's calm and considerate. I guess that's one way to keep others off-balance.
As I told you way back when I first read this, it is not a genre I have ever chosen, but here I am, still reading on and getting involved with your characters. (That's a compliment!)
No major red flags here. Just wondering if Champagne and Carafe should be capitalized in the context in which they're used. Mmmmm, I'll have to check and get back.
Axtilla had better watch herself. She's playing with fire, and you love writing about it, I'll bet! Good Chapter, Jay.
June
Comment Written 07-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Just to be on the safe side, I capped carafe only once. LOL, since you mentioned it I went back and put them all in lower case. True Champagne comes from that province in France. Whether the glass that serves even authentic Champagne would be capped, I don't know. Thanks, by the way for reading a genre you're not comfortable with. This is the first fantasy novel I've written. And the last. I don't even read fantasy novels myself.
Comment from amahra
Almighty Master needs his butt kick. He's a real meanie. LOL I liked this chapter, Jay. It's hard to keep excitement in a chapter without a lot of violence or sex and you managed that well. Although there was a little toe action going on with Axtilla that I wouldn't mind you extending in the next chapter. Smile.
Rhuether crossed his arms and glared at her for a tense moment, during which [time?] her eyes never left his, and her jaws clamped.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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Almighty Master needs his butt kick. He's a real meanie. LOL I liked this chapter, Jay. It's hard to keep excitement in a chapter without a lot of violence or sex and you managed that well. Although there was a little toe action going on with Axtilla that I wouldn't mind you extending in the next chapter. Smile.
Rhuether crossed his arms and glared at her for a tense moment, during which [time?] her eyes never left his, and her jaws clamped.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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I added the "time". Thanks for your keen eye and ear. It does read and sound better with that addition. Hey, thanks, AMA for the six stars. You are so generous!
Comment from Sasha
It seems Axtilla has some influence over Glnot by getting him to back down on the toast. I found her behavior curious at the end. I wonder what she is up to. Great work with this, I continue to be mesmerized by this story.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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It seems Axtilla has some influence over Glnot by getting him to back down on the toast. I found her behavior curious at the end. I wonder what she is up to. Great work with this, I continue to be mesmerized by this story.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2015
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I'm glad you enjoy it, Sasha. I'm so tired of it. I keep plugging away every night at it. It's turning into a freakin' War and Peace. How you feeling now?
Jay
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A little better each day. The doctor still says I have to wait 6-8 weeks before he will declare me completely healed.
Comment from redrocklover
This was an engaging and interesting chapter added to your ongoing story. Axtilla certainly knows how to play her part perfectly.
Linda
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015
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This was an engaging and interesting chapter added to your ongoing story. Axtilla certainly knows how to play her part perfectly.
Linda
Comment Written 07-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015
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Yes, Linda, she does a good job at it. The stakes are high. Thanks for your always appreciated review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I sense a build up to something. There was tension, obvious, in this scene. A sense of game-playing, almost.
A few things to consider:
While they glared, I let my eyes shift to the right, to Chiel, against the wall by the door. - Take a look at this, Jay. I know what you mean, but it sounds like your eyes are glaring. Maybe consider reconstructing the sentence?
Could I have imagined seeing a vanishing smile in that flash of movement? - suggest 'Had I imagined seeing... ?
Do you expect me to eat this garge swill?" - not sure what 'garge' is. ?
Chiel was returning on his knees, unseen by Rhuether and Axtilla, whose backs were to him. There was an instant, just before he realized I was watching him, that uncontrolled rage contorted his face. I made sure mine didn't reflect what I saw. He stopped in his tracks. His neck and head sagged toward the floor, and his bear-like broad back and wide shoulders rose and fell with his breath. He looked up. Our eyes held. The rage was gone. Something else I came close to identifying, but not quite, replaced it. He stood. - Great writing!
Axtilla's toe searched out my ankle, then with exquisite slowness, raised it up the outside of my calf to my knee, across it and down the inside to my ankle. - This sentence also needs a tweak, I think. It sounds like she's raising your ankle?
I'm intrigued by these characters. Look forward to the next.
Av
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015
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I sense a build up to something. There was tension, obvious, in this scene. A sense of game-playing, almost.
A few things to consider:
While they glared, I let my eyes shift to the right, to Chiel, against the wall by the door. - Take a look at this, Jay. I know what you mean, but it sounds like your eyes are glaring. Maybe consider reconstructing the sentence?
Could I have imagined seeing a vanishing smile in that flash of movement? - suggest 'Had I imagined seeing... ?
Do you expect me to eat this garge swill?" - not sure what 'garge' is. ?
Chiel was returning on his knees, unseen by Rhuether and Axtilla, whose backs were to him. There was an instant, just before he realized I was watching him, that uncontrolled rage contorted his face. I made sure mine didn't reflect what I saw. He stopped in his tracks. His neck and head sagged toward the floor, and his bear-like broad back and wide shoulders rose and fell with his breath. He looked up. Our eyes held. The rage was gone. Something else I came close to identifying, but not quite, replaced it. He stood. - Great writing!
Axtilla's toe searched out my ankle, then with exquisite slowness, raised it up the outside of my calf to my knee, across it and down the inside to my ankle. - This sentence also needs a tweak, I think. It sounds like she's raising your ankle?
I'm intrigued by these characters. Look forward to the next.
Av
Comment Written 07-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015
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While they glared at each other, I let my eyes shift to the right, to Chiel, against the wall by the door. [Does this solve the glaring error? Pun kinda intended. I also took your suggestion about the "could" sentence. MUCh better. But I can't get the editnazi to accept a capital I.
Garge was just a made up name, but since you're the third to mention it I changed it to "swill" by itself.
funny the image I created with her toe lifting his ankle above his knee and down the other side. It's kind of like getting him to cross his legs.
Av, you are so charming in your reviews while being quite helpful. Thank you for your interest and assistance.
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Glaring error? HA! I love puns. That was a good one.
Hmm. Maybe you could take your eyes out altogether. That might work, especially since the editnazi doesn't like I's either. Baddum, psssh! LOL!
As (or While) they glared at each other, my gaze shifted to the right, to Chiel... ?
And you are most welcome. :)
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I like "while" better, too. Do I have to put you in the credits? LOL.
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Absolutely. I want royalties as well. ;)