THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Sparks Kindled: Fire or Ash"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
31 total reviews
Comment from Robert Louis Fox
This is the beginning of a major scene where the forces meet. The scene is well set, maybe a little too well set, but then in my mind the ongoing dream is always competing with TV. The old Victorian style of descriptive paragraphs slow the action, break the tension if you will. Personally, I like better the places where you've sprinkled description into the action, dialogue, and thoughts.
The tension comes through loud and clear--as does the sexual tension between the three. This installment feels like the enchanting calm before a storm or disaster. I like the way Axtilla fills the scene without ever saying a word.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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This is the beginning of a major scene where the forces meet. The scene is well set, maybe a little too well set, but then in my mind the ongoing dream is always competing with TV. The old Victorian style of descriptive paragraphs slow the action, break the tension if you will. Personally, I like better the places where you've sprinkled description into the action, dialogue, and thoughts.
The tension comes through loud and clear--as does the sexual tension between the three. This installment feels like the enchanting calm before a storm or disaster. I like the way Axtilla fills the scene without ever saying a word.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Robert. I appreciate what you're saying. Oh, Axtilla will say something next post, trust me! As usual, you are a valuable asset to me. Hang tight.
Comment from krprice
The door opened. . . At tall. . .attire stood. . .
Try to avoid words like saw (see), heard, smelled, and felt.
The carpet. . . brocade,. . .
She cleared. . . dropped.
Check for missing commas in a series of phrases, clauses, or words.
Excellent chapter.
Karlene
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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The door opened. . . At tall. . .attire stood. . .
Try to avoid words like saw (see), heard, smelled, and felt.
The carpet. . . brocade,. . .
She cleared. . . dropped.
Check for missing commas in a series of phrases, clauses, or words.
Excellent chapter.
Karlene
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Glad you enjoyed the chapter, Karlene. Commas always give me a headache. I'm conscious of their inclusion and exclusion, but readers still point out my problems with them. You should be seeing less saw, heard, smelled, felt. I've been on the hunt for them. Thanks for your time, Karlene.
Comment from barkingdog
Mmm, a little under the table ankle to knee titillation from Axtilla to Doctrex has confirmed her love for him and that their plan to take out Glnot shall continue.
I fear the tailor may not survive being late with Doctrex's jacket.
:) e
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Mmm, a little under the table ankle to knee titillation from Axtilla to Doctrex has confirmed her love for him and that their plan to take out Glnot shall continue.
I fear the tailor may not survive being late with Doctrex's jacket.
:) e
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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You are very astute, Ellen, on both. We'll have to wait for it to play out. In the meantime, thanks so much for your kind words.
Comment from Sis Cat
How do you do it? The details. One of the ironies of fantasy is that you have to provide enough details to make the fantasy world real. The reader suspends belief and is absorbed by the world you created, a world that feels familiar and strange at the same time. The dinner scene was a vivid use of details--the china, the dropping of the fork on the napkin, the flecks of color in the wine. Your characters inhabit a world that is real. One of my chief joys of reading a novel is that I can focus on a different aspect in each chapter--dialogue, character, conflict. Here it is details I focus on. They are informative, imaginative, and entertaining. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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How do you do it? The details. One of the ironies of fantasy is that you have to provide enough details to make the fantasy world real. The reader suspends belief and is absorbed by the world you created, a world that feels familiar and strange at the same time. The dinner scene was a vivid use of details--the china, the dropping of the fork on the napkin, the flecks of color in the wine. Your characters inhabit a world that is real. One of my chief joys of reading a novel is that I can focus on a different aspect in each chapter--dialogue, character, conflict. Here it is details I focus on. They are informative, imaginative, and entertaining. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Oh, Cat. And you thank me for sharing. I adore what you shared with me about the impact of the chapter on you. Thanks so very much.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay well I can say there was (maybe a bit to much elegance in this chapter.
Okay it's a fantasy I should expect so ) but well written.
I have the impression that AXTILLA is the Almighty Master lovely betrothed.
Gert
Gert
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Hello Jay well I can say there was (maybe a bit to much elegance in this chapter.
Okay it's a fantasy I should expect so ) but well written.
I have the impression that AXTILLA is the Almighty Master lovely betrothed.
Gert
Gert
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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You have it right about Axtilla, Gert. But there are going to be a lot of turns in the plot. Be here, okay?
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Hi Jay
Okay will be here.
Gert
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hmm... counting the steps to the dining hall and being given the name of a very useful kitchen person. Seems like you might be doing a bit of foreshadowing, Jay.
'Her gold chiffon gown--all one could see of it above the table--brought to life the gold flecks in her amber eyes.' I really liked the sensuality of Doctrex's description of Axtilla. Just as I would expect when seeing a lover after such a long time apart. Love that sexy caress under the table!
The intricacies of your plot and characters have always been a hallmark of this novel, Jay. Very well done!
Bev
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Hmm... counting the steps to the dining hall and being given the name of a very useful kitchen person. Seems like you might be doing a bit of foreshadowing, Jay.
'Her gold chiffon gown--all one could see of it above the table--brought to life the gold flecks in her amber eyes.' I really liked the sensuality of Doctrex's description of Axtilla. Just as I would expect when seeing a lover after such a long time apart. Love that sexy caress under the table!
The intricacies of your plot and characters have always been a hallmark of this novel, Jay. Very well done!
Bev
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Bev, your commentaries are part of the reason I have the energy to go on with this novel. Believe it or not, there aren't that many chapters to go. So happy to have you along for the ride.
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I did sense you might be winding it down with Axtilla back in the picture. Glad to be of support, Jay. :)
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There still has to be the final confrontation and that takes some building up to. You are so important to the process, Bev.
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Oh, yes, Jay. It would be a shame to rush the ending after all the crafting you've done to create this amazing alternate reality.
Comment from Aiona
Ah! There's so much subtext here. It's good. Wondering about Chiel. Wondering about Axtilla's wordlessness and behavior.
"I think 'Axtilla' will be fine, do you agree, darling?"
Answered without words.... very nice use of a question.
I didn't see any typos.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Ah! There's so much subtext here. It's good. Wondering about Chiel. Wondering about Axtilla's wordlessness and behavior.
"I think 'Axtilla' will be fine, do you agree, darling?"
Answered without words.... very nice use of a question.
I didn't see any typos.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Bless you, Aiona. So happy you're enjoying this. I'm feeling fortunate to have you along for the ride.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Hmmmm, you have me on this one. I am not sure I understand about this wine, then again, maybe I'm not supposed to a this time. Maybe it's in the next post. I shall wait and see. I do see that there seems to be a lot of security and not trusting.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Hmmmm, you have me on this one. I am not sure I understand about this wine, then again, maybe I'm not supposed to a this time. Maybe it's in the next post. I shall wait and see. I do see that there seems to be a lot of security and not trusting.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2015
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Hey, Barbara. The wine? They had to drink something. I wanted to give it a little mystery, so I invented it. Also, I wanted to show Rhuether's self-involvement in his sophistication. Thank you so much for always being here for this.
Comment from Tessa Kay
Thanks to your detailed summary at the end, I'm able to follow this story. I read the last chapter, and the characters are becoming more familiar (I guess better late than never). A great way to end this chapter, though I still suspect Glnot(how do you even pronounce that?) has poisoned Doctrex's wine. She'll probably spill it somehow, and
he'll get water instead. That's just me thinking ahead totally wrong, I'm sure. :)
There were quite a few commas I noted. I'm pretty sure about them. See what you think.
-thoughts of Axtilla to lap at and seep into my mind, - love that mind picture 'lap at and seep in'. :)
-Once in the hallway, I looked to my left. There were no doors on either side - I paused at this paragraph. Found it a little hard to envision what he sees when he looks left. He's in the hallway. Is there a joining hallway on his left? No door on either side of the hallway? Why is he looking left and not straight ahead to see that there are no doors on either side of the hallway?
Top one third - I think I would leave that out. It complicates the sentence and makes it very long (for me). Also, I imagined the doors quite tall, being in a castle of sorts. Don't know how much of a garden you would see from the distance through a window in the top third of the door.
Nothing major, just something that made me think.
-"What's down that hall? (question mark)"
-asked(wouldn't put a comma there. See what Turtle thinks) with a full smile.
-and from my position in the hall(no comma) and out of sight to the occupants,
- heels click.... heels click. - a lot of clicking
-remembered Rhuether's warning(no comma) and expected her not to stint
-my attention to Axtilla(no comma) while still
-in front of her line of vision(no comma) and ventured a glimpse at her still
- Rhuether announced(no comma) and then finished
-screwing up one eye(no comma) and peering at the wine
I like the way the chapter ends. Much to look forward to. :)
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2015
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Thanks to your detailed summary at the end, I'm able to follow this story. I read the last chapter, and the characters are becoming more familiar (I guess better late than never). A great way to end this chapter, though I still suspect Glnot(how do you even pronounce that?) has poisoned Doctrex's wine. She'll probably spill it somehow, and
he'll get water instead. That's just me thinking ahead totally wrong, I'm sure. :)
There were quite a few commas I noted. I'm pretty sure about them. See what you think.
-thoughts of Axtilla to lap at and seep into my mind, - love that mind picture 'lap at and seep in'. :)
-Once in the hallway, I looked to my left. There were no doors on either side - I paused at this paragraph. Found it a little hard to envision what he sees when he looks left. He's in the hallway. Is there a joining hallway on his left? No door on either side of the hallway? Why is he looking left and not straight ahead to see that there are no doors on either side of the hallway?
Top one third - I think I would leave that out. It complicates the sentence and makes it very long (for me). Also, I imagined the doors quite tall, being in a castle of sorts. Don't know how much of a garden you would see from the distance through a window in the top third of the door.
Nothing major, just something that made me think.
-"What's down that hall? (question mark)"
-asked(wouldn't put a comma there. See what Turtle thinks) with a full smile.
-and from my position in the hall(no comma) and out of sight to the occupants,
- heels click.... heels click. - a lot of clicking
-remembered Rhuether's warning(no comma) and expected her not to stint
-my attention to Axtilla(no comma) while still
-in front of her line of vision(no comma) and ventured a glimpse at her still
- Rhuether announced(no comma) and then finished
-screwing up one eye(no comma) and peering at the wine
I like the way the chapter ends. Much to look forward to. :)
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2015
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I'll have to work on that hallway scene. The garden plays a part later, so I thought I'd foreshadow it a bit. Turtle's review came before yours so you've duplicated most of the comma suggestions. Like I told her I know so little about commas I made just about every suggestion she comes up with and then someone else comes along and, with a great deal of authority, tells me I need to add or subtract, I might do it, undoing what Turtle said. I am so frustrated. But not so much that I can't see and appreciate the fine eye you possess. So please don't stop.
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I think we should start a petition to abolish commas. I'm sure we'd get lots of signatures, mine on top.
I've sheets printed with comma rules, but even they are confusing. Exceptions on everything, disagreements on several. In the end, when I get engrossed in a good book, I never notice commas.
The main thing I go by when deciding whether to put a comma before 'and' is if the sentence following could stand on its own (unless it's a list of some sort - there go the exceptions again).
But Turtle seems to know her stuff, so if in doubt, I'd go with her.
:)
Tessa
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You, Turtle and Alex (Dashjianta, who if you haven't read, you ought to) are prime on the sight to offer the best "balanced" reviews. I always look forward to them.
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Thank you. Means a lot to me. No, I haven't read Alex's yet. Will search for his/her posts. Thanks for the tip. :)
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Alex is a female, and it isn't her real name. Nor is Dashjianta. She writes fantasy, but it's grounded in reality: no dragons or elves. Just one of her chapters though will give you a feel for her skill. And you know Turtle, and I know your abilities. And I'll let you say something nice about me. LOL.
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Don't I always? :D
Comment from Eigle Rull
This was very interesting and full of grace in the dialog. I like the titles and the descriptions you give. It was a good read, my friend. Best wishes to you.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2015
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This was very interesting and full of grace in the dialog. I like the titles and the descriptions you give. It was a good read, my friend. Best wishes to you.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2015
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Many thanks, Elgie. Always the gentleman. I'm thrilled you enjoyed this. Have a happy Thanksgiving.