THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Axtilla Versus Doctrex"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
27 total reviews
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
WHOOHOO!
Thanks for the pump. (*<*)
Hi, Jay
_ This has certainly taken a turn in direction.
_ I'm still trying to get a grasp of the Doctrex/Pondria persona.
_ I just wonder who will be left standing when it is all said and done.
_ Good chapter.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jacqueline // Jackie // Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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WHOOHOO!
Thanks for the pump. (*<*)
Hi, Jay
_ This has certainly taken a turn in direction.
_ I'm still trying to get a grasp of the Doctrex/Pondria persona.
_ I just wonder who will be left standing when it is all said and done.
_ Good chapter.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jacqueline // Jackie // Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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You still down in Huntington Beach? Haven't seen a new chapter for ages. Thanks for criting this one, though.
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- Got home last night.
- Two days of beach weather was enough.
- My brother is city/beach and this little girl is ALL country! (*<*)
- I'm wading through 60 reviews I answered.
_ And 80 emails.
- Got enough points to post a 'Dakota' chapter tomorrow. Soooo, watch out.
Comment from robyn corum
Oh my stars! Sometimes this story is just too complicated for me to follow -- especially since I came in so late! hahahaha But your imagination continues to intrigue me - this whole universe (or two or three!) that you've created. Wow. No nits, my friend!
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Oh my stars! Sometimes this story is just too complicated for me to follow -- especially since I came in so late! hahahaha But your imagination continues to intrigue me - this whole universe (or two or three!) that you've created. Wow. No nits, my friend!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Robyn. Just hang in there. It'll start making some sense to you.
Comment from Dashjianta
I'm glad Doctrex got time to think before dinner and that he's worked through it and seen a possible reason for Axtilla's behaviour. It gives him something to keep in mind when they both have to play their roles at the dinner.
Good way to get in the recap about his being pulled through the hole, too. And getting Glnot to admit to messing with Doctrex's mind with the creatures was well done too.
Suggestions:
Her hair smelled of sage and something sweet, I couldn't identify.
--Delete the comma? I think it would flow better without.
and his weight leaned onto his cane
--You could reduce this to "his weight on his cane" if you wanted to reduce word count.
his eyes closed, his feet rooted, shoulder width apart, and his weight leaned onto his cane, he appeared poised, comfortable and content.
--Perhaps start this with 'with' to go with the 'he appeared' near the end? Or start a new sentence at 'he appeared'.
Rhuether said so suddenly it had the effect of yanking me out of my thoughts.
--maybe shorten to "it yanked me' rather than 'it had the effect of...'
Why else would Rhuether have based his assumption that Pondria was determined to avenge Rhuether's murdering him?
--I think 'Why else would Rhuether have assumed...' might work better here.
"Excellent,(.) (In)in that case,
--because the 'excellent' sounds like it should stand alone when I read it.
I understand now that she'll have nothing to
--Delete 'that'? I'm not sure.
"It's good we can now talk about this, isn't it, Glnot?"
--Delete 'now'? Or move it to after 'this'?
"So, tell me(,) Glnot,"
According to the Tablets of Kyre(,) the Trining
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2015
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I'm glad Doctrex got time to think before dinner and that he's worked through it and seen a possible reason for Axtilla's behaviour. It gives him something to keep in mind when they both have to play their roles at the dinner.
Good way to get in the recap about his being pulled through the hole, too. And getting Glnot to admit to messing with Doctrex's mind with the creatures was well done too.
Suggestions:
Her hair smelled of sage and something sweet, I couldn't identify.
--Delete the comma? I think it would flow better without.
and his weight leaned onto his cane
--You could reduce this to "his weight on his cane" if you wanted to reduce word count.
his eyes closed, his feet rooted, shoulder width apart, and his weight leaned onto his cane, he appeared poised, comfortable and content.
--Perhaps start this with 'with' to go with the 'he appeared' near the end? Or start a new sentence at 'he appeared'.
Rhuether said so suddenly it had the effect of yanking me out of my thoughts.
--maybe shorten to "it yanked me' rather than 'it had the effect of...'
Why else would Rhuether have based his assumption that Pondria was determined to avenge Rhuether's murdering him?
--I think 'Why else would Rhuether have assumed...' might work better here.
"Excellent,(.) (In)in that case,
--because the 'excellent' sounds like it should stand alone when I read it.
I understand now that she'll have nothing to
--Delete 'that'? I'm not sure.
"It's good we can now talk about this, isn't it, Glnot?"
--Delete 'now'? Or move it to after 'this'?
"So, tell me(,) Glnot,"
According to the Tablets of Kyre(,) the Trining
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2015
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Sorry it took me so long to get back to you about this, Alex. Thanks for all the great catches and suggestions. I adopted all but one or two. I'll look at those, too, but later.
Comment from lancellot
Another good chapter. It is good when they end with questions. It makes the reader hungry for the answers and improves the odds of reading more. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Another good chapter. It is good when they end with questions. It makes the reader hungry for the answers and improves the odds of reading more. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Many thanks, Lance. Glad you enjoyed it and will be back for the next one.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is yet another interesting addition to the story that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is a great fantasy story and it reads well and is progressing nicely.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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This is yet another interesting addition to the story that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is a great fantasy story and it reads well and is progressing nicely.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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THanks, Tomes. Much obliged.
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My pleasure
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Jay
So Doctrex is for some reason connecting with Axtilla.
again
I recall from when you stated your book when Doctrex woke up in this fantasy land ( On a beach) you created and Axtilla found him..
Why bringing Axtilla back again?
Gert
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Hi Jay
So Doctrex is for some reason connecting with Axtilla.
again
I recall from when you stated your book when Doctrex woke up in this fantasy land ( On a beach) you created and Axtilla found him..
Why bringing Axtilla back again?
Gert
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Bless you for the six stars. The whole movement of all three books are to get Doctrex hooked up with Axtilla. He loves her. Thanks for reading this Gert. Hope you hang in there until it starts falling together.
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You are welcome Jay
Oh I will hang in you to me with this chapter your main reason is to get Doctrex hooked up with Axtilla.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi Jay,
Read through this chapter, I enjoyed the continuation, looking forward to seeing the Doctrex and Axtilla actually interact awkwardly beside Glnot... maybe.
child. She couldn't have been over(more than?) six or seven, and she hung by her
I searched frantically, but I couldn't find the hole the little girl (had?) hung down
until the time was ripe.
(You did a good job of summarizing, and having Doctrex assess what he believes is going on with Axtilla... his reasoning is sound. As a skeptical reader, I don't trust anyone save for the pov I'm provided, because that's how they get you, but the foundation is laid for a plausible explanation for Doctrex's continued faith and love toward his beloved)
His eyes drifted to the ceiling, and jerked back to me, then away.
"Mostly by playing with your mind. You actually brought them to life." He
(that's pretty neat show of power and tied up the loose ends on all the moving things up on the ceiling. Maybe he should bring them to life to help him escape, I'm a little unsteady, but I think this means, Glnot was messing with Doctrex, used his power to make Percy... or messed with his mind to get Pondria to make Percy, and then after it was done, was it Glnot who made Percy get ate, or did Pondria's powers make the frog move and thus it was Pondria who got Percy ate? )
As I lay on my back, my arms cradled behind my head, and stared at the ceiling
Paused on the flow of this sentence
With my arms cradled behind my head, I lay on my back and stared at...
Otherwise I trip on the interrupt.)
According to the Tablets of Kyre(,) the Trining would be a sudden, easy and
(suggesting this comma)
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2015
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Hi Jay,
Read through this chapter, I enjoyed the continuation, looking forward to seeing the Doctrex and Axtilla actually interact awkwardly beside Glnot... maybe.
child. She couldn't have been over(more than?) six or seven, and she hung by her
I searched frantically, but I couldn't find the hole the little girl (had?) hung down
until the time was ripe.
(You did a good job of summarizing, and having Doctrex assess what he believes is going on with Axtilla... his reasoning is sound. As a skeptical reader, I don't trust anyone save for the pov I'm provided, because that's how they get you, but the foundation is laid for a plausible explanation for Doctrex's continued faith and love toward his beloved)
His eyes drifted to the ceiling, and jerked back to me, then away.
"Mostly by playing with your mind. You actually brought them to life." He
(that's pretty neat show of power and tied up the loose ends on all the moving things up on the ceiling. Maybe he should bring them to life to help him escape, I'm a little unsteady, but I think this means, Glnot was messing with Doctrex, used his power to make Percy... or messed with his mind to get Pondria to make Percy, and then after it was done, was it Glnot who made Percy get ate, or did Pondria's powers make the frog move and thus it was Pondria who got Percy ate? )
As I lay on my back, my arms cradled behind my head, and stared at the ceiling
Paused on the flow of this sentence
With my arms cradled behind my head, I lay on my back and stared at...
Otherwise I trip on the interrupt.)
According to the Tablets of Kyre(,) the Trining would be a sudden, easy and
(suggesting this comma)
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2015
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Sorry for the delay in getting to this, but I like to reserve a block of time to attend to your suggestions. Anyway, you did a marvelous job, as you always do. I made most of the suggested changes and the flow is tighter. Thanks so much, Turtle.
Comment from Zue65
So, the saga of Doctrex and Axtilla is still available for review. I thought their story have long been terminated. I am glad it is still here. But i have to admit I have to re read some chapters, because I certainly cannot follow the thread of events by now. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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So, the saga of Doctrex and Axtilla is still available for review. I thought their story have long been terminated. I am glad it is still here. But i have to admit I have to re read some chapters, because I certainly cannot follow the thread of events by now. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Sorry you're having trouble following it. I tried to throw in some flashback to fill in some of the gaps, but the three books are long and it's hard to bring all the loose ends together here. Hope you hang in there, anyway. You may be able to take something away from it.
Comment from krprice
Overuse of 'hung' early in the chapter.
Rheuther probably. . . I knew. . . delete.
So she . . .delete unnecessary 'that's' in this paragraph and also in the paragraph starting with As I lay. . .
Excellent chapter.
Karlene
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Overuse of 'hung' early in the chapter.
Rheuther probably. . . I knew. . . delete.
So she . . .delete unnecessary 'that's' in this paragraph and also in the paragraph starting with As I lay. . .
Excellent chapter.
Karlene
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Karlene. I'll look into all that. I'm running so far behind.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Another very good chapter that moves the story along nicely. It was detailed enough to let me see the scene in my minds eye. Great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Another very good chapter that moves the story along nicely. It was detailed enough to let me see the scene in my minds eye. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 15-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Glad you are here reading this, Shirley. Your being here is important to me.
