THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Sunset of Doctrex, Dawn of Pondria?"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
35 total reviews
Comment from Teri7
This was a very good chapter you have penned. I honestly didn't think I would really like it due to the fact I have twin sons of my own, but not like these. You used very good descriptive wording and great dialog. Hugs, Teri
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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This was a very good chapter you have penned. I honestly didn't think I would really like it due to the fact I have twin sons of my own, but not like these. You used very good descriptive wording and great dialog. Hugs, Teri
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Many thanks, Teri. No, this has less to do with twins than magic. I appreciate your reading this.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Jay,
I read through this Trining chapter continuation. I'm looking forward to seeing how it plays out, though in this chapter, I am in waiting mode. I have thoughts as the writing goes, as seen below, but I don't overall know what to expect. I am always one who roots that the crazy people will lose, and the guy will get the girl, but am open to what comes and how it gets there. This chapter played the fence of Doctrex and Pondria... Pondria playing Doctrex, is it him, does he believe it? Or not? The dialogue has that just under the skin appeal, where the reader is chasing carrots. I like that.
his death ended the twins' need for cooperation?"
(a good way to extend his life, I wonder if Doctrex considers himself Pondria, or if he is using it. I believe he is Pondria, but even if he didn't think he was, his use of it towards a goal of not being beheaded looks in the right direction. But he would be entering cooperation with someone who is a bit unstable.)
"I know(,) brother." I didn't know where my words
(add the direct addressment comma)
He dabbed the refilled sockets and (paused on refilled sockets)
remembers it as it happened to another."
(Yeah, this is subtle, but doing a good job of walking the fence without him actually thinking himself as Pondria, and not making it like it is absolute bull either, but leaning on the... careful how he plays the card game)
And how about the giant birds, one of them carrying a Kabeezan soldier in its talons.(?)
(I wasn't sure if this should be a question. Like... How about those porkchops? where yeah, it's rhetorical... but still a question.)
His blouse stretched so tightly to(against)? his back[,] (that) the bandage wrapped around his ribs[,] clearly showed through. (I think this sentences might need the 'that' for it to make sense. Strongly suggesting.)
I was I no longer knew.
(I really liked Doctrex's admittance that he's pretty much a shiester, but the confusion of which side of the line he is being false from)
I listened for a prompting[,] but got none.
(This is one of those on the line, could go either way. If you like the dramatic pause, then the comma is fine, but if you put the comma there because you think you have to, you don't have to.)
He spoke with shards from a perceived wholeness he couldn't accept.
(I wondered if the pov.... I wondered what this sentence meant. Is Doctrex making this assumption?)
I waited for the urging. "Pondria forgives." (but does Doctrex? I wondered. With the end bitterness in him, I wondered again.)
I enjoyed this chapter.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Hi, Jay,
I read through this Trining chapter continuation. I'm looking forward to seeing how it plays out, though in this chapter, I am in waiting mode. I have thoughts as the writing goes, as seen below, but I don't overall know what to expect. I am always one who roots that the crazy people will lose, and the guy will get the girl, but am open to what comes and how it gets there. This chapter played the fence of Doctrex and Pondria... Pondria playing Doctrex, is it him, does he believe it? Or not? The dialogue has that just under the skin appeal, where the reader is chasing carrots. I like that.
his death ended the twins' need for cooperation?"
(a good way to extend his life, I wonder if Doctrex considers himself Pondria, or if he is using it. I believe he is Pondria, but even if he didn't think he was, his use of it towards a goal of not being beheaded looks in the right direction. But he would be entering cooperation with someone who is a bit unstable.)
"I know(,) brother." I didn't know where my words
(add the direct addressment comma)
He dabbed the refilled sockets and (paused on refilled sockets)
remembers it as it happened to another."
(Yeah, this is subtle, but doing a good job of walking the fence without him actually thinking himself as Pondria, and not making it like it is absolute bull either, but leaning on the... careful how he plays the card game)
And how about the giant birds, one of them carrying a Kabeezan soldier in its talons.(?)
(I wasn't sure if this should be a question. Like... How about those porkchops? where yeah, it's rhetorical... but still a question.)
His blouse stretched so tightly to(against)? his back[,] (that) the bandage wrapped around his ribs[,] clearly showed through. (I think this sentences might need the 'that' for it to make sense. Strongly suggesting.)
I was I no longer knew.
(I really liked Doctrex's admittance that he's pretty much a shiester, but the confusion of which side of the line he is being false from)
I listened for a prompting[,] but got none.
(This is one of those on the line, could go either way. If you like the dramatic pause, then the comma is fine, but if you put the comma there because you think you have to, you don't have to.)
He spoke with shards from a perceived wholeness he couldn't accept.
(I wondered if the pov.... I wondered what this sentence meant. Is Doctrex making this assumption?)
I waited for the urging. "Pondria forgives." (but does Doctrex? I wondered. With the end bitterness in him, I wondered again.)
I enjoyed this chapter.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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I made most of the suggested changes, Turtle. Thanks hugely for your close read. I changed the POV questioned sentence to: "He spoke AS with shards from a perceived wholeness he couldn't accept." Again, thanks.
Comment from Eigle Rull
I enjoyed reading this chapter of THE TRINING Book Three. It was interesting but hard for me to grasp, since this is apparently the first chapter of this story that I've read, or I've missed a few chapters. At any rate, it held my attention very well. The dialog was great and the storyline interesting and enjoyable. Best wishes to you, my friend.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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I enjoyed reading this chapter of THE TRINING Book Three. It was interesting but hard for me to grasp, since this is apparently the first chapter of this story that I've read, or I've missed a few chapters. At any rate, it held my attention very well. The dialog was great and the storyline interesting and enjoyable. Best wishes to you, my friend.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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I believe you've missed a few critical chapters. Elgie. Maybe you'll find something interesting or helpful even if you have to relax a little in the area of understanding. I'm thrilled you're reading it.
Comment from padumachitta
hi Jay...ah the soul searching, it is a hard life for this fellow. What nd who is he really? he is in so deep that he can not see the shores. We readers, we follow, and we hope that somehow, someway this man will find peace...well I do anyway...
padumachitta
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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hi Jay...ah the soul searching, it is a hard life for this fellow. What nd who is he really? he is in so deep that he can not see the shores. We readers, we follow, and we hope that somehow, someway this man will find peace...well I do anyway...
padumachitta
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Thanks, Padumachitta. This is quite complex. When I finish it I need to go back and uncomplicate parts of the trilogy without dumbing it down. There is a cohesiveness to it, but only if read from near the beginning.
Comment from krprice
"I know, brother." Put a comma before 'brother'.
I waited...I was relieved. . . Show relieved.
"What can I do now?" Capitalized H in He.
Excellent chapter. This is a twist I had not expected.
Karlene
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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"I know, brother." Put a comma before 'brother'.
I waited...I was relieved. . . Show relieved.
"What can I do now?" Capitalized H in He.
Excellent chapter. This is a twist I had not expected.
Karlene
Comment Written 02-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Thanks, Karlene. I'll look into more showing with that "relieved". I took care of the comma before brother. Thanks for that.
Comment from ciliverde
It seems that Doctrex/Pondria has a gift for persuasive speech. I have to admit, I feel a little bit lost here as to why exactly Rhuether is in such bad shape - how long ago did he cut Pondria from his side, and is he still recovering from those wounds? Or did something happen related to this statement:
"Tell me about Ziltinaur, brother. You said you almost died from what summoning up that magic did to you. And how about the giant birds, one of them carrying a Kabeezan soldier in its talons. That couldn't have been an easy task. And then there was Morz exploding."
It sounds like something evil he had planned backfired on him. Of course my issues result from this format: joining midstream and not getting to read it all in one go.
Your dialogue is very good, as always, and you have nice descriptive phrases, like this one: "his pupils glistening like tiny black pebbles beneath the silvery shallows of his irises" The implication of shallowness in his eyes feels rather unsettling.
The ending is interesting too. "The bitterness attacked my throat. Were my days as Doctrex coming to an end?"
Who is this man? I'm not sure he really in Pondria. Or maybe, if he's Pondria reborn he really is a different person.
Carol
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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It seems that Doctrex/Pondria has a gift for persuasive speech. I have to admit, I feel a little bit lost here as to why exactly Rhuether is in such bad shape - how long ago did he cut Pondria from his side, and is he still recovering from those wounds? Or did something happen related to this statement:
"Tell me about Ziltinaur, brother. You said you almost died from what summoning up that magic did to you. And how about the giant birds, one of them carrying a Kabeezan soldier in its talons. That couldn't have been an easy task. And then there was Morz exploding."
It sounds like something evil he had planned backfired on him. Of course my issues result from this format: joining midstream and not getting to read it all in one go.
Your dialogue is very good, as always, and you have nice descriptive phrases, like this one: "his pupils glistening like tiny black pebbles beneath the silvery shallows of his irises" The implication of shallowness in his eyes feels rather unsettling.
The ending is interesting too. "The bitterness attacked my throat. Were my days as Doctrex coming to an end?"
Who is this man? I'm not sure he really in Pondria. Or maybe, if he's Pondria reborn he really is a different person.
Carol
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Hi, Carol. When the twins were conjoined (IT IS A PART OF MYTH) each was given separate magic by the seer, that if used in cooperation, would cause their magic to rival he gods. Rhuether liked Pondria's magic because it was "physical" while his own was mental (causing bad dreams for others, bringing on pains, etc.); He killed Pondria by stabbing him with a knife, then used the knife to separate them. Then he used Pondria's powers to fly to the Far North Province, where he later deposed the ruler and became ruler himself. Any time Rhuether used Pondria's power he suffered physically from it, nearly dying a few times. Doctrex/Pondria is using this against Rhuether, and will use it more later. Hope this clears up a little of a very complicated plot.
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Hi Jay, yes this certainly helps to clear things up. I could certainly feel how much Rhuether was suffering physically - severely. Great story line - yes it is complicated, but it works when it's well thought out.
Hey...if you can spare a minute, check out The Specter? My "scary" poem for Dean's book :)
Comment from MelReyn
I don't understand what these two are talking about, but I can recognise strong prose and dialogue when I see it, regardless of my confusion about events. You have great moments --the words flutter down to his lap with his fingers, the bandage showing through his tightened shirt... even the drooping mustache (which much to my delight was a clue to how the character felt). All signs of a great writer. ;)
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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I don't understand what these two are talking about, but I can recognise strong prose and dialogue when I see it, regardless of my confusion about events. You have great moments --the words flutter down to his lap with his fingers, the bandage showing through his tightened shirt... even the drooping mustache (which much to my delight was a clue to how the character felt). All signs of a great writer. ;)
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Bless you, Mel (is that right?) for hanging in there despite your confusion. It's near the end of a LOOOOONG trilogy. Let me include (by pasting) what I wrote another reader: When the twins were conjoined (IT IS A PART OF MYTH) each was given separate magic by the seer, that if used in cooperation, would cause their magic to rival he gods. Rhuether liked Pondria's magic because it was "physical" while his own was mental (causing bad dreams for others, bringing on pains, etc.); He killed Pondria by stabbing him with a knife, then used the knife to separate them. Then he used Pondria's powers to fly to the Far North Province, where he later deposed the ruler and became ruler himself. Any time Rhuether used Pondria's power he suffered physically from it, nearly dying a few times. Doctrex/Pondria is using this against Rhuether, and will use it more later. Hope this clears up a little of a very complicated plot.
Once again, thanks for reading.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Jay I must give you a six
Because, it seems you love to like us readers put on out thinking cap and not miss the important details in your financing story especial like you said rom the start of this chapter-
Is Doctrex Playing Pondria, or Pondria Playing Doctrex?
Gert
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Hi Jay I must give you a six
Because, it seems you love to like us readers put on out thinking cap and not miss the important details in your financing story especial like you said rom the start of this chapter-
Is Doctrex Playing Pondria, or Pondria Playing Doctrex?
Gert
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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I so appreciate your confidence in me, Gert. I don't want you to feel like you need to give me a six, though. I'm just pleased you've been loyal to me. That means more than any six.
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You are welcome Jay,
Hey if I feel like giving you a six-- I Will
Gert
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I could see the action taking place the tightly closed eye lids. Very good descriptions and dialogue. I am still curious about this novel.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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I could see the action taking place the tightly closed eye lids. Very good descriptions and dialogue. I am still curious about this novel.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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I'm curious about the novel, too. I keep wondering how it will end, and why? LOL, it will be a different ending, I can tell you that.
Comment from Sasha
Marvelous work with this chapter. As always, it kept me glued to the screen from beginning to end. You keep me guessing as to what will happen next. Fascinating and complicated, but I just love it. I anxiously look forward to the next post.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Marvelous work with this chapter. As always, it kept me glued to the screen from beginning to end. You keep me guessing as to what will happen next. Fascinating and complicated, but I just love it. I anxiously look forward to the next post.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2015
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Sasha, you are so kind. You keep me intrigued with your adventures in Mexico, and I'll try to entertain you here.