senryu(I woke this morning)
senryu contest entry27 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
Good job with the syllable count but you broke the contest rules by the gerund in the word hearing. You may write=and hear snap, crackle and pop
....gerunds (a verb functioning as a noun with an -ing ending)
Also, senryus are written in present tense but in the contest rules doesn't say so I guess that is alright.
Gypsy
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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Hello :)
Good job with the syllable count but you broke the contest rules by the gerund in the word hearing. You may write=and hear snap, crackle and pop
....gerunds (a verb functioning as a noun with an -ing ending)
Also, senryus are written in present tense but in the contest rules doesn't say so I guess that is alright.
Gypsy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you Gypsy Blue Rose for the awesome review. I love learning the ins and outs of these things. I totally missed the Gerunds thing.
God bless!
STeve
Comment from Aiona
Very funny! I know I've heard this joke before, but not in a senryu. It follows the format correctly, 17 syllables, no rhyme, and very little punctuation. Well done!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Very funny! I know I've heard this joke before, but not in a senryu. It follows the format correctly, 17 syllables, no rhyme, and very little punctuation. Well done!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you for the awesome review Aiona, this is true when you get a bit older lol!
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Domino 2
LOL, Steve - those unforgiving rotten old bones and joints (and maybe increasing flatulence, too - 'pop'), eh? - very clever!
This is bound to appeal to all the 'oldies' on site - myself included. OUCH! ;-)
Bound to contend strongly, and I wouldn't be surprised to see it win.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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LOL, Steve - those unforgiving rotten old bones and joints (and maybe increasing flatulence, too - 'pop'), eh? - very clever!
This is bound to appeal to all the 'oldies' on site - myself included. OUCH! ;-)
Bound to contend strongly, and I wouldn't be surprised to see it win.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you Ray for the awesome review my friend! Flatulence of course is a common occurrence lol! I certainly appreciate the kind wishes for the win my friend.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Curly Girly
Ouch! This sounds awful. I'm glad to see that you can still keep your humour through such an awakening. Ageing is not for the feint-hearted, so they say, lol!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Ouch! This sounds awful. I'm glad to see that you can still keep your humour through such an awakening. Ageing is not for the feint-hearted, so they say, lol!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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LOL! It is a little painful at times, but for the most part it's just like knuckle popping. Thank you for the awesome review Curly Girly.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from ronnie k
I examined and place this little giant in line but more than correct format I got a great big smile "snap, crackle and pop" goes the old bones, thank for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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I examined and place this little giant in line but more than correct format I got a great big smile "snap, crackle and pop" goes the old bones, thank for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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LOL! Thank you Ronnie K for this most excellent review my friend.
God bless!
Comment from frogbook
LOL. Sadly I can surely identify with this. Great use of the lines, great chance in the contest. Very funny and entertaining.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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LOL. Sadly I can surely identify with this. Great use of the lines, great chance in the contest. Very funny and entertaining.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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Thank you Frogbook for another awesome review my friend! Unfortunately I can relate as well lol.
God bless!
Comment from Serendipity!
That's hilarious! You must be in the somewhat over sixty group. The music of our bones sure doesn't generate the enthusiastic response to the morning that Rice Krispies used to do!
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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That's hilarious! You must be in the somewhat over sixty group. The music of our bones sure doesn't generate the enthusiastic response to the morning that Rice Krispies used to do!
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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Thank you Serendipity for this awesome review my friend. I am 51 and somewhat rickety lol!
God bless!
Comment from Manic Mike
Nice! I really don't know how to critique, especially something so short, but it made me laugh so well done!
Very funny, the punchline is awesome. :)
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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Nice! I really don't know how to critique, especially something so short, but it made me laugh so well done!
Very funny, the punchline is awesome. :)
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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Thank you TJ, I appreciate all the time you have given to my work so far.
God bless!
Comment from Pantygynt
The rules say this should be about you. Are you by any chance Hilary Clinton? I'm not a gambling man But I'd be prepared to bet you ain't. However I'm not marking this down because of that, it's too well written to worry about rules. We'll just let the judges do that.
2nd Review.
This is nowhere near as good as your first effort but rules are rules. Its still a right Rice Crispy. Lol
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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The rules say this should be about you. Are you by any chance Hilary Clinton? I'm not a gambling man But I'd be prepared to bet you ain't. However I'm not marking this down because of that, it's too well written to worry about rules. We'll just let the judges do that.
2nd Review.
This is nowhere near as good as your first effort but rules are rules. Its still a right Rice Crispy. Lol
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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Thank you for not counting off for this and for the excellent review my friend. Somehow I missed the fact that it was suppose to be about me lol! The council has already alerted me on this issue. I am quite embarrassed.
God bless and thank you again.
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I didn't really think you were Hilary any more than i am Monica Lewinsky. Lol.
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LOL! Oh you having roaring with laughter my friend. A much needed moment. I changed this piece as asked by the committee.
God bless!
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I have updated my review otherwise no one looking at it later will understand what on earth I am tal;king about. Normally when I re-review I say how much the piece has improved. I didn't do that this time. Lol.
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LOL! Thank you!
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LOL! Thank you!
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LOL! Oh you having roaring with laughter my friend. A much needed moment. I changed this piece as asked by the committee.
God bless!
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You are welcome my friend!
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You are welcome my friend!
Comment from papa55mike
The fun of writing about politics. The leaders who love to put their foot in the in mouths are endless sources of inspiration. Awesome job, I wish I had a six.
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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The fun of writing about politics. The leaders who love to put their foot in the in mouths are endless sources of inspiration. Awesome job, I wish I had a six.
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2015
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Lol Thank you Papa55Mike for the awesome review. They are certainly show stoppers lol!
God bless!