When Blood Collides
Viewing comments for Chapter 55 "Wristlock"A family's love is tested.
24 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Funny description of Barbara's new (older) husband, with the turkey neck. It sounds like he was quite intelligent and successful, and the traveling must have been interesting. You cleverly found a way to keep Frank occupied with his volunteer work at the school. Sounds like he was a natural for it. I thought you might have more to say about becoming a grandmother, but figure you'll bring that up later on. Nicole seems to be rising, too. Good thing, if Jeff still hasn't found himself, or whatever the words would be for it. judi
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Funny description of Barbara's new (older) husband, with the turkey neck. It sounds like he was quite intelligent and successful, and the traveling must have been interesting. You cleverly found a way to keep Frank occupied with his volunteer work at the school. Sounds like he was a natural for it. I thought you might have more to say about becoming a grandmother, but figure you'll bring that up later on. Nicole seems to be rising, too. Good thing, if Jeff still hasn't found himself, or whatever the words would be for it. judi
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Thanks for the wonderful summary, judi. Jeff finding himself-- that's one way to put it! He has a severe case of Peter Pan Syndrome.
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You're very welcome. Great job of putting all the elements together. judi
Comment from robyn corum
Shari...
Have you been sampling the cooking sherry? Tell the truth now....
1.) "I can't believe after all I've done. Mrs. Elliot would do this to me."
--> I wanna get this off my chest before I even start reading: You're a good soul and all, and you've had a few years since these events to mellow and to forgive ol' Ell from hell, but NOT ME! I'm telling you straight up that she's gonna have to work a LOT HARDER to win me back after how she treated you! There'll be NO ARGUMENTS!
2.) In every classroom at least seventy percent had heard of (the) W.T. Edwards (facility).
--> otherwise, sounds like your hubby (good ol' W.T. !) is pretty famous! *smile*
3.) The following paragraph does not meet your usual eloquent and easy style. It --seems-- to make some assumptions about the reader's knowledge (or memory?). Since I'm a 'late-bloomer' to this one, only you can know if the readers have all this info. I'm still gonna make suggestions. That's the me we all know and love -- strike that -- put up with! *smile*
-->I asked a teacher of our more rebellious students to give hubby a chance to speak. He, in turn, shared hubby's work history at the Academy with Miss Boone, the poop-scooper and decision maker. [See how I'm also saying your pronoun is a bit indistinct re the Academy and who it is that works there?] "The parents can't handle their own children so they board them in a place where they receive schooling and therapy. I loved processing with them to work out their issues."
--> 'processing' for me is a computing word. Not getting the desired effect, maybe...?
4.) "We could use you here," Miss Boone said.
--> Shari! ARe yOu ON cOKe?
--> Mrs. Boone is still speaking to the OTHER teacher!
--> go get some coffee. I'll wait here.
5.)So many come from bad homes [d- 'often'] with [d- 'a'] mentally ill or violent parent(s)?"
--> QUESTION MARK??!!!
--> I TOLD you to GET some COFFEE!
6.)A rhetorical question again.
-->(Another rhetorical question.) --or--
--> (She doesn't know about the rhetorical questions.)
7.) kept counselors too busy to talk with those who needed it.
--> ugh. This country sometimes!
8.) celebrating his first Thanksgiving with Joanne his wife and her parents.
--> So besides Chris, there will be four...?
9.)her sense of humor and clever banter, her inner child too.
--> hummph. find it yourself.
10.) Frank objected and won the argument.
--> what argument?????
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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Shari...
Have you been sampling the cooking sherry? Tell the truth now....
1.) "I can't believe after all I've done. Mrs. Elliot would do this to me."
--> I wanna get this off my chest before I even start reading: You're a good soul and all, and you've had a few years since these events to mellow and to forgive ol' Ell from hell, but NOT ME! I'm telling you straight up that she's gonna have to work a LOT HARDER to win me back after how she treated you! There'll be NO ARGUMENTS!
2.) In every classroom at least seventy percent had heard of (the) W.T. Edwards (facility).
--> otherwise, sounds like your hubby (good ol' W.T. !) is pretty famous! *smile*
3.) The following paragraph does not meet your usual eloquent and easy style. It --seems-- to make some assumptions about the reader's knowledge (or memory?). Since I'm a 'late-bloomer' to this one, only you can know if the readers have all this info. I'm still gonna make suggestions. That's the me we all know and love -- strike that -- put up with! *smile*
-->I asked a teacher of our more rebellious students to give hubby a chance to speak. He, in turn, shared hubby's work history at the Academy with Miss Boone, the poop-scooper and decision maker. [See how I'm also saying your pronoun is a bit indistinct re the Academy and who it is that works there?] "The parents can't handle their own children so they board them in a place where they receive schooling and therapy. I loved processing with them to work out their issues."
--> 'processing' for me is a computing word. Not getting the desired effect, maybe...?
4.) "We could use you here," Miss Boone said.
--> Shari! ARe yOu ON cOKe?
--> Mrs. Boone is still speaking to the OTHER teacher!
--> go get some coffee. I'll wait here.
5.)So many come from bad homes [d- 'often'] with [d- 'a'] mentally ill or violent parent(s)?"
--> QUESTION MARK??!!!
--> I TOLD you to GET some COFFEE!
6.)A rhetorical question again.
-->(Another rhetorical question.) --or--
--> (She doesn't know about the rhetorical questions.)
7.) kept counselors too busy to talk with those who needed it.
--> ugh. This country sometimes!
8.) celebrating his first Thanksgiving with Joanne his wife and her parents.
--> So besides Chris, there will be four...?
9.)her sense of humor and clever banter, her inner child too.
--> hummph. find it yourself.
10.) Frank objected and won the argument.
--> what argument?????
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Not cooking sherry but a dry wine combined with cold and flu medicine. You bring up valid points and I added, subtracted, --made changes. "Processing" means analyzing or discussing a situation, but I reworded it anyway. :-)
Thanks for a scary, but wonderful review/editing work.
Comment from doggymad
Great write. Your family are certainly a varied bunch. Interesting how your husband managed to become a part of your work life while retaining the home/work balance. Not many can do that.
See you soon again
Freda
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Great write. Your family are certainly a varied bunch. Interesting how your husband managed to become a part of your work life while retaining the home/work balance. Not many can do that.
See you soon again
Freda
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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THanks, Freda. Home/work balance is a good way to put it.
Comment from barkingdog
Things move on and Frank was able to use his counseling skill and become a mentor. That sounds like a good fit.
Your sister remarried and became the one to travel. Even though you two didn't talk, Bobby kept you up on the news.
And you became a grandmother. Congratulations!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Things move on and Frank was able to use his counseling skill and become a mentor. That sounds like a good fit.
Your sister remarried and became the one to travel. Even though you two didn't talk, Bobby kept you up on the news.
And you became a grandmother. Congratulations!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Perfect summary, Ellen. The narrative is winding down. Two more major events yet.
Comment from Eigle Rull
This is as always, a very well written chapter. You've covered a lot of area. It is very interesting that your sister didn't care so much about the looks of her new guy. That is usually a must, from what I've seen. But I give her a pat on the back for it. It's cool that she was able to travel with him too. I enjoyed this chapter and didn't expect Jeff to change much anyway. This chapter was good enough to hold my attention well. You are such a wonderful writer, my friend. Best wishes to you.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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This is as always, a very well written chapter. You've covered a lot of area. It is very interesting that your sister didn't care so much about the looks of her new guy. That is usually a must, from what I've seen. But I give her a pat on the back for it. It's cool that she was able to travel with him too. I enjoyed this chapter and didn't expect Jeff to change much anyway. This chapter was good enough to hold my attention well. You are such a wonderful writer, my friend. Best wishes to you.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Eigle. Interesting that you pegged Jeff's personality from the start.
Comment from Realist101
I'd forgotten about Roberts marrying that guy. It didn't last at all either. But, sometimes looks isn't as important as what the guy can do? Lol! More wonderful dialogue Shari...as if I'm a fly on the wall listening to the conversation! x Susan
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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I'd forgotten about Roberts marrying that guy. It didn't last at all either. But, sometimes looks isn't as important as what the guy can do? Lol! More wonderful dialogue Shari...as if I'm a fly on the wall listening to the conversation! x Susan
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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LOL. Yeap, I have to wonder if Jeff is dynamite under the sheets. Can't ask my daughter though!
Comment from Jay Squires
In every classroom [Extra space after "In"]
Two years after Barbara had moved to the University of Michigan, [Another spacing error. Also, If I understand this, Barbara died of cancer and her widower husband goes to the Far East ...?? As I read on I see I was wrong, but it still seems like my conclusion was right based on that one paragraph. Is there a way it might be explained better--or is it just too late at night?]
Good hook at the end.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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In every classroom [Extra space after "In"]
Two years after Barbara had moved to the University of Michigan, [Another spacing error. Also, If I understand this, Barbara died of cancer and her widower husband goes to the Far East ...?? As I read on I see I was wrong, but it still seems like my conclusion was right based on that one paragraph. Is there a way it might be explained better--or is it just too late at night?]
Good hook at the end.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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I did some rewording that will hopefully clear up the situation. Maybe the tense threw you off. Thanks for your input.
Hugs,
Shari
Comment from w.j.debi
I love the updates on the family. It is great that Frank found a way to help out at the school. It sounds like he really enjoyed it and it gave you a break, too. We introverts need some alone time to recharge, don't we?
It is nice that your nephew keeps the family linked by acting as the liaison.
Excellent descriptions. I can visualize the turkey neck. She must have fallen for his brain--or the traveling.
SPAG near the end. It think you meant "knew" in this sentence--Interesting to me because Chris never know that I wanted Alexandria to be my daughter's middle name.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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I love the updates on the family. It is great that Frank found a way to help out at the school. It sounds like he really enjoyed it and it gave you a break, too. We introverts need some alone time to recharge, don't we?
It is nice that your nephew keeps the family linked by acting as the liaison.
Excellent descriptions. I can visualize the turkey neck. She must have fallen for his brain--or the traveling.
SPAG near the end. It think you meant "knew" in this sentence--Interesting to me because Chris never know that I wanted Alexandria to be my daughter's middle name.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Thanks, w.j. for your find review. I've made a few changes based on feedback. I decided to delete that whole bit about names. :-)
Comment from abbasjoy
Well, changes seem to be happening in the family, and everyone appears to be getting along.
That was certainly a win/win with Frank volunteering as a mentor. As you said, it got him out of the house for a few hours and it gave him something to focus on during those times, which was great for your relationship.
Interesting times, and I love that your grandson was called Alexander.
My younger daughter was hoping her last child was going to be a daughter (she has three sons) and she planned to name her Brianna. She didn't get the daughter, but her middle son was dating a girl named Brianna, so my daughter was thinking that's as close as she would get to having a daughter with that name. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, they broke up. So there went the name through the door.
Good read.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Well, changes seem to be happening in the family, and everyone appears to be getting along.
That was certainly a win/win with Frank volunteering as a mentor. As you said, it got him out of the house for a few hours and it gave him something to focus on during those times, which was great for your relationship.
Interesting times, and I love that your grandson was called Alexander.
My younger daughter was hoping her last child was going to be a daughter (she has three sons) and she planned to name her Brianna. She didn't get the daughter, but her middle son was dating a girl named Brianna, so my daughter was thinking that's as close as she would get to having a daughter with that name. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, they broke up. So there went the name through the door.
Good read.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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From my lessons in numerology I've learned how important a name can be! Maybe I'll do a write on it someday. Thanks for relating your experience.
Comment from Sasha
Nice that things are finally settling down. Great hubby found something he enjoys to do. I know several people with Turkey Neck and one that had surgery to fix it. The surgery is complicated and very painful as well as takes forever to recuperate. I think I'd rather have the turkey neck than the surgery. Believe me there are worse things to have. Great chapter. I look forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Nice that things are finally settling down. Great hubby found something he enjoys to do. I know several people with Turkey Neck and one that had surgery to fix it. The surgery is complicated and very painful as well as takes forever to recuperate. I think I'd rather have the turkey neck than the surgery. Believe me there are worse things to have. Great chapter. I look forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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IF I ever get turkey neck, I buy a lot of wide necklaces and scarves. :-) Harder for a man to find a way to disguise his, but he could grow a long bushy beard.
