THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Percy: The Spindly legged Savior"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
27 total reviews
Comment from LIJ Red
Excellent writing, clear descriptions of action at a leisurely pace, although Doctrex's
dilemma makes me think of driving while very sleepy. Percy's relatives found a hole
in my door screen and moved into my kitchen...
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Excellent writing, clear descriptions of action at a leisurely pace, although Doctrex's
dilemma makes me think of driving while very sleepy. Percy's relatives found a hole
in my door screen and moved into my kitchen...
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thanks, Red! Yes, there are some parallels to driving and what he went through. So far most people think it's too heavy with his subjectivity. I can tell it by the fewer people who are reading this.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very good chapter. Sounds like some of my nightmares. this is creatively written and your description of the fly was fantastic. Well done. my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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A very good chapter. Sounds like some of my nightmares. this is creatively written and your description of the fly was fantastic. Well done. my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much, Debbie. I'm glad you found some parallels, even if it is not entirely pleasant. Bless you for awarding it such a high honor.
Comment from Sasha
Having personally experienced insanity, I honestly could relate to the confusion of General Doctrex sliding back and forth between reality and insanity. Not a pleasant experience but most definitely always a memorable one. Marvelous work with this chapter. Although, I have not read previous chapters, I had no trouble following the story. As I said, marvelous work with this one.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Having personally experienced insanity, I honestly could relate to the confusion of General Doctrex sliding back and forth between reality and insanity. Not a pleasant experience but most definitely always a memorable one. Marvelous work with this chapter. Although, I have not read previous chapters, I had no trouble following the story. As I said, marvelous work with this one.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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You are so kind, Valerie. I wasn't aware of a psychotic incident in your life. You're more courageously direct about it than I would be. I'm glad you found relatability here. I have only my imagination to go by. You're giving me feedback that I didn't go too far afield.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
This is a well done fantasy fiction, well tailored with nice dialogues done in simple form. I enjoyed the read of this post, well articulated.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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This is a well done fantasy fiction, well tailored with nice dialogues done in simple form. I enjoyed the read of this post, well articulated.
ola thomas
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much, Ola. Glad it satisfied you.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay,
what an amazing chapter
You had my attention fixed to the actions of the fly;
of how you made this fly (Percy) taunting Doctrex
to keep him awake or alive?
Gert
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Hello Jay,
what an amazing chapter
You had my attention fixed to the actions of the fly;
of how you made this fly (Percy) taunting Doctrex
to keep him awake or alive?
Gert
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2015
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Yes, Doctrex teeters back and forth between believing Percy is a saint or demon. You drew a good conclusion. Thanks for reading it and for your wonderful 6 stars.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Very intense chapter. I think using the fly as a focus point for the General was great. Sometimes his mind flips were a little hard to keep up with and I would read them again. I think that was more me than you. You did a good job. Shirley
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Very intense chapter. I think using the fly as a focus point for the General was great. Sometimes his mind flips were a little hard to keep up with and I would read them again. I think that was more me than you. You did a good job. Shirley
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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If your mind kinda "flipped" that meant the chapter achieved what was intended. He was a man on the brink of lapsing into insanity with moments of clarity edged out by panic and irrationality. It had to be written very subjectively, and read, I'm afraid, very slowly. Thank you for your kind words and great rating, Shirley.
Comment from Sis Cat
The narcoleptic sleep sequence was haunting, vivid, nightmarish, surreal. Percy the fly terrorized me. I felt helpless under its gaze and its dance atop the sheets. You made me feel the Doctor's entrapment. I also enjoy your use of foggy and cloudy imagery to convey his narcoleptic state in which his mind is clouded and he is not sure what he is seeing. I am reminded of the horror movie "The Fly." The interaction between Percy and the Doctor was visceral. It makes me wonder what will happen next. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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The narcoleptic sleep sequence was haunting, vivid, nightmarish, surreal. Percy the fly terrorized me. I felt helpless under its gaze and its dance atop the sheets. You made me feel the Doctor's entrapment. I also enjoy your use of foggy and cloudy imagery to convey his narcoleptic state in which his mind is clouded and he is not sure what he is seeing. I am reminded of the horror movie "The Fly." The interaction between Percy and the Doctor was visceral. It makes me wonder what will happen next. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Huge thanks for reading this, Andre, and for your incisive commentary. It achieved for you what I wanted. For that I feel it succeeded.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I had almost forgotten about this story, but your well written post quickly brought it back to the forefront of my brain. I so enjoyed reading about Doctrex and company.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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I had almost forgotten about this story, but your well written post quickly brought it back to the forefront of my brain. I so enjoyed reading about Doctrex and company.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Barbara. Welcome back. Hope to keep you here.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I thought he was having hallucinations at first.
But since he'd had a narcotic as Jed had,
he fought to stay awake and concentrating on the
fly.
I was spellbound, watching the fly along with him. Great description.
A frog[,] squatted there - lose comma
to look at all those creatures(,) Percy? - add comma
embarrassment to me; [M](m)oreover, I didn't want Percy - lower case m
letting his capable warriors[,] do the work. - lose comma
If Percy was, indeed(,) the enemy's third flank - add comma
Great chapter, Jay.
Margaret
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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I thought he was having hallucinations at first.
But since he'd had a narcotic as Jed had,
he fought to stay awake and concentrating on the
fly.
I was spellbound, watching the fly along with him. Great description.
A frog[,] squatted there - lose comma
to look at all those creatures(,) Percy? - add comma
embarrassment to me; [M](m)oreover, I didn't want Percy - lower case m
letting his capable warriors[,] do the work. - lose comma
If Percy was, indeed(,) the enemy's third flank - add comma
Great chapter, Jay.
Margaret
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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How can I thank you? Let me count the ways. First, for your lovely words. Second, for the gentle way you coddle my ego when you point out my commas. You know commas are my nemesis. And thirdly, well, for just being you, and here for me.
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I always look forward to reading your work, Jay - a real pleasure, my friend. Margaret
Comment from royowen
An absorbing chapter Jay, along witty character Doctrex I couldn't take my attention from the fly, the fact that Jed died when being ministered the same drug, so the only chance he's got of survival he figures is to keep himself awake, dear old Percy becomes his focus, obviously hallucinating, absorbing episode Jay, it was pregnant with possibilities, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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An absorbing chapter Jay, along witty character Doctrex I couldn't take my attention from the fly, the fact that Jed died when being ministered the same drug, so the only chance he's got of survival he figures is to keep himself awake, dear old Percy becomes his focus, obviously hallucinating, absorbing episode Jay, it was pregnant with possibilities, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much, Roy. Again, your kindness is overwhelming. Just the fact that you trudge through my chapters when I know Fantasy isn't the genre you love. Blessings, friend.
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Always my pleasure Jay