Fields of Forever
100 word story contest entry45 total reviews
Comment from GWinterwin
A sad story, the picture is beautiful. A time in our countries history, that is almost embarrassing. An unpopular war that took so many American lives, and yet no victory to proclaim.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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A sad story, the picture is beautiful. A time in our countries history, that is almost embarrassing. An unpopular war that took so many American lives, and yet no victory to proclaim.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thanks for your review, my friend.
Comment from LIJ Red
This for some reason brings to mind a Viet Nam war movie I enjoyed-as well as
as Elizabeth Pena unclad-called Jacob's Ladder, about an experimental drug that-
oh, the review will save now? Excellent flash fiction. I didn't actually count the words....
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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This for some reason brings to mind a Viet Nam war movie I enjoyed-as well as
as Elizabeth Pena unclad-called Jacob's Ladder, about an experimental drug that-
oh, the review will save now? Excellent flash fiction. I didn't actually count the words....
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Red. Much obliged for you taking a look at it.
Comment from Jacob Collins
A strong contender for the contest and very will writen in just a hundred words which is a difficult task for anyone. An excellent contest entry, well done.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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A strong contender for the contest and very will writen in just a hundred words which is a difficult task for anyone. An excellent contest entry, well done.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thanks for your comments and review, Jacob.
Comment from Patti R.
Your 100 word story will surely appeal to many types of readers. The sentimental. The patriotic. The poets.
There is too much space between paragraphs, you could fix that with the editor - it's a bit distracting.
For my taste you've almost overused alliteration and consonance, a couple of my favorite writing devices, but they can be overdone.
I don't speak Vietnamese, so don't know what Hoa Ky means, but I will presume it's something along the lines of "Too bad" or "Dammit".
To write a story in only 100 words is a huge challenge. You have done an excellent job.
Patti
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Your 100 word story will surely appeal to many types of readers. The sentimental. The patriotic. The poets.
There is too much space between paragraphs, you could fix that with the editor - it's a bit distracting.
For my taste you've almost overused alliteration and consonance, a couple of my favorite writing devices, but they can be overdone.
I don't speak Vietnamese, so don't know what Hoa Ky means, but I will presume it's something along the lines of "Too bad" or "Dammit".
To write a story in only 100 words is a huge challenge. You have done an excellent job.
Patti
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
Comment from Mastery
Outstanding write, Dean. I love the way you set the whole thing up...did not see it coming...I love that sort of thing. It's the way I used top do my 100 word dashes when I entered the contests many moons ago. Good luck in the contest. Bob
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Outstanding write, Dean. I love the way you set the whole thing up...did not see it coming...I love that sort of thing. It's the way I used top do my 100 word dashes when I entered the contests many moons ago. Good luck in the contest. Bob
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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You are very kind, Bob, and I certainly value your opinions very highly. I am sincerely delighted with your complimentary review, my friend. Thank you very much! :)
Comment from Eric1
This is a really strong entry for this one hundred word competition, strong storyline and excellent use of description, good luck my friend
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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This is a really strong entry for this one hundred word competition, strong storyline and excellent use of description, good luck my friend
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks so much for your encouragement, Eric my friend. I sincerely appreciate that! :)
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You are very welcome Dean didn't realise it was you my friend.
Comment from Ulla
For some reason I think it should maybe had been turned into a poem. I like it and yet, I have difficulty with your line of thought
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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For some reason I think it should maybe had been turned into a poem. I like it and yet, I have difficulty with your line of thought
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Huh. Okay, Ulla. Jimmy is a Vietnam prisoner of war. He dies during interrogation and is reunited in heaven with his baby sister who passed away before him. Not too hard to follow, really. No one else has had much of a problem following riding the particular train you mentioned.
So be it. To each their own, I suppose. Thanks...
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Oh, I am sorry if I offended you, I really did like it, it was just my gut reaction. I am looking forward to read more from you. Ulla
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Sure.
Comment from kiwijenny
This gave me chills when I read it. One of the dads of a little boy called Josiah was deployed yesterday. He came to take his three year old home and stayed to listen to me read. All the kids hugged him and we teachers hugged him thanking him for his service..not a dry eye from us teachers ,,,the kids were too innocent to know what was going on
God bless
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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This gave me chills when I read it. One of the dads of a little boy called Josiah was deployed yesterday. He came to take his three year old home and stayed to listen to me read. All the kids hugged him and we teachers hugged him thanking him for his service..not a dry eye from us teachers ,,,the kids were too innocent to know what was going on
God bless
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Wow. That's quite a story, kiwijenny. It just goes to show you how grounded in reality such stories are, especially when they come home to roost on your own stoop.
Thanks so much for sharing that with me, and for your fantastic feedback concerning this short story. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from Judy Couch
This is an interesting way of telling of a man's death. It's very positive and uplifting. His little sister had evidently died much earlier and now he was joining her. Good job.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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This is an interesting way of telling of a man's death. It's very positive and uplifting. His little sister had evidently died much earlier and now he was joining her. Good job.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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You're exactly right, Judy. She died at birth, although I don't come right out and say that. So the very first time Jimmy gets to meet her is in heavenly paradise.
I truly appreciate your outstanding feedback on the story. It's very encouraging. :) ~Anonymous
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww, that was sadly lovely. Beautifully written, and a lovely story. How nice to think he had escaped the torture that the enemy was going to subject him too, and is now enjoying all eternity with his sister in the fields in heaven. Good luck in the contest, I like this one best. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Aww, that was sadly lovely. Beautifully written, and a lovely story. How nice to think he had escaped the torture that the enemy was going to subject him too, and is now enjoying all eternity with his sister in the fields in heaven. Good luck in the contest, I like this one best. :) Sandra
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Sandra, and you got the story perfectly, my dear friend. Although I don't come right out and say it, Jimmy's baby sister died at birth. It was the first time he'd ever gotten the chance to meet her -- in paradise.
I truly appreciate your awesome feedback, my friend. :)
~Anonymous
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You are so welcome, it was a really lovely story. You received my vote, and I do hope you win. :)
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Thank you for your support. :)