Hell's Surprise
A snapshot of a life lived.19 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi
This was an interesting take on the prompt. Something a little bit different.
This was well written in a reserved style which was fitting for the subject manner
Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Hi
This was an interesting take on the prompt. Something a little bit different.
This was well written in a reserved style which was fitting for the subject manner
Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting.
Comment from Linda Engel
A very endearing piece sharing the life and testimony of Mr. Rich and to you, a man of God , who so eloquently presented Rich's life story. My suggestion is it is too long for one piece of work. You should have broken it up into two separate reads, possible three. A lot of people who review don't have time to read very long works. and thus split them up. You may not be able to offer as much in money but that is ok. I, for one, read weather it is .02 or $1.02. It is the read. (of course some people just want the money)..that's another story. A very nice entry . Keep writing.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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A very endearing piece sharing the life and testimony of Mr. Rich and to you, a man of God , who so eloquently presented Rich's life story. My suggestion is it is too long for one piece of work. You should have broken it up into two separate reads, possible three. A lot of people who review don't have time to read very long works. and thus split them up. You may not be able to offer as much in money but that is ok. I, for one, read weather it is .02 or $1.02. It is the read. (of course some people just want the money)..that's another story. A very nice entry . Keep writing.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections. The Length is a problem and in the future I will subdivide!
Comment from K. Lorraine
The story start off well with the tone of a preacher conducting a funeral service. It took me awhile to finally understand the acrostic numerations that you pointed out in the middle of the story. This did make the story pull together with more continuity. I did think it was maybe a bit wordy though. The entire story was worthy of a Sunday sermon. It was definitely a different approach on the contest prompt. And, don't lay down your quill... you have talent! Good luck in what I call a challenging contest...
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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The story start off well with the tone of a preacher conducting a funeral service. It took me awhile to finally understand the acrostic numerations that you pointed out in the middle of the story. This did make the story pull together with more continuity. I did think it was maybe a bit wordy though. The entire story was worthy of a Sunday sermon. It was definitely a different approach on the contest prompt. And, don't lay down your quill... you have talent! Good luck in what I call a challenging contest...
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections.
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This was the most difficult entry I've ever written and I still don't know if the committee panel has accepted mine as a viable entry. I've been with FS since Aug. 2014 and I've been kicked to the curb several time before I began to get it right. Good luck.
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My profile says Oct but I joined FS Nov.1, 2014
Embrace the Love from above!
Comment from mshirachot
Wow! That was fictional? That was a most excellent celebration of life poem. I've heard quite a few funerals lately (sad to say) and many pastors/rabbis are using acrostics. Mostly they have been associated with the person's name. I liked the aspect of using character and then listing those traits in the individual.
The guy's name was PRICELESS! Wentforth - Went Forth Rich! LOL What a subtle message! Thanks for sharing this.
Best wishes with the contest entry.
Blessings,
Marsha
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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Wow! That was fictional? That was a most excellent celebration of life poem. I've heard quite a few funerals lately (sad to say) and many pastors/rabbis are using acrostics. Mostly they have been associated with the person's name. I liked the aspect of using character and then listing those traits in the individual.
The guy's name was PRICELESS! Wentforth - Went Forth Rich! LOL What a subtle message! Thanks for sharing this.
Best wishes with the contest entry.
Blessings,
Marsha
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 6 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting.
Comment from Genya
This was a great read and I loved every word of it. At the moment I needed this in my life. My hubby has just flown back to the UK to bury his mum (we live in Bulgaria) and tomorrow we set off Driving back to the UK as my mum is seriously ill in a hospice. Every day I ring the hospice and they put the phone to her ear so I can tell her I love her and I'm coming home. Reading this has helped me so much. It made me re look at mums life and my life with mum. Thank you for sharing this as I needed to read this. Genya
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was a great read and I loved every word of it. At the moment I needed this in my life. My hubby has just flown back to the UK to bury his mum (we live in Bulgaria) and tomorrow we set off Driving back to the UK as my mum is seriously ill in a hospice. Every day I ring the hospice and they put the phone to her ear so I can tell her I love her and I'm coming home. Reading this has helped me so much. It made me re look at mums life and my life with mum. Thank you for sharing this as I needed to read this. Genya
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I am so glad it ministered to your saddened spirit.
Comment from Eigle Rull
This was a long piece, however, I enjoyed every word of it. I found a couple of minor errors for you:
Those were the first words spoken to be (me?) by a dying man who I came to know as "Rich".
I (It?)was one of his greatest traits.
As I was saying, this was a beautiful sermon and it covered all the bases. I read the entire piece and it was very interesting. It held my attention like a vice. You used easy to read and understand words. It was very good. If I had a six to give you would get it for this wonderful piece. Thank you for sharing it, my friend.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was a long piece, however, I enjoyed every word of it. I found a couple of minor errors for you:
Those were the first words spoken to be (me?) by a dying man who I came to know as "Rich".
I (It?)was one of his greatest traits.
As I was saying, this was a beautiful sermon and it covered all the bases. I read the entire piece and it was very interesting. It held my attention like a vice. You used easy to read and understand words. It was very good. If I had a six to give you would get it for this wonderful piece. Thank you for sharing it, my friend.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections.
Comment from Deniz22
Well done, brother. A Christian's funeral is so different from one who has not come to faith in Christ. I recently did one where a well known man in his community had recently come to faith but had been shy in saying so. Therefore, understandably, many of his unsaved friends simply didn't believe it when they were told he had trusted Christ as his Savior. Thanks for this posting and God bless you.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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Well done, brother. A Christian's funeral is so different from one who has not come to faith in Christ. I recently did one where a well known man in his community had recently come to faith but had been shy in saying so. Therefore, understandably, many of his unsaved friends simply didn't believe it when they were told he had trusted Christ as his Savior. Thanks for this posting and God bless you.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting.
Comment from CR Delport
An interesting story that is well written. Good luck in the contest.
Those were the first words spoken to be by a dying man who I came to know as "Rich". --- to be can be left out and doesn't make any sense.
Rich through the pan out. --- threw the pan
Have a great day.
Christelle.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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An interesting story that is well written. Good luck in the contest.
Those were the first words spoken to be by a dying man who I came to know as "Rich". --- to be can be left out and doesn't make any sense.
Rich through the pan out. --- threw the pan
Have a great day.
Christelle.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting. I appreciate your improvement suggestions and have made corrections.
Comment from MusingsOfMWH
Your writing of "Hell's Surprise" demonstrates you possess the ability to inspire and motivate others. You carry out the story to a logical end, which does more than merely entertain readers; it challenges them to think about where they are as opposed to where they could be. While it's true this story involves the death of a man, it also promotes contemplating a full life--and one path people can take to reach such a goal.
Well done. In my opinion, you've earned a five-star rating.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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Your writing of "Hell's Surprise" demonstrates you possess the ability to inspire and motivate others. You carry out the story to a logical end, which does more than merely entertain readers; it challenges them to think about where they are as opposed to where they could be. While it's true this story involves the death of a man, it also promotes contemplating a full life--and one path people can take to reach such a goal.
Well done. In my opinion, you've earned a five-star rating.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2015
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This was the second time I have written for a prompt and the first one was disallowed. I decided that I ?might submit? two days before this was due. I was so busy at work that I finished then submitted ?Hell's Surprise? less than an hour before the cut off. Obviously I didn't get the time to proof read it properly. Thank YOU for taking the time to read and review my work. Thank YOU for the 5 beautiful stars you gave me. Thank You for your kind words of encouragement, they were uplifting.
