When Blood Collides
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Lull Before the Storm"A family's love is tested.
30 total reviews
Comment from Muffins
A cliff hanger ending is the best way to keep your readers coming back for more. Your chronicles about this event in your life is written in a matter of fact humorous tone. From some of the things that happen in previous chapters, I can sense a tone of frustration but not with malice.
I think Barbara is either moving next door to you, is pregnant or is taking a job everyone in the family knows she is not suited for. Holding my breath!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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A cliff hanger ending is the best way to keep your readers coming back for more. Your chronicles about this event in your life is written in a matter of fact humorous tone. From some of the things that happen in previous chapters, I can sense a tone of frustration but not with malice.
I think Barbara is either moving next door to you, is pregnant or is taking a job everyone in the family knows she is not suited for. Holding my breath!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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No, no, and no. She pulls a stunt you won't believe. No malice because in spite of her superior beauty and brains, I felt sorry for her.
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I'm racking my brain trying to figure out what it will be, but I guess I'll have to be patient until you post it.
Comment from boxergirl
Good job with continuation of your story. Mom climbing through the window made me smile. Curious about what Barbara is calling about.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Good job with continuation of your story. Mom climbing through the window made me smile. Curious about what Barbara is calling about.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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I have a lot of people waiting on the next chapter. Hope to put it on Sunday.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Worse that cancer and disease? Oh, my! Hurry and tell us. What happened? Is she in jail? What could it be that's worse than cancer? I'm stumped. Hurry! :)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Worse that cancer and disease? Oh, my! Hurry and tell us. What happened? Is she in jail? What could it be that's worse than cancer? I'm stumped. Hurry! :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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No one in a million years could guess this. Bobby himself was stunned by her drastic action.
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She did something to herself? Cut something off? Hurry and tell!
Comment from maggieadams
Love this line : when you're getting close to Heaven, it's time to treat yourself on Earth...I love your conversational style...feel like I am sitting across from you sharing "mom" stories. I am guessing the last line is leading up to the horrible news that Bobby had died. Look forward to the next chapter. I would punctuate: out-walk and out-climb and I would use a colon after agility:
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Love this line : when you're getting close to Heaven, it's time to treat yourself on Earth...I love your conversational style...feel like I am sitting across from you sharing "mom" stories. I am guessing the last line is leading up to the horrible news that Bobby had died. Look forward to the next chapter. I would punctuate: out-walk and out-climb and I would use a colon after agility:
Comment Written 23-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2015
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Your guess is wrong. What Barbara did left Bobby speechless.
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Wow, I can't wait for the next chapter...hurry.
Comment from adewpearl
heaven earth - Heaven Earth
hauling her thinning bones over the window sill - what a fantastic visual as is the visual of her standing by the fridge in search of sweets :-)
wow, I can't wait to her your sister's news - this is a true cliff hanger
Brooke
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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heaven earth - Heaven Earth
hauling her thinning bones over the window sill - what a fantastic visual as is the visual of her standing by the fridge in search of sweets :-)
wow, I can't wait to her your sister's news - this is a true cliff hanger
Brooke
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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It never occurred to me that Heaven and Earth would be capitalized, but they are proper nouns. Glad you liked the visual of bones as I just revised it two hours ago. You won't believe the stunt my sister pulled. Wait until Sunday though. :-)
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especially with Earth - we capitalize all the other planets, so it stands to reason we cap the name of our own planet :-) earth is the stuff we grow crops in
Comment from Sasha
Great work with this one. Only one suggestion...you may want to clarify who climbed through the window, your mother or Auntie Dee...it is a little confusing. I assume it was your mother but not sure.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Great work with this one. Only one suggestion...you may want to clarify who climbed through the window, your mother or Auntie Dee...it is a little confusing. I assume it was your mother but not sure.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Thanks, Smurph girl. I made it clearer. Stick around for the big climax. LOL
Comment from Deniz22
Sorry, no sixes...I've been FanStory unfaithful to you...can you forgive me? "close the icebox" Really? Don't you know you are dating us when you use such terms...at least me, who can remember the ice man delivering cool stuff for the box...certainly ensured readers for the next episode with the cliff-hanger...great as always, SM
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Sorry, no sixes...I've been FanStory unfaithful to you...can you forgive me? "close the icebox" Really? Don't you know you are dating us when you use such terms...at least me, who can remember the ice man delivering cool stuff for the box...certainly ensured readers for the next episode with the cliff-hanger...great as always, SM
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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I was waiting for someone to comment on that. Even after the term went out of use, it became a habit to use it. As long as you read, I'm happy. My sixes are all gone by Thursday. Sigh...
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Just teasing...I catch myself calling it the ice box...:)
Comment from Dean Kuch
We can only speculate as to what it was Barbara told your mother, but that's the whole point of ending it the way you have, isn't it? Sounds to me as if your mom had a case of walking pneumonia. Of course, I have no degree to back up my diagnosis, just drawing on personal experience. If your mom was embarrassed simply by seeing her son's bare chest, she'd have a massive coronary at my house, heh-heh... Can we say free ballin', anyone? ;)
~Dean
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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We can only speculate as to what it was Barbara told your mother, but that's the whole point of ending it the way you have, isn't it? Sounds to me as if your mom had a case of walking pneumonia. Of course, I have no degree to back up my diagnosis, just drawing on personal experience. If your mom was embarrassed simply by seeing her son's bare chest, she'd have a massive coronary at my house, heh-heh... Can we say free ballin', anyone? ;)
~Dean
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Be careful what you say. I've started to write about your mind. LOL
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Uh-oh. That ain't good. :}
Comment from Louise Michelle
Good grief, what could be worse than cancer. I guess I'll just have to wait to see. Another good chapter, Spitfire, that kept my interest throughout. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Good grief, what could be worse than cancer. I guess I'll just have to wait to see. Another good chapter, Spitfire, that kept my interest throughout. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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You won't believe what happened! Coming Sunday.
Comment from judiverse
Very compelling, and do you have us wondering about what Barbara's news was? I like your observation about your mother's addiction to sweets. When you're getting close to heaven, might as well treat yourself on earth. Sounds like Bobbie--that he would tell your mother only the good news. Well presented. It reads very smoothly and we are engaged in what happens with your mother and your sister. judi
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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Very compelling, and do you have us wondering about what Barbara's news was? I like your observation about your mother's addiction to sweets. When you're getting close to heaven, might as well treat yourself on earth. Sounds like Bobbie--that he would tell your mother only the good news. Well presented. It reads very smoothly and we are engaged in what happens with your mother and your sister. judi
Comment Written 22-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2015
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There is a clue in this chapter that hints at her message. The first of two in this story.
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Aha! I think I've got it!. Will stay tuned to see if I'm right. judi
