THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "BLIZZARD (Pt 1)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
24 total reviews
Comment from Fridayauthor
The story line moves along very well and we have the missing man to contend with. At least the weather has abated somewhat.
In a blizzard, especially as fierce as this one was, the blowing snow leaves large areas almost vacant of snow while anything, a tree, a rock, a rise, would cause almost insurmountable drifts. You might consider using that visual.
come forward from wherever he had been when the storm hit. come forward when the storm hit.
(You always come from where you were!)
Good chapter, Jay.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
  |
The story line moves along very well and we have the missing man to contend with. At least the weather has abated somewhat.
In a blizzard, especially as fierce as this one was, the blowing snow leaves large areas almost vacant of snow while anything, a tree, a rock, a rise, would cause almost insurmountable drifts. You might consider using that visual.
come forward from wherever he had been when the storm hit. come forward when the storm hit.
(You always come from where you were!)
Good chapter, Jay.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
-
Thanks, Ray for the astute observations. Having never been in a blizzard, your point is well taken. I'll have to consider that in the final edit. Got mixed feelings about the other. I wanted to stress his loss of sense of distance traveled, with the words "wherever he had been". I will consider it further, however. Thanks, as always for your vision.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
So we now have two missing soldiers. I am glad the men's spirit has risen. They have to be victorious over this evil. You have done another good job of writing.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
|
So we now have two missing soldiers. I am glad the men's spirit has risen. They have to be victorious over this evil. You have done another good job of writing.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
-
Thanks, Barbara for your kind words. I'm just so privileged to have you along.
Comment from rjpurdy
There is something comforting about the way the men pull together and sing. Yet, there is an underlying tension, a foreboding that one can't put a finger on. And it's more than just the coming battle. Great detail and imagery but it's the underlying tension, similar to "Lord of the Ring" trilogy that I find most captivating. Your story telling is beautiful Jay. You always leave me wanting more.
~Peace~ Rod
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
|
There is something comforting about the way the men pull together and sing. Yet, there is an underlying tension, a foreboding that one can't put a finger on. And it's more than just the coming battle. Great detail and imagery but it's the underlying tension, similar to "Lord of the Ring" trilogy that I find most captivating. Your story telling is beautiful Jay. You always leave me wanting more.
~Peace~ Rod
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
-
Thanks, Rod. You don't know how much your words make me want to race to "Lord of the Rings", but I don't dare read it now. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from c_lucas
War does not promise you sunny weather. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
|
War does not promise you sunny weather. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
-
Thanks, Charlie, as usual. You are very kind.
-
You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from royowen
Well written as usual Jay, the stories you write each time have a quite definite and individual flavour to them. With a couple of soldiers tumbling from their mounts inexplicably, apart from orthodox reasons, being bewitched is the obvious answer, but who knows, the author may have other reasons, well done, with this one, look forward with anticipation! Well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
|
Well written as usual Jay, the stories you write each time have a quite definite and individual flavour to them. With a couple of soldiers tumbling from their mounts inexplicably, apart from orthodox reasons, being bewitched is the obvious answer, but who knows, the author may have other reasons, well done, with this one, look forward with anticipation! Well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
-
Thank you so much, Roy. I'm happy you've come aboard and stayed so long. I'm trying for a numinous feel for the writing, mythic, a touch spiritual.
-
It's working Jay.
-
It's working Jay.
Comment from kiwijenny
There's nothing like an anthem and singing for raising morale..
I,like that part. This reminds me of what my teacher who caught the Japanese in WW 2 said...the Japs used psychological war fare...following soldiers and mimicking their names. He said hearing your name echoed through out the jungle was creepy. This has that feel...the not knowing feel
God bless
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
|
There's nothing like an anthem and singing for raising morale..
I,like that part. This reminds me of what my teacher who caught the Japanese in WW 2 said...the Japs used psychological war fare...following soldiers and mimicking their names. He said hearing your name echoed through out the jungle was creepy. This has that feel...the not knowing feel
God bless
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
-
Oh, that would be creepy to hear one's name echoed. Oh yes. But maybe I can fit that into a later chapter. LOL, thanks, Jenny. How was church?
-
It was great so great.:o)
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. Stars say more than I can. I think the song in this really added a heart punch.
I'm away and computer time is limited. So I will try to keep up, but my response time will be slow. padumachitta
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
 |
Hi. Stars say more than I can. I think the song in this really added a heart punch.
I'm away and computer time is limited. So I will try to keep up, but my response time will be slow. padumachitta
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
-
Thanks so VERY VERY much for the 6 stars. I like the music, but I was afraid I might be over doing it. Glad to hear I'm not.
Comment from amahra
Hi Jay, this was really a very moving chapter with the fallen soldier. Now we've learned it's two soldiers. Then to sing their tear jerking song, My Kabeez. Great job, my dear.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
|
Hi Jay, this was really a very moving chapter with the fallen soldier. Now we've learned it's two soldiers. Then to sing their tear jerking song, My Kabeez. Great job, my dear.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
-
Are you getting sick of the song? LOL, thanks, Ama, for your kind words. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from Drew Delaney
While reading, I have to get used to the style and the story itself. I didn't know what Crossans were until I came to the end.
Now I'm wondering about the song, What is Kabeez? Sorry, but it will help me for the next time I read your work. Your writing is good and didn't note any SPAG's. The word huffing made me check the word. I didn't think it would work there, but I was wrong. well done, Jay.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
|
While reading, I have to get used to the style and the story itself. I didn't know what Crossans were until I came to the end.
Now I'm wondering about the song, What is Kabeez? Sorry, but it will help me for the next time I read your work. Your writing is good and didn't note any SPAG's. The word huffing made me check the word. I didn't think it would work there, but I was wrong. well done, Jay.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
-
Kabeez is the province in the south that is the hub or center of the province. To an American, My Kabeez would be the equivalent of the Star Spangled Banner. Did I say that right? How do I know; I'm only a writer. Oh, the crossan is like a horse. It is defined in the Character section of Author's notes.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hey-O,
Questions.... If they are near the enemy, wouldn't it be a good idea not to sing? Won't enemy know their location?
Since this is Fantasy, is this back when there was not any form of communication, like walkie-talkies or short wave radios?
Inquiring mind wants to know. Good chapter of them holding up though.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
|
Hey-O,
Questions.... If they are near the enemy, wouldn't it be a good idea not to sing? Won't enemy know their location?
Since this is Fantasy, is this back when there was not any form of communication, like walkie-talkies or short wave radios?
Inquiring mind wants to know. Good chapter of them holding up though.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*.*)
Comment Written 26-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2014
-
Leave it to your mind to come up with that complication. No, they've been given special dispensation by the Pope to sing within 15 miles (no closer) to the Palace of Qarnolt. LOL, no communication. I'm thinking middle ages.