THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "ARROWSTORM (Pt 2)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
26 total reviews
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh, poor Doctrex! What a ghastly battle, but I don't think we've heard all the details so far. I think you do well to write of this mythical place in such a detailed way for the reader, Giddy
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Oh, poor Doctrex! What a ghastly battle, but I don't think we've heard all the details so far. I think you do well to write of this mythical place in such a detailed way for the reader, Giddy
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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That's a kind thing to say, Giddy. Thank you so much.
Comment from rjpurdy
Most excellent Jay! The story moved in and out of backstory and action like a perfect melodie. A believeable battle scene with pulse of the story rising with every line. I look foirwar to a complete healing for the general while I await the next post. Rod
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Most excellent Jay! The story moved in and out of backstory and action like a perfect melodie. A believeable battle scene with pulse of the story rising with every line. I look foirwar to a complete healing for the general while I await the next post. Rod
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Glad to have your distinct take on this chapter, Rod. The next one is already out and we'll see if you get your wish.
Comment from Sankey
Hey full drama time here for sure. Great story telling thanks. Thought he was gonna head back over the other side for a sec there.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Hey full drama time here for sure. Great story telling thanks. Thought he was gonna head back over the other side for a sec there.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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No, I couldn't take another stab at that description. The other one wore me out. Thanks Geoff.
Comment from GWHARGIS
From the Doctrex's description of the pain, I though for sure he had been burned. I like how you wrote his body pulled rank and he tried to sit up. That was a great mililtary description of mind over matter. Good use of evasive wording fromthe other soldiers. Kept me in a fog like he was. Good stuff. Gretchen
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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From the Doctrex's description of the pain, I though for sure he had been burned. I like how you wrote his body pulled rank and he tried to sit up. That was a great mililtary description of mind over matter. Good use of evasive wording fromthe other soldiers. Kept me in a fog like he was. Good stuff. Gretchen
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Thanks for your kind words, Gretchen. I had a lot of misgivings about my use of the kind of poetic subjective language of his injury. I've always been intrigued by how a writer can report an unconscious state while still being articulate and sounding authentic. You remember I did it in the first chapter after he died and incarnated or reincarnated, or whatever he did.
So thanks for enjoying this chapter.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Your imagery sets a relentless, tight pace that matches the characters in your story. Doctrex being saved by some quick thinking must raise the spirits of his followers. Very well done, Jay, as always.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Your imagery sets a relentless, tight pace that matches the characters in your story. Doctrex being saved by some quick thinking must raise the spirits of his followers. Very well done, Jay, as always.
:) Bev
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Your loyalty is humbling, Bev. Thank you for hanging in there throughout, I believe, all three books. You are much appreciated.
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It's been a pleasure, Jay! You are one of the rare excellent writers on the site. :)
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Awww, that's sweet!
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:)
Comment from Twilightspire
Now this is what I'm talking about! You managed to make a zombie chapter without using zombies! You took everything that makes a good zombie movie/story and distilled it into something even more terrifying, a living, breathing monster that never stops, never feels. Oh man, you have no idea how much this chapter made my day!
I love that you described enough of the battle to get our blood pumping, then bowed out with an injury to tie it up nicely.
Great job on this chapter. I reread it just for the sheer joy of it. Fantastic work, my friend!
-T.J.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Now this is what I'm talking about! You managed to make a zombie chapter without using zombies! You took everything that makes a good zombie movie/story and distilled it into something even more terrifying, a living, breathing monster that never stops, never feels. Oh man, you have no idea how much this chapter made my day!
I love that you described enough of the battle to get our blood pumping, then bowed out with an injury to tie it up nicely.
Great job on this chapter. I reread it just for the sheer joy of it. Fantastic work, my friend!
-T.J.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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You think I made YOUR day? You flat turned mine upside down with the joy that I'm a writer! At my age it would sometime be easy to say, "You know, for my remaining forty or so years (yes, I'm gonna be on Willard Scott's Smuckers' jar)I'm just gonna kick back and watch TV. Not now, my friend. Thanks to the likes of you!
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You better not! If you bowed out now I'd have to be very cross ... :D
Comment from sibhus
Oh yeah, superb follow up to the last chapter. The descriptions were great. The rain of arrows was so cool, it reminded me of the scene in the 300 when the Spartans were fighting off the Persians. Nice touch with the description of Doctrex pain also. Good action that really sucks you in, I'll have to admit, I was disapointed when it ended. Some really good stuff, Jay.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Oh yeah, superb follow up to the last chapter. The descriptions were great. The rain of arrows was so cool, it reminded me of the scene in the 300 when the Spartans were fighting off the Persians. Nice touch with the description of Doctrex pain also. Good action that really sucks you in, I'll have to admit, I was disapointed when it ended. Some really good stuff, Jay.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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I'm thrilled over your disappointment! LOL, I hope it draws you into the next chapter. It might already have. I think I responded to an earlier review by you. Thank you so much, Sibhus.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a very emotional post. I hope Doctrex is okay, but I am worried.
Plodding up the hill toward us were the creatures, hundreds of them, unhurried, unafraid, their heads held high, not from pride, but more from a nose-twitching, sniffing-out of whatever was not themselves. (I have been told a million times not to use so many 'ing' ending words and you've started your post with one. I would change it to: Hundreds of creatures plodded up the hill toward us...)
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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This is a very emotional post. I hope Doctrex is okay, but I am worried.
Plodding up the hill toward us were the creatures, hundreds of them, unhurried, unafraid, their heads held high, not from pride, but more from a nose-twitching, sniffing-out of whatever was not themselves. (I have been told a million times not to use so many 'ing' ending words and you've started your post with one. I would change it to: Hundreds of creatures plodded up the hill toward us...)
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Thank you so much, Barbara, for the advise. I will take a cold hard look at that. (In fact, I just did, and changed it!) It makes a huge difference!
Comment from kiwijenny
I love your descriptions but even more the caring Doctrex feels for the men.you have created a very likeable character so readers are emmersed in the story...his body pulling rank...cool image. I loved it
God bless
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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I love your descriptions but even more the caring Doctrex feels for the men.you have created a very likeable character so readers are emmersed in the story...his body pulling rank...cool image. I loved it
God bless
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Oh... thank you, Jenny. I'm always pleased with the 6 stars, but the kind remarks from someone whose writing I so respect -- that's the honor.
Comment from c_lucas
In the days of the officers being up front, their casualty was high. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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In the days of the officers being up front, their casualty was high. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Charlie. Glad you enjoyed it.
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You're welcome, Jay, Charlie.