The One You Never Notice
It Happens35 total reviews
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Lancellot,
Easy to see why you won the contest. This id a really god story. I really thought something would happen to Jason, so I'm glad the opposite happened.
Nicely done.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
  |
Hi Lancellot,
Easy to see why you won the contest. This id a really god story. I really thought something would happen to Jason, so I'm glad the opposite happened.
Nicely done.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
-
Thank you very much
Comment from Terror2s
This was delightful. He gets it all...loses weight and the girl. Wouldn't it be nice if real life worked that way. Congrats on the win, T2
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
|
This was delightful. He gets it all...loses weight and the girl. Wouldn't it be nice if real life worked that way. Congrats on the win, T2
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
-
Thank you very much
Comment from dennis0530
Nice story with a pleasant twist in the plot.
I am tempted to tie in the title with "Unexpected." Really, many people who you never notice unexpectedly turn out to be revelations given the right circumstances.
And here the baseball bats, supposedly weapons of destruction meant for Jason, turned in his favor. Were it not for Karen's concern regarding them, it wouldn't have turned out like it is.
Now with Jason becoming an MVP, looks like he is on the homerun.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
|
Nice story with a pleasant twist in the plot.
I am tempted to tie in the title with "Unexpected." Really, many people who you never notice unexpectedly turn out to be revelations given the right circumstances.
And here the baseball bats, supposedly weapons of destruction meant for Jason, turned in his favor. Were it not for Karen's concern regarding them, it wouldn't have turned out like it is.
Now with Jason becoming an MVP, looks like he is on the homerun.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
-
Thank you very much
Comment from livelylinda
lancellot: another good story. Seems like they all have basically the same theme. . .It did catch my interest immediately and kept me reading to see what would happen next. Congrats on the contest win! I'm beginning to think lancellot is female because these stories are all from a female point of view. Hmmmmmm. . .livelylinda
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
 |
lancellot: another good story. Seems like they all have basically the same theme. . .It did catch my interest immediately and kept me reading to see what would happen next. Congrats on the contest win! I'm beginning to think lancellot is female because these stories are all from a female point of view. Hmmmmmm. . .livelylinda
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
-
Thank you very much.
Comment from LoannaLois
I sure wish I had a six left. What a great, interesting, riveting, wonderful story! You put in all the characters, the details, the story line, and it flowed like a stream. Great job.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
|
I sure wish I had a six left. What a great, interesting, riveting, wonderful story! You put in all the characters, the details, the story line, and it flowed like a stream. Great job.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
-
Thank you very much
Comment from c_lucas
Congratulations on your win. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Your story has good imagery.
|
Congratulations on your win. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Your story has good imagery.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
Comment from thedreampeddler
Silly rabbit,,,,tricks are for kids.
Awesome job with this story. Congratulations on the contest victory.
An outstanding work.
thedreampeddler
|
Silly rabbit,,,,tricks are for kids.
Awesome job with this story. Congratulations on the contest victory.
An outstanding work.
thedreampeddler
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
Comment from Dean Kuch
I think we've all known a lot of "Mike's" in our lifetimes. I was a jock in high school, played football and wrestled, but I didn't hang out with the jocks. In fact, I could,'t stand them, the kinds of people -- and I use that word loosely -- that they were.
I'm glad that Karen, the lovely raven-haired girl who was Mike's steady girlfriend, had a heart. In fact, one could say she had an epiphany of sorts, as she was captivated my Jason's gaze and his knowledge of her past. She could tell, he actually gave a damn about her, and had for quite some time.
That last line -- classic story-telling at it's finest. The baseball references, as well a s all the dialogue in the entire story, was excellent, Lance. But that last line? That was the clincher for me.
Too bad I am all out of six star ratings to hand out. They simply do not give us enough in relation to the amount of talented writers there are on this site, yourself included.
I think, as one reviewer suggested to me, that Tom should offer those who review more more sixes, say ten. You could earn more six star reviews by reviewing more. What do you think, Lance? Do you think something like that could work?
Anyhow, regardless of that, this was A+ reading through and through.
All I can offer is a virtual six for now...
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
|
I think we've all known a lot of "Mike's" in our lifetimes. I was a jock in high school, played football and wrestled, but I didn't hang out with the jocks. In fact, I could,'t stand them, the kinds of people -- and I use that word loosely -- that they were.
I'm glad that Karen, the lovely raven-haired girl who was Mike's steady girlfriend, had a heart. In fact, one could say she had an epiphany of sorts, as she was captivated my Jason's gaze and his knowledge of her past. She could tell, he actually gave a damn about her, and had for quite some time.
That last line -- classic story-telling at it's finest. The baseball references, as well a s all the dialogue in the entire story, was excellent, Lance. But that last line? That was the clincher for me.
Too bad I am all out of six star ratings to hand out. They simply do not give us enough in relation to the amount of talented writers there are on this site, yourself included.
I think, as one reviewer suggested to me, that Tom should offer those who review more more sixes, say ten. You could earn more six star reviews by reviewing more. What do you think, Lance? Do you think something like that could work?
Anyhow, regardless of that, this was A+ reading through and through.
All I can offer is a virtual six for now...
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
-
Thank you very much. Yes, that's a good idea. The extra sixers will only encourage more reviews, so it's a win-win for the site.
-
I'm thinking of pitching the idea to Tom, but he hasn't been too receptive to my suggestions in the past. Maybe if someone like adewpearl (Brooke) asked him, but not me.
You're very welcome, Lance, it was my pleasure.
Comment from amada
A fine story with an unexpected romance, a lesson for all of us as well. Playing clean works most of the time. Great dialogue; kept the story going.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
|
A fine story with an unexpected romance, a lesson for all of us as well. Playing clean works most of the time. Great dialogue; kept the story going.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
-
Thank you very much
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. I love the story. I am glad the girl changed her mind. Jason turned out to be a good boy. He will do Karen good. So many young girls are drawn to boys that will hurt them. Karen fought a good one in the middle of a terrible trick. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
|
I love the picture. I love the story. I am glad the girl changed her mind. Jason turned out to be a good boy. He will do Karen good. So many young girls are drawn to boys that will hurt them. Karen fought a good one in the middle of a terrible trick. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
-
Thank you very much
