Leo
a young boy and his dog42 total reviews
Comment from vickib
Hi Alvin!
I thought this was such a great poem. So different than anything I've read of yours. Your voice is unique and of course very proper. It is a story, so sweet in a poem too. Love the last line. When your a child death and sorrow are difficult to wrap your head around, so if you have this little dog you can wrap your arms around him-Leo and not feel so alone. Very important for children. Your father so kind like you said to take action and let you have him.
I like the form you chose. I see the meter and rhyme pattern, I'm also thinking it must also have rhythm, but you know how hard that is for me.
An excellent wonderful story in a poem entry. I enjoyed every word.
XO
Vicki
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Hi Alvin!
I thought this was such a great poem. So different than anything I've read of yours. Your voice is unique and of course very proper. It is a story, so sweet in a poem too. Love the last line. When your a child death and sorrow are difficult to wrap your head around, so if you have this little dog you can wrap your arms around him-Leo and not feel so alone. Very important for children. Your father so kind like you said to take action and let you have him.
I like the form you chose. I see the meter and rhyme pattern, I'm also thinking it must also have rhythm, but you know how hard that is for me.
An excellent wonderful story in a poem entry. I enjoyed every word.
XO
Vicki
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thanks. I really need an exceptional review for this one. Today I received one four star review from someone who told me I should rewrite the whole poem. I worked very hard on it yesterday. You captured the kindness of my father and my dog, Leo, very well. Thanks again for an exceptional review.
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You know Alvin sometimes the reviewers have such an odd idea of what poetry should be. If it doesn't sound exactly the lax way we speak today, they think it doesn't flow or sounds awkward. But just read the art and voice they used to write with. Now that to me is what poetry should be. I detect that in this and I like it a lot. Besides you know better than most. I love your southern formality. I read his review and you are kind. I knew it was in proper form because I know you.
XO
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You are so sweet. I wish you could come to San Diego for the event on 14 April.
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I think someone told me Dana is considering driving down from Oregon for the San Diego event...Maybe you could carpool with her!
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I would if I could. My new grandson is due mid April, so I'm sticking close don't want to miss that. But I will make it one day for something, probably a reunion with all of us. XO
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Yes, wouldn't that be fun? Dana may be flying if she attends, come to think of it.
Comment from Donya Quijote
What a touching, heart-warming tale. Is this a true story? Sure sounds like one. I say that from experience, only the strays that followed me home were cats. Rhyme works well, even the proximate rhyme you mention. Your poem is fluid and evokes quite an emotional response. Well chosen picture. Good luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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What a touching, heart-warming tale. Is this a true story? Sure sounds like one. I say that from experience, only the strays that followed me home were cats. Rhyme works well, even the proximate rhyme you mention. Your poem is fluid and evokes quite an emotional response. Well chosen picture. Good luck in the contest...
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Yes, this is totally factual. Thanks for an excellent review.
Comment from Beat
A lovely story. The description is vivid and alive. I like the way you made the rhyming work. The 8th verse seems to go from the boy telling the story to someone else telling the story and then goes back to the boy telling the story in the next verses. I see you are professionally adept at writing, so it is quite possible I am not understanding your view of the 8th verse. Should be a hit for the contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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A lovely story. The description is vivid and alive. I like the way you made the rhyming work. The 8th verse seems to go from the boy telling the story to someone else telling the story and then goes back to the boy telling the story in the next verses. I see you are professionally adept at writing, so it is quite possible I am not understanding your view of the 8th verse. Should be a hit for the contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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i just refer to myself in the third person as "this young boy" in the eighth verse. I didn't wnat to overuse references to me. Thanks for an excellent review and good wishes.
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I mean "want", of course.
Comment from Taffspride
The artwork certainly enhances this well written work Alvin. Is it a picture of Leo?
The story you tell is poignant, which I am sure many can relate to.
Pets are wonderful companions, but somehow dogs even more so, since they are faithful and love unconditionally. It it nice to think of the young boy being helped through sorrow by Leo.
I enjoyed reading this story/poem aloud, it flowed so well, with good rhyme and rhythm.
In the last stanza I could feel the young boys sorrow and pain, and am so glad you had Leo to help you through.
Thanks for sharing Alvin.
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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The artwork certainly enhances this well written work Alvin. Is it a picture of Leo?
The story you tell is poignant, which I am sure many can relate to.
Pets are wonderful companions, but somehow dogs even more so, since they are faithful and love unconditionally. It it nice to think of the young boy being helped through sorrow by Leo.
I enjoyed reading this story/poem aloud, it flowed so well, with good rhyme and rhythm.
In the last stanza I could feel the young boys sorrow and pain, and am so glad you had Leo to help you through.
Thanks for sharing Alvin.
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thanks for an excellent review. No, I don't have a picture of Leo--I think my sister does, but we don't see each other that often. The picture is one I pulled off of FanArtReview. Thanks also for understanding the poem so well.
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
A sentimental story that I'm sure is true..perhaps in Australia. A wonderful progression of love and life as seen through the eyes of a child. As to the piece itself, the lines do not flow easily off the tongue, for ex:"He then lay down as disappeared the light."
As most lines are 10 beats, a few are 9 for ex: "I finally decided to ride (on) home;" Add the word 'on' to make it 10. The poem is probably too long and could be cut down. On balance the poem should be rewritten.
Regards:
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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A sentimental story that I'm sure is true..perhaps in Australia. A wonderful progression of love and life as seen through the eyes of a child. As to the piece itself, the lines do not flow easily off the tongue, for ex:"He then lay down as disappeared the light."
As most lines are 10 beats, a few are 9 for ex: "I finally decided to ride (on) home;" Add the word 'on' to make it 10. The poem is probably too long and could be cut down. On balance the poem should be rewritten.
Regards:
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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The story is true, but I grew up in the Arizona desert in the US. All the lines are in iambic pentameter. The line you question reads thus:
I FInalLY deCIDed TO ride HOME.
"Finally" is three syllables and the "ed" in "decided" is a separate syllable.
I would need more reason before I cut the poem to be shorter (I already cut two stanzas) and much more reason to rewrite a poem in light of the other reviews I have received.
Thanks for a good review.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a beautiful story about a little boy and his dog friend. The story is interesting and flows very smoothly . Nice rhymes. well done
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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This is a beautiful story about a little boy and his dog friend. The story is interesting and flows very smoothly . Nice rhymes. well done
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thanks for an excellent review. I am glad you liked the rhymes.
Comment from dannyleonn
Such a precious story, i almost did not realize it was a poem. I also like human names for pets. Leo was a wonderful choice. He sounds a faithful friend, sensing all of your needs. Thank you for sharing.
Best of luck!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Such a precious story, i almost did not realize it was a poem. I also like human names for pets. Leo was a wonderful choice. He sounds a faithful friend, sensing all of your needs. Thank you for sharing.
Best of luck!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thanks for an excellent review and understanding the poem so well.
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
To me dogs are one of God's sweetest creations they love unconditionally, listen to you for hours and never tell your secrets. This is a delightful poem. God loves you and so do I,.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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To me dogs are one of God's sweetest creations they love unconditionally, listen to you for hours and never tell your secrets. This is a delightful poem. God loves you and so do I,.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thanks for an excellent review. I am most grateful.
Comment from Florrie
Leo looks like a sad dog, indeed. Very good poem with lovely rhyme. There is much compassion in saving a dog. You must have been a very nice young boy to take him home where he was loved. Now he keeps you company. florrie
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Leo looks like a sad dog, indeed. Very good poem with lovely rhyme. There is much compassion in saving a dog. You must have been a very nice young boy to take him home where he was loved. Now he keeps you company. florrie
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Actually, it was the other way around--Leo saved me from sadness. I am sorry that didn't come through. However, my family did give Leo food and a home. (The picture isn't of Leo; I don't have one of him.) Thanks for an excellent review.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Al,
I think everyone should have a pet, in fact those who do live longer...or so I'm told. You have a strong rhyme, good alliteration in spirits/soar name/not, the flow is smooth, each line is well composed and I love the theme. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Hi Al,
I think everyone should have a pet, in fact those who do live longer...or so I'm told. You have a strong rhyme, good alliteration in spirits/soar name/not, the flow is smooth, each line is well composed and I love the theme. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
Comment Written 25-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2013
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Thanks for an excellent review. I am extremely grateful. Is Wyoming experiencing rough weather these days?
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Yes, it is cold and snowy but relief is in sight...I think! We have had snow but not as much as Colorado. Hope you are well. chey
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Yes, I have changed my look entirely to reflect the new "me." Take a look at my profile picture.
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I did see your new picture and it looks great! Never hurts to reinvent ones self!
