My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 66 "Passion flawed? (Revised title)"All of my poems of release.
25 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi Jaq, a very real sense of passion and yet pulling back uncertain. I thought you crafted this well, the reader gets all the hit of what you feel and why your pulling back.
Strong imagery, nice flow, and a sense of being free but wishing for more within the love you have to share.
Well done. Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Hi Jaq, a very real sense of passion and yet pulling back uncertain. I thought you crafted this well, the reader gets all the hit of what you feel and why your pulling back.
Strong imagery, nice flow, and a sense of being free but wishing for more within the love you have to share.
Well done. Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
Comment Written 08-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Thanks again Maureen, always a pleasure to hear you thoughts :) Jaq xx
Comment from ~Dovey
Even though this is written in free verse style, you carry a strong rhyme scheme throughout this piece. It has excellent flow and carries a strong 'voice', in both content and execution. Great job!
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Even though this is written in free verse style, you carry a strong rhyme scheme throughout this piece. It has excellent flow and carries a strong 'voice', in both content and execution. Great job!
Comment Written 08-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Thank you so much Dovey :) Jaq xx
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, jaq cee, you did an excellent job writing this skinny poem monorhyme about the way passion reveals the hidden scars. i enjoyed reading it
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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this is very well written, jaq cee, you did an excellent job writing this skinny poem monorhyme about the way passion reveals the hidden scars. i enjoyed reading it
Comment Written 08-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Thanks so much SWJ I enjoy your reviews immensely. :) Jaq xx
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
The fear of a repeat rejection can stop passion before it is ever expressed and accepted. Shame. The risk of giving all only to have it laid in a heap at you feet, untouched and unwanted. To rise above this fear, one must first rebuild the spirit. My favorite lines:
I shelve my feelings
before they
pour
into the abyss of
nothingness
as oft' times
before
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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The fear of a repeat rejection can stop passion before it is ever expressed and accepted. Shame. The risk of giving all only to have it laid in a heap at you feet, untouched and unwanted. To rise above this fear, one must first rebuild the spirit. My favorite lines:
I shelve my feelings
before they
pour
into the abyss of
nothingness
as oft' times
before
Comment Written 08-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Many thanks MW4U you are totally correct in as much as the spirit does indeed need rebuilt. Thanks again for your review. :) Jaq xx
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You are welcome. MN :)
Comment from Black_Oxygen
I lie the way the words are arranged. It flows nicely
and held my interest from start to finish. It speaks
of disappointed and unsatisfied desires. Thank You
for your creation.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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I lie the way the words are arranged. It flows nicely
and held my interest from start to finish. It speaks
of disappointed and unsatisfied desires. Thank You
for your creation.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Hi B_O gald you enjoyed my poem, as lovely to hear you thoughts. :) Jaq xx
Comment from Ronni
Intriguing reflection on how passion can sometimes
be so deep and sincere, but loved one not inclined
or prepared for mutual passions shared, thus your
passion is a kind of self abuse, and ends up lonely
nad on barren shore. Dramatic emotives throughout,
in a haunting experience. great picture compliment.
Thanks for sharing...
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Intriguing reflection on how passion can sometimes
be so deep and sincere, but loved one not inclined
or prepared for mutual passions shared, thus your
passion is a kind of self abuse, and ends up lonely
nad on barren shore. Dramatic emotives throughout,
in a haunting experience. great picture compliment.
Thanks for sharing...
Comment Written 07-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Cheers again Ronni, as ever much appreciated :) Jaq xx
Comment from reconciled
Slap me silly...look at you..lol Yea...good stuff Jaq -wink- Wonderful read and write....Get on your bad motor scooter and RIDE GIRL!...-smile- love you Michael
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Slap me silly...look at you..lol Yea...good stuff Jaq -wink- Wonderful read and write....Get on your bad motor scooter and RIDE GIRL!...-smile- love you Michael
Comment Written 07-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Welllll Michael glad you enjoyed this. I will be on that motor scooter soon, I promise, much love :) Jaq xx
Comment from Earl of Oxford
I'm not usually a fan of monorhyme, Jaq, but yours works brilliantly here, as there are sincere and heart-felt comments in-between the rhymes, plus an excellent rounded ending (maybe a question mark to have the rreader wondering more if you've given up or still hoping?
Again, you don't prattle on, but hit the reader between the eyes with raw depression, emotion and doubt, with the addition of some excellent words to express such.
Top notch free verse (sort of) with rhyme. I don't know how to pigeon-hole this style, but it works, and therefore here's a 'sixer'.
Cheers, Ray x
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2013
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I'm not usually a fan of monorhyme, Jaq, but yours works brilliantly here, as there are sincere and heart-felt comments in-between the rhymes, plus an excellent rounded ending (maybe a question mark to have the rreader wondering more if you've given up or still hoping?
Again, you don't prattle on, but hit the reader between the eyes with raw depression, emotion and doubt, with the addition of some excellent words to express such.
Top notch free verse (sort of) with rhyme. I don't know how to pigeon-hole this style, but it works, and therefore here's a 'sixer'.
Cheers, Ray x
Comment Written 07-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2013
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Wow Ray a six from you is wonderful. Thanks for reading, reviewing and helping me out.
You're a gent xx
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No probs, Jaq.
Maybe I'm sometimes good at PRETENDING I'm a 'gent'. :-) xx
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No, you are a gent in my eyes :) x
Comment from Alexmi1984
I must admit that I had to read it a few times to get to the bottom of the message that you wanted to convey. Now that I did, I'll try my best to show you how much I liked it. Your poem's reading flow was great. Your images were really powerful and helped in the appreciation of your poem. I really enjoyed the "abyss of nothingness" and I felt it spoke to me.
Alex :)
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2013
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I must admit that I had to read it a few times to get to the bottom of the message that you wanted to convey. Now that I did, I'll try my best to show you how much I liked it. Your poem's reading flow was great. Your images were really powerful and helped in the appreciation of your poem. I really enjoyed the "abyss of nothingness" and I felt it spoke to me.
Alex :)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2013
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Thank you so very much Alex. Always lovely to hear your thoughts. Thanks also for your wonderful rating xx
Comment from Rondeno
The yin and the yang of love ... desire on one side, manipulation on the other. This is an outstanding poem. The rhymes are not used here as a trick, or as icing on the cake. They sound like the chimes of a great bell, and lead inexorably to the tragic ending.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2013
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The yin and the yang of love ... desire on one side, manipulation on the other. This is an outstanding poem. The rhymes are not used here as a trick, or as icing on the cake. They sound like the chimes of a great bell, and lead inexorably to the tragic ending.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2013
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Thank you so very much Meehal, I appreciate and love your take on it. Tabhair aire agus d'fheadfadh Dia duit Meehal :) Jacqueline xx
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