My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 72 "Nature's Revenge"All of my poems of release.
21 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, jaq cee, you did an excellent job wiritng this poem about the birth pains that mother earth is feeling because of the infection we give her. i enjoyed reading it
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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this is very well written, jaq cee, you did an excellent job wiritng this poem about the birth pains that mother earth is feeling because of the infection we give her. i enjoyed reading it
Comment Written 15-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Thanks SWJ I'm glad you enjoyed. Somethings are too important to ignore. :) Jaq xx
Comment from Galactia
This is a stunning poem, very well witten and love it's strong message. I wish I had a 6 for this peace.
I loved your opeming lines...
Cyclonic winds and tortuous Tsunamis,
mighty ice-caps that melt away,
excessive heat from irate sun,
burning forests and homes each day.
Greedy corporate fat cats profit,
from the abject misery,
caused by theft and exploitation,
of the world's great scenery.
So true, it gives back what we give it, treat the earth kindly, get healthy crops, water and prety, healthy environment
Mistreat it, get volcanic eruption, earthquakes and desolate landscapes with no vegetations and poluted water.
We have to stop this devastation,
let's be heard, stand up tall,
help the earth regain its beauty,
eco-warriors one and all.
Strong message we need to adhere to.
Great job
Regards
tia
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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This is a stunning poem, very well witten and love it's strong message. I wish I had a 6 for this peace.
I loved your opeming lines...
Cyclonic winds and tortuous Tsunamis,
mighty ice-caps that melt away,
excessive heat from irate sun,
burning forests and homes each day.
Greedy corporate fat cats profit,
from the abject misery,
caused by theft and exploitation,
of the world's great scenery.
So true, it gives back what we give it, treat the earth kindly, get healthy crops, water and prety, healthy environment
Mistreat it, get volcanic eruption, earthquakes and desolate landscapes with no vegetations and poluted water.
We have to stop this devastation,
let's be heard, stand up tall,
help the earth regain its beauty,
eco-warriors one and all.
Strong message we need to adhere to.
Great job
Regards
tia
Comment Written 14-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much Tia, always appreciated. :) Jaq xx
Comment from Cogitator
I may suggest that there are hundreds, if not thousands of sites trying to stem the tide of humanity's suicide. My book suggests a way to think through it, but my intent is not for people to read books. It is to take action. John...
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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I may suggest that there are hundreds, if not thousands of sites trying to stem the tide of humanity's suicide. My book suggests a way to think through it, but my intent is not for people to read books. It is to take action. John...
Comment Written 14-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2013
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I'm sure there are John and I will look out for your book. The video was sent to me yesterday and it just really struck a chord. :) Jaq xx
Comment from rama devi
Second review
:-))
First review (FOUR stars)
Powerful, sweet Jaq C.! What a great poetic response to that awesome video and thanks for sharing it. It's the most amazing and impacting you tube film I've viewed to date.
The poem is very well voiced with excellent poetic devices.
The only suggestion I have is to remove all the comma-clutter, especially since they are not all grammatically accurate. It seems to me the commas are put there for pause effect, but the line breaks lend sufficient pause so they seem redundant. This poem does not have much enjambment but flows well nonetheless and would be easier to read withOUT the commas, IMHO. Example:
Cyclonic winds and tortuous Tsunamis
mighty ice-caps that melt away
excessive heat from irate sun
burning forests and homes each day
Now's the time we're facing payback
for the sins of humankind
global warming's taking over
robbing Mother Nature blind
Rain forests raped and bared for money
animals killed and thrown aside
even people who used it's shelter
Homeless now, no place to reside
Greedy corporate fat cats profit
from the abject misery
caused by theft and exploitation
of the world's great scenery
We have to stop this devastation
let's be heard, stand up tall
help the earth regain its beauty
eco-warriors one and all
eloquent opening line-
Cyclonic winds and tortuous Tsunamis
Superb alliteration and consonance of T as well as the repeat of I and N sounds.
mighty ice-caps that melt away - nice subtle alliteration on M
Good personification here: irate sun
Well voiced with fine alliteration, too:
Rain forests raped and bared for money
*Suggest a shift of caps here:
even people who used it's shelter
Homeless now, no place to reside
Even people who used it's shelter
homeless now, no place to reside
Good stanza--potent and effective with fine slant rhyme:
Greedy corporate fat cats profit
from the abject misery
caused by theft and exploitation
of the world's great scenery
Apt closing--we must ACT!
We have to stop this devastation
let's be heard, stand up tall
help the earth regain its beauty
eco-warriors one and all
For dramatic pause effect, I recommend a dash (optional, of course):
We have to stop this devastation
let's be heard, stand up tall
help the earth regain its beauty--
eco-warriors one and all
Love this! Thanks for your strong response...your immediate action!
Love,
rd
PS Happy to upgrade if commas are either removed or used with grammatical precision, as I honestly think it would improve the piece. Hugs, rd
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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Second review
:-))
First review (FOUR stars)
Powerful, sweet Jaq C.! What a great poetic response to that awesome video and thanks for sharing it. It's the most amazing and impacting you tube film I've viewed to date.
The poem is very well voiced with excellent poetic devices.
The only suggestion I have is to remove all the comma-clutter, especially since they are not all grammatically accurate. It seems to me the commas are put there for pause effect, but the line breaks lend sufficient pause so they seem redundant. This poem does not have much enjambment but flows well nonetheless and would be easier to read withOUT the commas, IMHO. Example:
Cyclonic winds and tortuous Tsunamis
mighty ice-caps that melt away
excessive heat from irate sun
burning forests and homes each day
Now's the time we're facing payback
for the sins of humankind
global warming's taking over
robbing Mother Nature blind
Rain forests raped and bared for money
animals killed and thrown aside
even people who used it's shelter
Homeless now, no place to reside
Greedy corporate fat cats profit
from the abject misery
caused by theft and exploitation
of the world's great scenery
We have to stop this devastation
let's be heard, stand up tall
help the earth regain its beauty
eco-warriors one and all
eloquent opening line-
Cyclonic winds and tortuous Tsunamis
Superb alliteration and consonance of T as well as the repeat of I and N sounds.
mighty ice-caps that melt away - nice subtle alliteration on M
Good personification here: irate sun
Well voiced with fine alliteration, too:
Rain forests raped and bared for money
*Suggest a shift of caps here:
even people who used it's shelter
Homeless now, no place to reside
Even people who used it's shelter
homeless now, no place to reside
Good stanza--potent and effective with fine slant rhyme:
Greedy corporate fat cats profit
from the abject misery
caused by theft and exploitation
of the world's great scenery
Apt closing--we must ACT!
We have to stop this devastation
let's be heard, stand up tall
help the earth regain its beauty
eco-warriors one and all
For dramatic pause effect, I recommend a dash (optional, of course):
We have to stop this devastation
let's be heard, stand up tall
help the earth regain its beauty--
eco-warriors one and all
Love this! Thanks for your strong response...your immediate action!
Love,
rd
PS Happy to upgrade if commas are either removed or used with grammatical precision, as I honestly think it would improve the piece. Hugs, rd
Comment Written 14-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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RD I will do it in the morning. I'm in bed now.:) Thanks for sending me that wonderful video. Jaq xxx
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Thanks for writing the poem! :) I'll be happy to upgrade after edits...sweet dreams to you. Love, rd
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Also, in the title, there needs to be an apostrophe on Nature(')s Revenge.
great title by the way. Forgot to mention!
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Do you know I had one in then doubted myself...lol. Ach well I will learn. xx
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My favorite teacher used to always say:
'Nothing is difficult. Everything is a matter of experience."
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Sage words my friend xx
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:-)
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Thanks for that rd, the grammar changes have been made. :) Jaq xx
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Great! Upgraded! Hugs, rd
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Thank you so much rd, Blessings xxx
Comment from Papabearua
Cyclonic, tortuous, mighty, excessive and burning, powerful words to start a poem with a powerful message. Your use of free verse here with a rhyme scheme of ABCb works beautifully.
You start off strong and maintain it throughout the work. The strength of the poem makes the poem flow very smoothly. The rhythm contributes to the flow and readability.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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Cyclonic, tortuous, mighty, excessive and burning, powerful words to start a poem with a powerful message. Your use of free verse here with a rhyme scheme of ABCb works beautifully.
You start off strong and maintain it throughout the work. The strength of the poem makes the poem flow very smoothly. The rhythm contributes to the flow and readability.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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Many thanks for a wonderful review Papa :) Jaq x
Comment from terry drake
Your poem is a testament to the green movement. You have delivered verses with well placed rhymes for our appreciation. Your message is strong and evenly delivered in rhythm to the verse.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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Your poem is a testament to the green movement. You have delivered verses with well placed rhymes for our appreciation. Your message is strong and evenly delivered in rhythm to the verse.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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Thanks Terry your review is appreciated. :) Jaq x
Comment from Gypsy Starchild
Rock on! I am sorry I'm out of sixes. I love this piece... It reads well, it has good rhythm ad flow.
I spent 3 months in an old growth redwood tree named Old Crone, and from my lofty perch I could see so much destruction... I could have never imagined it until I looked over it as I did.. Miles of destruction from the logging company, I could see all the way to the ocean and see some of what the commercial fisherman were doing... I could see debris washing onto the beach from Japan...
Old Crone sand 8 of her sisters still stand.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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Rock on! I am sorry I'm out of sixes. I love this piece... It reads well, it has good rhythm ad flow.
I spent 3 months in an old growth redwood tree named Old Crone, and from my lofty perch I could see so much destruction... I could have never imagined it until I looked over it as I did.. Miles of destruction from the logging company, I could see all the way to the ocean and see some of what the commercial fisherman were doing... I could see debris washing onto the beach from Japan...
Old Crone sand 8 of her sisters still stand.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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No probs Gypsy, I'm just glad that you enjoyed it and power to you for taking a stand. :) Jaq xx
Comment from Patricia1
This was a fantastic piece. I loved the poem which flowed so easily with a powerful message. The illustration & video were great to show the urgency and importance in doing something to help this earth from further devastation. The video gave me chills & almost reduced me to tears. So incredibly sad what's not only happening to our earth but to the people who've spent their lives trying to perserve it. Great job!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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This was a fantastic piece. I loved the poem which flowed so easily with a powerful message. The illustration & video were great to show the urgency and importance in doing something to help this earth from further devastation. The video gave me chills & almost reduced me to tears. So incredibly sad what's not only happening to our earth but to the people who've spent their lives trying to perserve it. Great job!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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Patricia1, your review and fantastic rating means a lot, many thanks. :) Jaq xx
Comment from Rondeno
Excellent! This should be Greenpeace's anthem. I think you've got an "it's" where you should have an "its", but apart from that, I can't fault it.
(Are you sure you CAN stand up tall?)
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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Excellent! This should be Greenpeace's anthem. I think you've got an "it's" where you should have an "its", but apart from that, I can't fault it.
(Are you sure you CAN stand up tall?)
Comment Written 14-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much, that means a lot from you Meehol. :) Jaq xx
(I'll check that spag out, thanks)
Comment from beccabootie123
picture works well with the sentiment of the piece. well written formatted for easy reading the message was quite strong and understood. I thought that about the tsunami on that island where the pediphiles all lived. now I think GOD is incharge and not sure he would do that to us. you know exact some sort of payback. good piece well written
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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picture works well with the sentiment of the piece. well written formatted for easy reading the message was quite strong and understood. I thought that about the tsunami on that island where the pediphiles all lived. now I think GOD is incharge and not sure he would do that to us. you know exact some sort of payback. good piece well written
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2013
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Thank you very much for your review becca :) Jaq xx
