Comment from sgalletti

Excellent

Hi Jaq Cee. Good habun and entry in this contest. I especially appreciate the concrete imagery in the prose describing your teenage son's antics and the terse fragments that give us a glimpse into a brief experience in time with adolescence. Your well haiku is a good compliment to the prose. Best of luck in the contest, Sue

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2013

Hi Sue thanks for your very kind words. I'm not sure it's my forte but I enjoyed the challenge. :) Jaq x

Comment from doris1022

Excellent

wack him on the butt with a broom. That should get his attention. lol keep him active...hope he makes it through with no harm. good haibun nice flow.

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2013

LOL Doris1022 nowadays you just can't do that. :) Thanks for your kind words :) Jaq x

Comment from Joannforsberg

Excellent

I am so glad to be way pass children in teenage years. With grandchildren it shall be easy, for they shall see me as old, and I can express what I think. Well, well written poem. Enjoyed. Blessings, Jo

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2013

Teenage years are a time where all parties suffer. :) Still we survive. Thanks for your lovely words Jo. Good luck :) Jaq x

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Nicely done, Jaq Cee. It is a moment unfolding.
Your prose is terse. Imagistic haibun usually include
more sensory details, but I won't quibble.
Best of luck at the polls.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2013

Thanks Lee, I was trying this out for a first time. It's definitely a challenge. :) Jaq x

reply by humpwhistle on 07-Jan-2013

Jaq, you did very well. This is an elusive form, and I'm not sure anyone on this site has a handle on it. Last I checked, you were tied for first place! L

Comment from Silverlock

Good

Hi Jaq, this is a great first attempt at a haibun. Your prose piece, despite being mainly dialogue, portrayed teenage angst very well!
Haibun have three parts to them, the title, the prose and the haiku and (I believe) the same word should not really be present in all three. That's what I've been told anyway, but I've been wrong before! LOL
Entertaining piece, nonetheless - certainly brought back some memories!

Regards, Barb

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2013

Thanks so much for your kind words and review. It is a learning curve indeed :) Jaq x

Comment from mauial

Good

Your prose is great and tells a story about those terrible teen years. Your haiku falls short in that there is no kigo reference. Storms can happen in any season.

 Comment Written 07-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2013

Thanks for your informative review, always nice to hear your comments. :) Jaq x

Comment from Realist101

Exceptional

Hi JaqCee. I really like this one too. SO many good entries, and this one in particular has that 'double' meaning so important, as I understand a haibun to have. And this haiku is outstanding! Very good and thank you very much for joining my contest JC! Susan

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2013

Thanks for sponsoring it and I had fun trying out a new style. Thanks for your lovely review. Jaq xx

reply by Realist101 on 06-Jan-2013

You're most welcome JC! :)) A gorgeous entry...I hope you'll do more of these. Suse

Comment from Rondeno

Excellent

Hi, Jacqueline!

Surely this isn't your debut haibun? It's so very accomplished! Teenage behaviour, so acutely observed here, makes me laugh. They insist on their individuality, but trot out all the hackneyed sayings!

Michael xxx

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2013

Thanks so much Michael it is my first. :) May well be my last too...LOL. :) Jacqueline x

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Excellent

Hello my friend this is well written this how teenagers do act they forget we were young once ,also that one day they will look back and realize they are growing into there parents well done good luck regards Jill

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2013

Thank you so very much Jill. Much appreciated as always. :) Jaq x

Comment from ruzu27

Excellent

Teenage Years, an interesting topic many of us familiar with. When I now see my son with his teenage daughters - well, if he complains I just smile - now it is his turn...

Your Haibun was written exactly according to the requirements - except two little things:
- The title (which is part of the Haibun) is missing
- Last line in Haiku is repetition (title)

In my opinion you did very well (also nicely presented, although I know, for Haibun and Haiku no pics are needed, but personally I think it is nicer :))

Thanks very much for sharing.

Ruth

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2013

Thank you so much Ruth for your very nice and helpful review. :) Jaq x