Texas Moon
33 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Susan,
This is an excellent story about a one-night stand in a town that is turning to dust. I caught the "one Star Hote," sort of low class, and found nothing to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Susan,
This is an excellent story about a one-night stand in a town that is turning to dust. I caught the "one Star Hote," sort of low class, and found nothing to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi Dave! You did! I'm so glad. lol! I think you're the first to mention it. :) Thank you...I'm so happy you enjoyed this! :) Susan
Comment from jjstar
I was transported to what I've always believed a small town in rural Texas looks like. The dust, neon signs, the Greyhound Bus passing through. The description were second to none, and the ending, truly was like a movie scene. No words needed to be spoken. They both knew what the deal was. Excellent writing!
His mama just plain, flat out shriveled up after they put him in the ground,===that would be me if one of my kids died! Rubber room at the funny farm!
Everyone talked about how he'd smiled up at the driver, unaware, and hadn't make so much as a squeak as his broom flung up and out of his hands. ===great detail!
The faces of Avery faded to a pasty gray, and the only place to find salvation was inside the four greasy walls of the Texas Moon. ===beautiful!
Down the dusty street that led to the decrepit hotel. I stopped beneath the dim neon sign. ==so classic...
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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I was transported to what I've always believed a small town in rural Texas looks like. The dust, neon signs, the Greyhound Bus passing through. The description were second to none, and the ending, truly was like a movie scene. No words needed to be spoken. They both knew what the deal was. Excellent writing!
His mama just plain, flat out shriveled up after they put him in the ground,===that would be me if one of my kids died! Rubber room at the funny farm!
Everyone talked about how he'd smiled up at the driver, unaware, and hadn't make so much as a squeak as his broom flung up and out of his hands. ===great detail!
The faces of Avery faded to a pasty gray, and the only place to find salvation was inside the four greasy walls of the Texas Moon. ===beautiful!
Down the dusty street that led to the decrepit hotel. I stopped beneath the dim neon sign. ==so classic...
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi JJ! I'm so grateful you liked this, and 'got it'. :) That is truly what makes this fun...and so worthwhile. Hugs and appreciation...I mean that. Susan
Comment from judiverse
This is wonderfully atmospheric. The information about Billy Sutton's death draws the reader into the story, and Avery with its Texas Moon and the "One Star Hotel." Everything seems to have gone to seed and people have lost hope. Rachel has lost hope too, but the arrival of the stranger passing through entices her. He is attractive to her, and she daringly goes to his room. The love-making erases the feeling of loneliness, and then the stranger is gone. A lovely story, although I don't see that she's accomplished much, as he's gone, and memories don't count for that much. A lovely story, though. judiverse
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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This is wonderfully atmospheric. The information about Billy Sutton's death draws the reader into the story, and Avery with its Texas Moon and the "One Star Hotel." Everything seems to have gone to seed and people have lost hope. Rachel has lost hope too, but the arrival of the stranger passing through entices her. He is attractive to her, and she daringly goes to his room. The love-making erases the feeling of loneliness, and then the stranger is gone. A lovely story, although I don't see that she's accomplished much, as he's gone, and memories don't count for that much. A lovely story, though. judiverse
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi Judi! Well, to me, romance can be love that can't blossom. I don't know how to explain it, but just looking at the moon and remembering someone you love is romantic to me?? I don't know. To each his own? Lol! Thank you very much for enjoying and this great review too. I'm loving that you got the 'one star hotel'! Good job! xoxo. Susan
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You're so welcome, Susan. Your storytelling is beautiful. Just giving my opinion. Guess I'm not a romantic. judiverse
Comment from suneagle
Hi Susan. I reckon you're stretching it a bit calling this "Romance". It meanders a bit like Billy did. It's more like dust and lust under the moon. But one could argue about the definition of romance for months, I guess.
and hadn't [made] so much as a squeak as his broom flung up and out of his hands.
(Perhaps you were trying to simulate vernacular by using "make" but it just seemed odd to me.)
Where the laughter was veiled with cautionary pretense -- where we could smile and fool
(Be frugal with single dashes. Overuse is a sign of lazy writing. The general usage, other than for note-taking, is in pairs for parenthetical effect.)
I remembered the days of my life as a child there, living and playing on the landings and stairs while [Mama] entertained her men.
Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi Susan. I reckon you're stretching it a bit calling this "Romance". It meanders a bit like Billy did. It's more like dust and lust under the moon. But one could argue about the definition of romance for months, I guess.
and hadn't [made] so much as a squeak as his broom flung up and out of his hands.
(Perhaps you were trying to simulate vernacular by using "make" but it just seemed odd to me.)
Where the laughter was veiled with cautionary pretense -- where we could smile and fool
(Be frugal with single dashes. Overuse is a sign of lazy writing. The general usage, other than for note-taking, is in pairs for parenthetical effect.)
I remembered the days of my life as a child there, living and playing on the landings and stairs while [Mama] entertained her men.
Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi Les, no, 'make' was a typo...i was too tired to be working. I fixed it! Thank you! And I redid the sentences with the dashes too. I always thought they were for a blunt ?? thought. Or like a fast break. I don't know. Sure don't mean to be lazy. I worked hard on this, or tried to. :) I have never done romance in any shape or form, and to me the gal loving the stranger is romantic. Maybe that's just me. lol! Thank you very much for the tips and reading too. Oh, I'll cap mama too! Thanks again Les! It's always good to hear from you. I'll work toward earning a six from you. S.
Comment from Patti R.
Whoo! This is the kind of story that leaves me heaving a big sigh over the last words!
Excellent story telling, perfectly clean writing, not a flaw. I enjoy your writing very much. You are able to tell a lot in a minimalistic style, and again, you inspire me to simply put pen to paper and let it come.
Patti R.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Whoo! This is the kind of story that leaves me heaving a big sigh over the last words!
Excellent story telling, perfectly clean writing, not a flaw. I enjoy your writing very much. You are able to tell a lot in a minimalistic style, and again, you inspire me to simply put pen to paper and let it come.
Patti R.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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hi Patti! lol! You make me feel like a real writer...and that's a hard thing to do for sure. I'm just thrilled you liked this, because I did work hard to get it right. At least I hope it is. Some say it wanders. I guess I don't know. Thank you so much for this generous review and more, for the enthusiastic thoughts! Wow!! Luv, Susan
Comment from Curly Girly
This was a piece of good descriptive writing. You have fitted in many events into a small section. I did not see the link between Billy's death and the rest of it. I might be missing something. The story culminates in a night of passionate sex with a stranger - who might not be a stranger - but who is not seen again.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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This was a piece of good descriptive writing. You have fitted in many events into a small section. I did not see the link between Billy's death and the rest of it. I might be missing something. The story culminates in a night of passionate sex with a stranger - who might not be a stranger - but who is not seen again.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi there! Thank you very much for this note CG! I always appreciate your kind thoughts and time for me. hug, Susan
Comment from gazzagodbod
ooo i say hot steamy shower hands in all sorts of places steamed me old glasses up sigh thanks my friend for the fun xxxgaryxxx
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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ooo i say hot steamy shower hands in all sorts of places steamed me old glasses up sigh thanks my friend for the fun xxxgaryxxx
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi G! Hugs for an enthusiastic and fun note. I'm always glad to see you here. xoxo. Susan
Comment from Sasha
Bravo! I give you a virtual 6 for this one since I cannot give you a real one. Ah, the beauty of a one night stand. Many refuse to believe there is anything but unadulterated lust in one but I know it is possible to love someone you only once shared you strongest desires with. You are a genius when it comes to short stories. You grab the reader immediately and hold them prisoner to the very end.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Bravo! I give you a virtual 6 for this one since I cannot give you a real one. Ah, the beauty of a one night stand. Many refuse to believe there is anything but unadulterated lust in one but I know it is possible to love someone you only once shared you strongest desires with. You are a genius when it comes to short stories. You grab the reader immediately and hold them prisoner to the very end.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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hi Sasha! Hugs you! Thanks so much. I wouldn't say genius, but I do enjoy writing the short shorts. What an encouraging review...I really appreciate the smile you gave me this morning! HUG! Susan
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Your words give off an atmosphere, Susan, in this story
about the death of a young boy and how it affected
other people in his home town.
Beautifully written - but then you never disappoint.
good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Your words give off an atmosphere, Susan, in this story
about the death of a young boy and how it affected
other people in his home town.
Beautifully written - but then you never disappoint.
good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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HI Margaret! Thank you so much! I'm always so glad when you like these. Thank you again, and I send much love and best wishes! Susan
Comment from BethShelby
Nice moody story, Susan. I love the way you've given this such atmospheric tones. The whole story is built around the death of a young boy and how it as affected the little town. Just for one night two lonely people find each other and things change at least for that one night.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Nice moody story, Susan. I love the way you've given this such atmospheric tones. The whole story is built around the death of a young boy and how it as affected the little town. Just for one night two lonely people find each other and things change at least for that one night.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi Beth! Thank you again...your kind words mean a lot to me, and to know you enjoyed this is wonderful!! Go soak in the beautiful leaves for me? I wish I were there. xoxo. Susan