Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 63 "part two, Chapter 19"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
72 total reviews
Comment from The Stranger
just came back in time, Ive been hit low by Parkinsons for the past few days so I am reallly pleased not to have missed your excellent saga
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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just came back in time, Ive been hit low by Parkinsons for the past few days so I am reallly pleased not to have missed your excellent saga
Comment Written 24-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. You are in my prayers.
Comment from jclark
Yikes! Poor Anna. May we assume the bastard is dead? I became angry just reading the list of injuries she had endured. Very creative chapter and so true to life, unfortunately.
Judy
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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Yikes! Poor Anna. May we assume the bastard is dead? I became angry just reading the list of injuries she had endured. Very creative chapter and so true to life, unfortunately.
Judy
Comment Written 24-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from fictionwriter
Seems like you've rushed through this. I'd rather see what is happening rather than being told. I want to see the door splinter as the men burst into the room, watch them check the room, and see them being concerned about the victim. It seems too far out for the reader to get close to the characters. If the one is concerned about Anna, let the reader see it in his body language and give us some insight into his frustration. I've seen guys punch their legs, stomp of growl at those around them to vent frustration.
Three of the SWAT team members busted( I think burst would sound better here) through the front door and
After they secured the apartment, the leader felt for Anna's pulse. (this is telling, show it.)
Once the area was deemed safe, the EMR team entered. Anna was given emergency treatment, placed on a gurney, and rolled to the waiting ambulance. (once again, telling. I'd rather see all this play out)
A tall(,) slender doctor walked through the swinging doors
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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Seems like you've rushed through this. I'd rather see what is happening rather than being told. I want to see the door splinter as the men burst into the room, watch them check the room, and see them being concerned about the victim. It seems too far out for the reader to get close to the characters. If the one is concerned about Anna, let the reader see it in his body language and give us some insight into his frustration. I've seen guys punch their legs, stomp of growl at those around them to vent frustration.
Three of the SWAT team members busted( I think burst would sound better here) through the front door and
After they secured the apartment, the leader felt for Anna's pulse. (this is telling, show it.)
Once the area was deemed safe, the EMR team entered. Anna was given emergency treatment, placed on a gurney, and rolled to the waiting ambulance. (once again, telling. I'd rather see all this play out)
A tall(,) slender doctor walked through the swinging doors
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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I am sorry for the tardiness for my reply, but I wanted time to research some of your suggestions. As for the busted and burst, according to my definition burst means breaking because if inner pressure and busted means external pressure. The door was broken from the outside. I made some adjust to checking Anna's pulse. Getting Anna on the gurney is minor to the plot, so I choose to leave it as is. I checked my Grammar Desk Reference book, I stole if from my college son, and a comma is not needed after tall. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
No oops to be found. Good job, and you're keeping the drama going. I am starting to wonder if there will be any romance in this story. That part is very tame.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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No oops to be found. Good job, and you're keeping the drama going. I am starting to wonder if there will be any romance in this story. That part is very tame.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from abbasjoy
Like Troy and the others,I am on the edge of my seat waiting for news of Anna, and hoping she will recover. Although this may be a fictional story, sadly it is so true to life, and it shows quite clearly how abuse has such tentacles that are far reaching and able to destroy so many lives.
I like the short sentences which are rather terse and add to the tenseness of the situation
Great writing. I look forward to more.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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Like Troy and the others,I am on the edge of my seat waiting for news of Anna, and hoping she will recover. Although this may be a fictional story, sadly it is so true to life, and it shows quite clearly how abuse has such tentacles that are far reaching and able to destroy so many lives.
I like the short sentences which are rather terse and add to the tenseness of the situation
Great writing. I look forward to more.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Well deserved.
Comment from robina1978
I did not expect this to go this bad. But that Bobby is dead makes society a safer place. But just now Anna's situation is pretty critical.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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I did not expect this to go this bad. But that Bobby is dead makes society a safer place. But just now Anna's situation is pretty critical.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
Well... This is so realistic and dramatic, that it's very hard not to feel the sadness in this tragedy end. After all this crazy life shared by Bobby and Anna, there is a deep and strong message, to many couples involved in the same situation of domestic violence.
I'll be waiting for second part.
GREAT JOB Barbara!!
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2012
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Well... This is so realistic and dramatic, that it's very hard not to feel the sadness in this tragedy end. After all this crazy life shared by Bobby and Anna, there is a deep and strong message, to many couples involved in the same situation of domestic violence.
I'll be waiting for second part.
GREAT JOB Barbara!!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Excellent post, Barbara. Fast paced, with a strong sense of urgency - you brought it out well in your writing. Glad that Anna is finally (I hope!) out of mortal danger. Very realistic hospital scenario - well done. Enjoyed the read very much.
Av
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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Excellent post, Barbara. Fast paced, with a strong sense of urgency - you brought it out well in your writing. Glad that Anna is finally (I hope!) out of mortal danger. Very realistic hospital scenario - well done. Enjoyed the read very much.
Av
Comment Written 23-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from TammyGail
Wow.. What a chapter barbara
it was so very detailed and vivid
heartfelt and emotional, and so very compelling
your closing was one that leaves me wanting more
hoping she's ok, thanks for sharing another great chapter
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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Wow.. What a chapter barbara
it was so very detailed and vivid
heartfelt and emotional, and so very compelling
your closing was one that leaves me wanting more
hoping she's ok, thanks for sharing another great chapter
Comment Written 23-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from amada
This is a very tight and awesome chapter. It had me at the end of my chair; I hope Anne makes it without any troubles. Troy will be waiting for her. Great chapter.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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This is a very tight and awesome chapter. It had me at the end of my chair; I hope Anne makes it without any troubles. Troy will be waiting for her. Great chapter.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.