Jasmine
a contest entry17 total reviews
Comment from highlander104
This is a really neat Valentine's day story. Your descriptions are so vivid that, even though I've never been to California, I could picture the Amazon gazelle. (lol) In fact I could picture the whole pool scene.
Good luck in the contest.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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This is a really neat Valentine's day story. Your descriptions are so vivid that, even though I've never been to California, I could picture the Amazon gazelle. (lol) In fact I could picture the whole pool scene.
Good luck in the contest.
Jean K.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Thanks for an excellent review. You are more than kind.
Comment from stephenie khan
I really very much enjoyed your story...it is very nice...only thing my daughter's name is Yasmin...which is Jasmin in arabic...there is a story...Hundred Years of Solitude....where there is this woman who dresses like a monk...who smells of jasmin...and men fall in love with her and cannot have her...so they throw themselves of cliffs...that is why I named my daughter Yasmin Alia..Alia means perfect...but I really loved your story...tongue in cheek...and felt for poor Sandy...and the unlikely story...of Jasmine and him...getting together at the end..Hope you enjoy your evening...steffy
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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I really very much enjoyed your story...it is very nice...only thing my daughter's name is Yasmin...which is Jasmin in arabic...there is a story...Hundred Years of Solitude....where there is this woman who dresses like a monk...who smells of jasmin...and men fall in love with her and cannot have her...so they throw themselves of cliffs...that is why I named my daughter Yasmin Alia..Alia means perfect...but I really loved your story...tongue in cheek...and felt for poor Sandy...and the unlikely story...of Jasmine and him...getting together at the end..Hope you enjoy your evening...steffy
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Thanks for an extraordinary review. I am quite grateful. I am glad the story meant so much to you.
Comment from MAMONIA
This is a great story. I loved it all,
but especially that line...the tent in
your trunks. I couldn't stop laughing.
This kept my attention all the way through
and I loved the interaction with the dialogue.
It was both funny and sad. Thinking of your
dead wife and then trying to get on with your
life.
I am sure that a lot of people can relate to
the message in here.
Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
It's a great entry. Marie
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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This is a great story. I loved it all,
but especially that line...the tent in
your trunks. I couldn't stop laughing.
This kept my attention all the way through
and I loved the interaction with the dialogue.
It was both funny and sad. Thinking of your
dead wife and then trying to get on with your
life.
I am sure that a lot of people can relate to
the message in here.
Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
It's a great entry. Marie
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thanks for a great review. I am quite honored.
Comment from samandlancelot
Alvin,
This was definitely outside the box for Valentine's Day stories. Creative approach. I liked the turnaround with Jasmine - how you showed a better side of her with her son & desires for the future. There is a reason she has the kind of life she has, but there is a possibility that could change.
in the Speedo lounging with his feet in (the) pool
Then how (do) you explain that tent in your trunks?"
How did you know her name was Jasmine, Carol?" (Carole)
Carol (Carole) and all her West Coast lingo
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Alvin,
This was definitely outside the box for Valentine's Day stories. Creative approach. I liked the turnaround with Jasmine - how you showed a better side of her with her son & desires for the future. There is a reason she has the kind of life she has, but there is a possibility that could change.
in the Speedo lounging with his feet in (the) pool
Then how (do) you explain that tent in your trunks?"
How did you know her name was Jasmine, Carol?" (Carole)
Carol (Carole) and all her West Coast lingo
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thanks for those editing comments. I'll get right on them. Thanks also for an excellent review.
Comment from honeytree
The art work is great and what a place to be on a holiday.
One can meet others who they may like and some they don't.
Meeting people on holiday can be very interesting and what
a place to meet someone we could like very much.
Sometimes meeting someone may not be the right person.
Perhaps one can have lots of fun anyway.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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The art work is great and what a place to be on a holiday.
One can meet others who they may like and some they don't.
Meeting people on holiday can be very interesting and what
a place to meet someone we could like very much.
Sometimes meeting someone may not be the right person.
Perhaps one can have lots of fun anyway.
Honey tree
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thanks for an exceptional review. This is unlike my usual writing and I am glad you liked it. Is there anything of yours you would like me to review?
Comment from Joan E.
I guess Carole was right after all about distracting him! I enjoyed your cast of characters, particularly Carole, as the "Amazon" "linebacker" doing the California "industry" scene! Quite a fresh response to the Valentine's story prompt! Best wishes in the voting booth- Joan
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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I guess Carole was right after all about distracting him! I enjoyed your cast of characters, particularly Carole, as the "Amazon" "linebacker" doing the California "industry" scene! Quite a fresh response to the Valentine's story prompt! Best wishes in the voting booth- Joan
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thanks for a great review.
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For clarification, Jasmine was the "Amazon"--she's six feet tall. What in the story makes one think Carole is the "Amazon"? They are both big women.
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Ooops, I was probably overly tired when I read your work. I remembered Carole weighing over 300 pounds and must have connected her incorrectly with the label! Regardless, it's still an intriguing story. -Joan
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Thanks. I have clarified some points, so I am quite grateful for your review. It made me make the story better.
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Many thanks for the gracious feedback. We are fortunate to have the many FanStorian eyes to help us improve our work! Happy day after V-Day- Joan
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Al,
I found a typo and did a cut and paste but somehow I lost it. Your said "I though" instead of "I thought" hope you can find it. This is an excellent story for the valentine story contest. You have written it with your usual flair and I enjoyed reading every word. The conversation seems so real and I felt like a fly on the wall as I read your words. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Hi Al,
I found a typo and did a cut and paste but somehow I lost it. Your said "I though" instead of "I thought" hope you can find it. This is an excellent story for the valentine story contest. You have written it with your usual flair and I enjoyed reading every word. The conversation seems so real and I felt like a fly on the wall as I read your words. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2012
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Thanks, Chey. I often do that. I'll find it. What of yours would you like me to review?
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I write a poem a day if I can but you can review the one that pays you some money! I think it may be "Golden Shears" Hope you are well...chey
