Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "Chapter 15; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
58 total reviews
Comment from Janine Ellis-Fynn
I enjoyed reading your chapter. Your characters are well developed and believable and your descriptions are vivid. Good dialogue too, well done!
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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I enjoyed reading your chapter. Your characters are well developed and believable and your descriptions are vivid. Good dialogue too, well done!
Comment Written 01-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Gideon Roth
Hello, Barbara. I enjoyed reading this submission for Tantalizing Eyes. It is well written. I especially enjoyed the natural flow of the dialogue in this chapter. It truly sounded like I was listening in on a private conversation. I not only enjoyed it from an entertaining perspective but from a learning one as well. I hope to write this good of dialogue myself. You should do well with this one...Gideon
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Hello, Barbara. I enjoyed reading this submission for Tantalizing Eyes. It is well written. I especially enjoyed the natural flow of the dialogue in this chapter. It truly sounded like I was listening in on a private conversation. I not only enjoyed it from an entertaining perspective but from a learning one as well. I hope to write this good of dialogue myself. You should do well with this one...Gideon
Comment Written 01-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from essence56
I love this story and just can't wait for more and soon the ending. I just had a feeling that something was going to happen. It was going so good and I believed that finally Steven and Lyla were going to get together. Wow, excellent .
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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I love this story and just can't wait for more and soon the ending. I just had a feeling that something was going to happen. It was going so good and I believed that finally Steven and Lyla were going to get together. Wow, excellent .
Comment Written 01-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate the six stars. Thank you, again.
Comment from Arkine
Yeah, I don't think Carlos would be too concerned about his men raping her either. I imagine if he did get ahold of her, that she'd mysteriously disappear after the wedding anyway. Great chapter!
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Yeah, I don't think Carlos would be too concerned about his men raping her either. I imagine if he did get ahold of her, that she'd mysteriously disappear after the wedding anyway. Great chapter!
Comment Written 01-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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I think you may be right about Carlos making sure Leya disappears. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from zoocq
Very gripping from first sentence to last...you do a fantastic job of keeping everything moving along and all the characters in place. Great story!
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Very gripping from first sentence to last...you do a fantastic job of keeping everything moving along and all the characters in place. Great story!
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RebelRose
I thought things were going too good and I never thought that the cartel had giving up on Leya. Now, things could get really interesting. I hope they get to her before Carlos does.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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I thought things were going too good and I never thought that the cartel had giving up on Leya. Now, things could get really interesting. I hope they get to her before Carlos does.
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I hope you like what's coming up next.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Looks like this will be the cartel's last gasp, and you've finally nailed Peggy. Wonder what will happen to Leya.
I enjoyed this read and have one suggestion:
"I wonder if I complained about how uncomfortable that chair is, if they'd do something about it." This sentence is a bit difficult to follow. I'd write something like, "I wonder. If I complained about how uncomfortable that chair is, would they do something about it?"
Dave
reply by the author on 31-May-2010
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Barbara,
Looks like this will be the cartel's last gasp, and you've finally nailed Peggy. Wonder what will happen to Leya.
I enjoyed this read and have one suggestion:
"I wonder if I complained about how uncomfortable that chair is, if they'd do something about it." This sentence is a bit difficult to follow. I'd write something like, "I wonder. If I complained about how uncomfortable that chair is, would they do something about it?"
Dave
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 31-May-2010
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I will recheck that sentence. I have played it many times. Some sentences are just like that. Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from rivki1111
Hello, good story, and your use of dialogue engages the reader. It is also realistic and shows the narrative effectively, rather than just telling it through prose alone.
I didn't see any errors, and would recommend your writing to other readers for review, cheers, rebekah
reply by the author on 31-May-2010
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Hello, good story, and your use of dialogue engages the reader. It is also realistic and shows the narrative effectively, rather than just telling it through prose alone.
I didn't see any errors, and would recommend your writing to other readers for review, cheers, rebekah
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 31-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RenieReader
Hey, Barbara, this is a great chapter with just the right touch of drama and questions to help wind up your novel.
brackets [ ] = insert
parentheses ( ) = delete or notes
Suggestion:
He stood, stretched, and checked Leya[,] making certain she was asleep.
(Do you want to say something about whether they could see the license plates here?)
The tapes from outside the hospital showed the men loading Leya into an early 1990's white Ford Explorer. Steven made some phone calls and ordered Task Force helicopters to search for the Explorer.
Kudos,
Renie
reply by the author on 31-May-2010
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Hey, Barbara, this is a great chapter with just the right touch of drama and questions to help wind up your novel.
brackets [ ] = insert
parentheses ( ) = delete or notes
Suggestion:
He stood, stretched, and checked Leya[,] making certain she was asleep.
(Do you want to say something about whether they could see the license plates here?)
The tapes from outside the hospital showed the men loading Leya into an early 1990's white Ford Explorer. Steven made some phone calls and ordered Task Force helicopters to search for the Explorer.
Kudos,
Renie
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 31-May-2010
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Thank you for your review. I will consider the license plate thing, but I doubt it will make much difference. There's only 14 pages left and they find the truck in the next post.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
So now we have Carlos re-entering the fray. THis is starting to get messy, but building nicely to an explosive climax methinks.
Patrick
reply by the author on 31-May-2010
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Hi Barbara,
So now we have Carlos re-entering the fray. THis is starting to get messy, but building nicely to an explosive climax methinks.
Patrick
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 31-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support. I appreciate both.