Legacy of Loss
A daughter's lament29 total reviews
Comment from Poetic Friend
Jimi, I read both of your recent postings, and they're both well-deserving of six stars. I could only award you one 6-stars, so I chose this one.
This poem moved me to tears and maintained my interest through out the read. I am sorry was to hear about your unfortunate experience. Hopefully writing this poem was therapeutic for you, my friend.
Godd luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Jimi, I read both of your recent postings, and they're both well-deserving of six stars. I could only award you one 6-stars, so I chose this one.
This poem moved me to tears and maintained my interest through out the read. I am sorry was to hear about your unfortunate experience. Hopefully writing this poem was therapeutic for you, my friend.
Godd luck in the contest.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Poetic Friend, once again I am speechless. I can never thank you enough. jimi
Comment from rmdelta
jimi,
what a well written poem, my friend. Excellent descriptives throughout allow powerful imagery. Great contest entry and it should cause problems for the other entrants. Good luck
Reggie
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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jimi,
what a well written poem, my friend. Excellent descriptives throughout allow powerful imagery. Great contest entry and it should cause problems for the other entrants. Good luck
Reggie
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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reggie, thank you sir for stopping by to read and review my poem. It is good to hear from you, jimi
Comment from PUPA
jlsavell, your quatrain is so touching and most powerful. It relates the story of a little girl, now a mother, remembering the sad loss of her father, according to his own choice. I find these two lines very deep in meaning:
'Tears of love could not fall,
but tears of loss I gave'
Rhyme and flow are excellent, should be a winner in this contest.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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jlsavell, your quatrain is so touching and most powerful. It relates the story of a little girl, now a mother, remembering the sad loss of her father, according to his own choice. I find these two lines very deep in meaning:
'Tears of love could not fall,
but tears of loss I gave'
Rhyme and flow are excellent, should be a winner in this contest.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Pupa, once again thank you so very much for stopping by to read and review my poem..jlsavell
Comment from Belinda
This is a very sad story within a poem, jsavel. You waited and waited for him, and he finally came and become your burden. Still you cared for him until the end. How touching a daughter's love can be. You wrote it very touchingly.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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This is a very sad story within a poem, jsavel. You waited and waited for him, and he finally came and become your burden. Still you cared for him until the end. How touching a daughter's love can be. You wrote it very touchingly.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Belinda, thank you so very much for stopping by to read and review my poem. jlsavell
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, a wonderful picture and a sad entry into this contest. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, a wonderful picture and a sad entry into this contest. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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sweetwoodjax, thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my poem. You are appreciated very much..jlsavell
Comment from Amfunny
Wow. This is an extremely powerful and sad poem. I truly enjoyed reading and reviewing it. What a sad story it tells. Well done.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Wow. This is an extremely powerful and sad poem. I truly enjoyed reading and reviewing it. What a sad story it tells. Well done.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Amfunny, thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your time very much..jlsavell
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Missed you at the fundraiser for Lyla. :(
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I am sorry I missed it. I am going to the one next month..are you going to be there??/
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No, one was enough.,
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yes it is tragic. There are many more that have since passed and a before Layla too. I am getting ready to train for a marathon in February, for Nicole Lee who passed last December. There are so very many..
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sorry last September..
Comment from Shirley B
This is a very sad poem, but I hope it helped you cleanse your heart. The rhyme and rhythm were great. The imagery was perfect. I could see a lost little girl that had been deeply hurt over and over in her life. Even through all that she took her father in and he left her again. Beautiful poem, Shirley
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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This is a very sad poem, but I hope it helped you cleanse your heart. The rhyme and rhythm were great. The imagery was perfect. I could see a lost little girl that had been deeply hurt over and over in her life. Even through all that she took her father in and he left her again. Beautiful poem, Shirley
Comment Written 29-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Shirley B, thank you for stopping by to read and review my poem. Your comments are appreciated very much..again thank you jlsavell
Comment from fictionwriter
That is such a sad story in this poem. I'm glad my dad was there for me. It would be hard to know that he just walked away. Great job.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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That is such a sad story in this poem. I'm glad my dad was there for me. It would be hard to know that he just walked away. Great job.
Comment Written 29-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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fictionwriter, thank you for stopping by and for your loyal support of my work..Your dad must have been a wonderful person.. again thank you..jlsavell
Comment from ulster3
Hello jlsavell.
My heart goes out to the daughter in this fine poem. There is too much sadness in our world. Yet, we do not walk alone. By reading your profile I see that you are a 'good' person. This should be a strong contender in the contest.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Hello jlsavell.
My heart goes out to the daughter in this fine poem. There is too much sadness in our world. Yet, we do not walk alone. By reading your profile I see that you are a 'good' person. This should be a strong contender in the contest.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 29-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Rebecca, thank you so very much once again for reading and reviewing my work..you are appreciated so very much..jlsavell
Comment from mountainwriter49
This is a most poignant poem and one that
is, in a way, unsettling. I fear your poem
speaks to more people than we'd perhaps like
to admit. So sad, yet beautiful that you opened your
door.
The quatrains flowed well and the end rhymes,
both true and slant, were strong.
If I had one suggestion it would be to tighten up the
lines to work with a consistent meter. This would make
the poem read a little smoother.
Good luck with the contest.
ray
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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This is a most poignant poem and one that
is, in a way, unsettling. I fear your poem
speaks to more people than we'd perhaps like
to admit. So sad, yet beautiful that you opened your
door.
The quatrains flowed well and the end rhymes,
both true and slant, were strong.
If I had one suggestion it would be to tighten up the
lines to work with a consistent meter. This would make
the poem read a little smoother.
Good luck with the contest.
ray
Comment Written 29-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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ray, thank you for taking the time to read and review my poem. I am humbled. I will take your suggestions and look at the poem again. Meter often eludes me in my work, I am meter deaf..lol...and sometimes feel not much of a writer, just a wannabe..again thank you so very very much..jlsavell