Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Chapter 11; part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
65 total reviews
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
Good work on this chapter. Excellent atmosphere and great dialogue. You have plenty of conflict going on and it moves the story quite well.
From what I've learned about your characters they ring true and have depth.
Ted
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Hi Barbara :)
Good work on this chapter. Excellent atmosphere and great dialogue. You have plenty of conflict going on and it moves the story quite well.
From what I've learned about your characters they ring true and have depth.
Ted
Comment Written 06-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your review. Coming from you, I feel honored.
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Hi Barbara :)
You're very welcome.
Ted
Comment from lisaburge
First, you have a mastery of the English language that I don't see a lot of. Even though I don't read much romance lit., I enjoyed your writing. Second, your dialogue flows so well, and is so natural! A very fun read.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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First, you have a mastery of the English language that I don't see a lot of. Even though I don't read much romance lit., I enjoyed your writing. Second, your dialogue flows so well, and is so natural! A very fun read.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Anna Writes
I like this story. I have read pieces of it before and am looking forward to reading more. The characters are interesting and you want to find out what will happen to them.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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I like this story. I have read pieces of it before and am looking forward to reading more. The characters are interesting and you want to find out what will happen to them.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your review, but I do not understand if you like the story and look forward to reading more, why you gave me a four. Ususualy when someone gives a four they will explain how to make it better. I don't see that here.
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I must have hit the wrong star. I meant to give it a 5. Can I correct this? If so, how? Sorry.
Comment from Aletheia
Lots of emotion pouring out of this chapter. Very descriptive and good visuals of Steven and his angry exit from the room. I liked what I have read and it makes me want to read more. Excellent!
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Lots of emotion pouring out of this chapter. Very descriptive and good visuals of Steven and his angry exit from the room. I liked what I have read and it makes me want to read more. Excellent!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Mary Faucheux
I really need to go back and read the other chapters. What I read here I liked. Great dialogue and tension. Nice job.
Mary
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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I really need to go back and read the other chapters. What I read here I liked. Great dialogue and tension. Nice job.
Mary
Comment Written 06-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Belinda Amy Pantyboy
Having not read any of this book I suppose its a bit of a cheek for me to review it. Obviously I do not know what is going on, but do enjoy reading different styles of reading. I enjoyed what you have produced here and may you continue to do so.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Having not read any of this book I suppose its a bit of a cheek for me to review it. Obviously I do not know what is going on, but do enjoy reading different styles of reading. I enjoyed what you have produced here and may you continue to do so.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jeff3655
Overall writing is good. It just picks up in the middle of nowhere and drops me back off there. I can handle the beginning being like that, but there is really no closure at the end. Is there a sequel to this?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Overall writing is good. It just picks up in the middle of nowhere and drops me back off there. I can handle the beginning being like that, but there is really no closure at the end. Is there a sequel to this?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your review. I do want to point out that this post clearly states it if part of a book. It is a very small part. It is chapter 11 part three. The people who read me regularly have no problems with this chapter. From your review I see no suggestions on how to make it better in your eyes. So guess I get three stars, but there's no way to make it better in your eyes, how sad.
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IM SORRY IF I OFFENDED YOU. I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS A SHORT PART, MAYBE THATS WHY I WAS A LITTLE LOST, JUMPING IN THE MIDDLE SOMEWHERE. I DO LOOK FORWARD TO SEE MORE OF THE BOOK THOUGH. BUT OVERALL, I THINK I DID SAY I LIKED IT?
Comment from RaymondJohn
Steven finished his work at the Task Force building and attempted to contact the pilot to bring him back to the safe house--"Finished with his work at the Task Force bldg..." This is showing. The way you have it, it's telling.
When he had no luck, he called Matt, "Where's the helicopter?"--The phone rang several times. Then he hung up and called Matt. Ditto.
Interesting short write that advances the story well. I would keep the instances above in mind. The differences really are crucial to creating an effective narrative. Best of luck. I like your story. Ray.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Steven finished his work at the Task Force building and attempted to contact the pilot to bring him back to the safe house--"Finished with his work at the Task Force bldg..." This is showing. The way you have it, it's telling.
When he had no luck, he called Matt, "Where's the helicopter?"--The phone rang several times. Then he hung up and called Matt. Ditto.
Interesting short write that advances the story well. I would keep the instances above in mind. The differences really are crucial to creating an effective narrative. Best of luck. I like your story. Ray.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your suggestions. I have been gigged before for starting a sentence with a verb. So I am not sure what to do.
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There's nothing wrong with starting a sentence with a verb. It's a somewhat Latin construction, but perfectly acceptable. Cheers. Ray.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, dear - love never runs smooth...
a good chapter, Barbara
"Could you mail this documentation that I'm no longer a virgin to these addresses?"
Could you mail this documentation that confirms I'm no longer a virgin, to these addresses
Margaret
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Oh, dear - love never runs smooth...
a good chapter, Barbara
"Could you mail this documentation that I'm no longer a virgin to these addresses?"
Could you mail this documentation that confirms I'm no longer a virgin, to these addresses
Margaret
Comment Written 06-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your review and the suggestion. I have already made the change. I appreciate your support.
Comment from bookishfabler
My goodness, this was over before ity started, my friend. Now, I'm curious why she needs to tell her father and fiance about losing her virginity. May be I should have started the book from the very beginning.
great chapter, though short.
hugs
book
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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My goodness, this was over before ity started, my friend. Now, I'm curious why she needs to tell her father and fiance about losing her virginity. May be I should have started the book from the very beginning.
great chapter, though short.
hugs
book
Comment Written 06-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2010
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It was the end of a chapter, so I stopped there. The previous posts were to long to sneak any other pages in. Thank you for for your review.