Happy Birthday Bobby
A celebration with a difference32 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
Marijke
A very moving story...
I wonder how man times in life this really happens..where a dominating father smothers a child, making him or her what he sees. Never having a vision of your own would be suffocating. Well done!
Carol
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Marijke
A very moving story...
I wonder how man times in life this really happens..where a dominating father smothers a child, making him or her what he sees. Never having a vision of your own would be suffocating. Well done!
Carol
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Thank you Carol, yes, I think it happens more often than we think. Not always in such obvious ways, but in subtle ways as well.
Thanks for your review and rating Carol.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from patmedium
Marijke... WHAT a truly STRONG tale. Congrqatulations. Loads of atmosphere, plenty of emotion and the mental images all slotting into my mind's eye as crisp and fresh as if I was there, watching. Pat.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Marijke... WHAT a truly STRONG tale. Congrqatulations. Loads of atmosphere, plenty of emotion and the mental images all slotting into my mind's eye as crisp and fresh as if I was there, watching. Pat.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Thank you Pat, I appreciate the comment abou feeling you were there, watching. That makes me feel I succeeded in putting the emotions and actions in such a way as to draw the reader in.
Warmest regards and hugs
Marijke
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Excellent work, this one. Pat. xx
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Mari:)
What a powerful story of liberation. Domestic abuse is always hard to deal with, but you can escape if you have someone to show the way.
Bobby is almost a replica for two sisters I went to college with. I don't know their whole story, but I know the outcome.
The older girl, Kate (not her real name) and her sister were shunned by all the girls because they wore only men's work clothes and unsightly farm work shoes. They never dated, because they were never asked.
Kate made the Dean's Honor Roll every semester of college. When she graduated, she was accepted into medical school, and dressed appropriately for the first time. Things seemed to be looking up. Eight years later she completed her residency in psychiatry. On the very day she finished, she bought a gun and killed herself. I never found out what dark secret drove her, but I always thought she must have been a product of domestic violence.
In another time and place she could have been your Bobby.
I wish you luck in the "Building Strong Characters X" prompt contest. This story looks like a winner to me.
Roger
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Hi Mari:)
What a powerful story of liberation. Domestic abuse is always hard to deal with, but you can escape if you have someone to show the way.
Bobby is almost a replica for two sisters I went to college with. I don't know their whole story, but I know the outcome.
The older girl, Kate (not her real name) and her sister were shunned by all the girls because they wore only men's work clothes and unsightly farm work shoes. They never dated, because they were never asked.
Kate made the Dean's Honor Roll every semester of college. When she graduated, she was accepted into medical school, and dressed appropriately for the first time. Things seemed to be looking up. Eight years later she completed her residency in psychiatry. On the very day she finished, she bought a gun and killed herself. I never found out what dark secret drove her, but I always thought she must have been a product of domestic violence.
In another time and place she could have been your Bobby.
I wish you luck in the "Building Strong Characters X" prompt contest. This story looks like a winner to me.
Roger
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Thank you Roger, I appreciate you comments, and that you could actually relate it to someone you knew. These cases are sad. This was pure fiction on my part, but I am sure it occurs time and time again.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from words
Wow, that was quite a character arch in just a few paragraphs.
A thoroughly enjoyable read.
The dialogue and situations were realistic.
The characters well drawn.
You showed an interesting fact of life... our lives can change in an instant.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Wow, that was quite a character arch in just a few paragraphs.
A thoroughly enjoyable read.
The dialogue and situations were realistic.
The characters well drawn.
You showed an interesting fact of life... our lives can change in an instant.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Thank you words, I appreciate your review and kind comments. I enjoyed this challenge, to fit it into the word count, but not lose the impact.
Thanks again, and warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from RebelRose
A pretty interesting story. Describes the characters pretty well, especially Bobby, as the writing contest required. Good entry.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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A pretty interesting story. Describes the characters pretty well, especially Bobby, as the writing contest required. Good entry.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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Thank you RebelRose, I appreciate you taking the time to read and review, and your generous rating.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from Trybuck
It was good to see no one wound up dead on Bobby's birthday. Feelings got hurt but they can mend. Hopefully things will change for the better for Ma and Pa. Bobby's going to have some decisions to make.
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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It was good to see no one wound up dead on Bobby's birthday. Feelings got hurt but they can mend. Hopefully things will change for the better for Ma and Pa. Bobby's going to have some decisions to make.
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 07-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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Thank you Buck, yes, all is well that ends well, although a lot of things still need to be dealt with. I appreciate your comments and generous rating.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
A good story showing the emergence of a strong woman.
Standing up to someone who has bullied one all one's life is doubly difficult, I think, especially if it is a parent.
I also like the fact that she has no romantic notion that her future lies with Peter, and that they will live happily ever after scenario.
I just noticed one small sp. error.
'I freed myself [of] my shackles..'
Juliette
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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A good story showing the emergence of a strong woman.
Standing up to someone who has bullied one all one's life is doubly difficult, I think, especially if it is a parent.
I also like the fact that she has no romantic notion that her future lies with Peter, and that they will live happily ever after scenario.
I just noticed one small sp. error.
'I freed myself [of] my shackles..'
Juliette
Comment Written 07-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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Thank you Juliette, for your review and generous rating, and picking up on that nit (have fixed).
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from Joan E.
The title and the first sentence captured our attention and your "flash back" did the rest. (I think in the second line before the end, it should be "...I freed myself of my shackles....) I enjoyed your suspenseful and emotional "coming of age" story very. Best wishes in the contest with this very good entry for the theme of character development.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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The title and the first sentence captured our attention and your "flash back" did the rest. (I think in the second line before the end, it should be "...I freed myself of my shackles....) I enjoyed your suspenseful and emotional "coming of age" story very. Best wishes in the contest with this very good entry for the theme of character development.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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Thank you Joan, for your review and generous rating, and picking up on that nit (have fixed).
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from wierdgrace
You so did build a strong character, and your story kept me hooked from the started to end, well done, I loved the ending,
'I am free, I am strong, I am a real woman. yes you are, no errors I could find, but I was hook on the story, good luck,
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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You so did build a strong character, and your story kept me hooked from the started to end, well done, I loved the ending,
'I am free, I am strong, I am a real woman. yes you are, no errors I could find, but I was hook on the story, good luck,
Comment Written 07-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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Thank you, for your review and generous rating, and your good wishes.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from lola29
Your story is fantastic. You brought Bobby to life, and I actually garnered a sense of her pain and anguish. You write such passion giving your readers a seat on stage with he players. Bravo!
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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Your story is fantastic. You brought Bobby to life, and I actually garnered a sense of her pain and anguish. You write such passion giving your readers a seat on stage with he players. Bravo!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2010
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Thank you Lola, for your kind review and generous rating, I appreciate your comment about the passion coming through.
Warmest regards
Marijke
