The Marathon
Contest entry for 100 word dash.17 total reviews
Comment from Annmuma
The moral to this story certainly stands easy to see. So many times, we are just in short of the finish line when we give up. Great contest entry. Good luck. ann
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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The moral to this story certainly stands easy to see. So many times, we are just in short of the finish line when we give up. Great contest entry. Good luck. ann
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing and thank you for the many stars.
Comment from Diny
I think you could have left off the "I'm falling line." because the next two senteces explain it well. good luck- flash is hard to do- Write on-Di
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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I think you could have left off the "I'm falling line." because the next two senteces explain it well. good luck- flash is hard to do- Write on-Di
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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Thanksfor reading and review.
Comment from Katiesherrill
This was good. You told a story, with tension. We didn't know if she would finish the race. I like the ending. She pumped her fist. I can totally see that. good entry. good luck.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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This was good. You told a story, with tension. We didn't know if she would finish the race. I like the ending. She pumped her fist. I can totally see that. good entry. good luck.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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Thanks for reading and reviewing and the many stars.
Comment from Trybuck
Enjoyed reading the story and could almost feel the pain and the excitement of finishing.
You may want to change the apostrophes to quotation marks. You got the quotation marks right on the last sentence. Just a typo, no biggy.
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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Enjoyed reading the story and could almost feel the pain and the excitement of finishing.
You may want to change the apostrophes to quotation marks. You got the quotation marks right on the last sentence. Just a typo, no biggy.
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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The apstrophes are her thoughts. The last line she speaks out loud. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate the many stars.
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I apologize, didn't realize that was the way to do it, Buck
Comment from jmdg1954
As a marathoner-in-training I can appreciate your story to the fullest. In 100 words you were able to identify the intensity and desire it takes to complete a marathon!
Suggestion - With the finish line in sight, Kate muttered to herself, "Come on girl, kick it up!"
She had trained for months but was now moving in slow mation. With a cramped.....
Only a suggestion... very nicely done
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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As a marathoner-in-training I can appreciate your story to the fullest. In 100 words you were able to identify the intensity and desire it takes to complete a marathon!
Suggestion - With the finish line in sight, Kate muttered to herself, "Come on girl, kick it up!"
She had trained for months but was now moving in slow mation. With a cramped.....
Only a suggestion... very nicely done
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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Thanks for the feedback and the review. I appreciate the many stars.
Comment from Heidixoxo
Poet,
This is a nicely written poem and I really enjoyed reading this. This is a perfect entry for the upcoming contest in my personal opinion. Job well done and WAY TO GO KATE!! lol
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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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Poet,
This is a nicely written poem and I really enjoyed reading this. This is a perfect entry for the upcoming contest in my personal opinion. Job well done and WAY TO GO KATE!! lol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars.
Comment from nora arjuna
hi there, i checked the contest details and found out this is supposed to be flash fiction to the extreme.
you have some passive sentences in here which should be avoided in FF writing. eg, this para:
She was moving in slow motion, with a painful stitch in her side. Her right calf was cramped and she was running on her toes. The finish line was wavy as her vision blurred.
try something like this, more active:
She moved in slow motion, a painful stitch in her side. Her right calf cramped up and she continued on her toes. The finish line waved as her vision blurred.
best wishes. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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hi there, i checked the contest details and found out this is supposed to be flash fiction to the extreme.
you have some passive sentences in here which should be avoided in FF writing. eg, this para:
She was moving in slow motion, with a painful stitch in her side. Her right calf was cramped and she was running on her toes. The finish line was wavy as her vision blurred.
try something like this, more active:
She moved in slow motion, a painful stitch in her side. Her right calf cramped up and she continued on her toes. The finish line waved as her vision blurred.
best wishes. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2010
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Thank you for the feedback and review.
