Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Chapter 8; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
58 total reviews
Comment from Alison Williams
This is an excellent chapter, I have I think commented on one or two, but I need to go back and read the rest. It's well written, the dialogue flows very well and your characters are very developed. I like the sexual/romantic tension betweeen Steven and Laya. Poor man, it must have been hard for him to carry her naked back to the bed and it only makes it harder for him, as I can see, there there has to be some conflict of interest there. Despite his feelings he is meant to be protecting her and as you stated in your summary, he marries her to protect her from an arranged marriage.
Ecxellent chapter. I didn't spot any errors either. I shall have to read more of this.
Cheers, Alison
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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This is an excellent chapter, I have I think commented on one or two, but I need to go back and read the rest. It's well written, the dialogue flows very well and your characters are very developed. I like the sexual/romantic tension betweeen Steven and Laya. Poor man, it must have been hard for him to carry her naked back to the bed and it only makes it harder for him, as I can see, there there has to be some conflict of interest there. Despite his feelings he is meant to be protecting her and as you stated in your summary, he marries her to protect her from an arranged marriage.
Ecxellent chapter. I didn't spot any errors either. I shall have to read more of this.
Cheers, Alison
Comment Written 30-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from RebelRose
I hope Steven breaks soon and declares his love to her. Also, I hope her illness is cleared up so they can get on with their lives. I realize they will still have a fight on their hands. I love this whole story and this chapter is no exception.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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I hope Steven breaks soon and declares his love to her. Also, I hope her illness is cleared up so they can get on with their lives. I realize they will still have a fight on their hands. I love this whole story and this chapter is no exception.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review. Your patience with their romance will be rewarded.
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I am counting on that, ha ha.
Comment from Ann Smith
Your writing style allows the reader to read at a comfortable pace; and keep reading to find out what is going to happen next. There was a lot of suspense in the story, and yet, it has a very personal feel that everyone can identify with. I liked the surprises along the way. The details in the story were believeable and the scene with the underwear added humor. I noticed your bio; my husband has coached fifth and sixth grade football for thirty years. So, I know all about the football fever. I am a retired kindergarten/music teacher so I know about being in a classroom. I substitute now because I can't stay away. I enjoyed reading your story. ann
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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Your writing style allows the reader to read at a comfortable pace; and keep reading to find out what is going to happen next. There was a lot of suspense in the story, and yet, it has a very personal feel that everyone can identify with. I liked the surprises along the way. The details in the story were believeable and the scene with the underwear added humor. I noticed your bio; my husband has coached fifth and sixth grade football for thirty years. So, I know all about the football fever. I am a retired kindergarten/music teacher so I know about being in a classroom. I substitute now because I can't stay away. I enjoyed reading your story. ann
Comment Written 30-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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I am glad we have so much in common. I have warmed football bleachers for over twenty years and still have plenty to go. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Mrs Jones
I don't usually read book chapters so far into a story, but this came up and I was intriqued by the background. Your writing is a pleasure to read. I actually wished the chapter was longer. Great dialogue and easy style.
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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I don't usually read book chapters so far into a story, but this came up and I was intriqued by the background. Your writing is a pleasure to read. I actually wished the chapter was longer. Great dialogue and easy style.
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 30-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from mshugh
You're building the edginess in the story well, but now we have to play a few tricks
Ready?
Her voice turned to a whisper - voices don't turn - they change - so her voice changed or switched to a whisper
Oe better yet - her voice dropped to a whisper.
After a pause, he went on to say, - weto on to say = continued. One of the things with a novel is the word count - write over 85,000 words in a romance and you will have a real tough time getting an agent to look at it - so use contactions wherever possible - agents look for 'tight' words
He yelled his next sentence
= he shouted
Your writing has increased immeasurably - so now the reviewing will be more subtle, but tougher (laugh)
The next chapter - be a touch more subtle - let the reader 'feel' Steve's anguish. Use the conversation (like you did with Ralph in the last segment) as a means of narrating the story
Well done
I'll let the grammar police deal with the rest
Michael
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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You're building the edginess in the story well, but now we have to play a few tricks
Ready?
Her voice turned to a whisper - voices don't turn - they change - so her voice changed or switched to a whisper
Oe better yet - her voice dropped to a whisper.
After a pause, he went on to say, - weto on to say = continued. One of the things with a novel is the word count - write over 85,000 words in a romance and you will have a real tough time getting an agent to look at it - so use contactions wherever possible - agents look for 'tight' words
He yelled his next sentence
= he shouted
Your writing has increased immeasurably - so now the reviewing will be more subtle, but tougher (laugh)
The next chapter - be a touch more subtle - let the reader 'feel' Steve's anguish. Use the conversation (like you did with Ralph in the last segment) as a means of narrating the story
Well done
I'll let the grammar police deal with the rest
Michael
Comment Written 30-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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I have learned to wait for you to way in on my posts, to know how I really did. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Readywriter52
I can feel Steve's frustration as I read this chapter. He told Leya she was too weak to take a shower, but she did it anyway. He doesn't know how to deal with her stubbornness.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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I can feel Steve's frustration as I read this chapter. He told Leya she was too weak to take a shower, but she did it anyway. He doesn't know how to deal with her stubbornness.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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Do most men really know how to deal with a stubborn woman? Thank you for your review.
Comment from bookishfabler
Oh Ralph seems so wise. In th ebeginning I thought this was a crime drama type of story. I had missed the beginning. Is this more of a romance. I mean I know there is romance blosseming, but is that the genre. Duh- I just checked above. I never did until now. How stupid. But I love it.
He sat beside her and held her. As her body warmed, she fell asleep.
When she woke up, Steven asked, "How are you feeling?"
(Editor- put this together)
hugs
book
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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Oh Ralph seems so wise. In th ebeginning I thought this was a crime drama type of story. I had missed the beginning. Is this more of a romance. I mean I know there is romance blosseming, but is that the genre. Duh- I just checked above. I never did until now. How stupid. But I love it.
He sat beside her and held her. As her body warmed, she fell asleep.
When she woke up, Steven asked, "How are you feeling?"
(Editor- put this together)
hugs
book
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate the kind words, by the way, it is a romance.
Comment from warbler
This is first that I've read any of your book. If the other chapters are this good, you have a winner on your hands. I liked the characters and the way you expressed their interactions. You brought the words life.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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This is first that I've read any of your book. If the other chapters are this good, you have a winner on your hands. I liked the characters and the way you expressed their interactions. You brought the words life.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from BPL76
I look forward to reading more
The plot is good
the dialog is good also
Overall i like this story
Good Job
Good Read
BPL
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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I look forward to reading more
The plot is good
the dialog is good also
Overall i like this story
Good Job
Good Read
BPL
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Connie P
I haven't had the opportunity to read all the chapters, yet it was still an enjoyable read. Very tight writing, the dialogue is well done.
Overall good job,
Connie
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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I haven't had the opportunity to read all the chapters, yet it was still an enjoyable read. Very tight writing, the dialogue is well done.
Overall good job,
Connie
Comment Written 29-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
