The Delivery of Maturity
a bittersweet coming of age story in a poem17 total reviews
Comment from L.lora
Alvin, while not normally
my cup of tea, I commend you
on a well written story within
a poem. Even with the subject
matter and some of the verbiage;
this is still quite exquisite.
Very well done. no nits or spags.
:)Lora
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
  |
Alvin, while not normally
my cup of tea, I commend you
on a well written story within
a poem. Even with the subject
matter and some of the verbiage;
this is still quite exquisite.
Very well done. no nits or spags.
:)Lora
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
-
Thank you. I knew this poem would be hard for some to read, but I believe it accurately reflects the emotions of an intelligent seventeen year old youth. Thanks for a good review.
-
You are most welcome AE, it is definitely well written and you deserve your due. In does exactly what you wanted from it, what a great accomplishment. L
-
Thank you for a kind reply.
Comment from joan marie
You have one extra space in the line:"Not yet ,". I know you like you work to be perfect. I am sure it is a site thing. The use of ellipses, semicolons, and periods made reading this aloud the best way to go. The pauses were perfect. The message profound. joan marie
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
|
You have one extra space in the line:"Not yet ,". I know you like you work to be perfect. I am sure it is a site thing. The use of ellipses, semicolons, and periods made reading this aloud the best way to go. The pauses were perfect. The message profound. joan marie
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
-
Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it. I was waffling on whether or not to promote this poem, but I am glad I did.
-
I get you pretty well now. I know where you are coming from most of the time and it is a pleasure to read the different forms and topics you write about. Update: I actually have a date for dinner Saturday night. Been a long time. jm
-
Good luck on the date. Thanks for your kind words; I truly appreciate them.
-
Thanks, an internet date. We're going to Outback Steakhouse. You have them there don't you? I am so nervous. jm
-
Yes, but the service is generally horrible; the food is good, though. Go for the steak if you're a carnivore and the onion appetizer. The wine list has some good bargains on Australian wines.
-
I like Australian Beaujelois? I eat very light now. I have gone from a size 16 to a size 8. And I think next month maybe a six. They are generally so busy, but this one is out in the county, not in the city proper. The busiest restaraunt is Applebee's next to it. jm
-
Applebee's is horrible out here. I think the best bargains are on Australian Shiraz. Eat, girl, eat. You know when we are hungry is when the demons are the closest...
-
I am kinda wanting to hold onto this size eight I finally achieved. I will probably be to nervous to eat much. Our Applebee's, the two I've eaten at are great. I don't even have to go three blocks out of my neighborhood to get to one. Usually to go. Off to Stephen Hawking and the Theory of Everything. Already watched him and his black hole theories, then the Information Paradox. Now trying to figure out the origine of it all before he dies. Amazing man, he has to picture it all in his head. He is now in his sixties and only able to type three words a minute. Amazing. Makes me feel small. Night. joan marie
Comment from babylonia
i'd say she definitely needed to quench many desires. the feeling of pain and anguish. the mourning and so many other confusing feelings. sigh. easy to read and follow. no spaggies now that i understand the rhyme sequence. imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
|
i'd say she definitely needed to quench many desires. the feeling of pain and anguish. the mourning and so many other confusing feelings. sigh. easy to read and follow. no spaggies now that i understand the rhyme sequence. imagery is excellent.
love,
barbara
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
-
Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it.
-
you are welcome~
love,
barbara
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Alvin,
there goes your poetic talent glowing.
I like your title a nice play on words a 17 year old deliverance of his maturity.
You made an great choose using iambic hexameter (alexandrines) 12 syllables per line with your rhyme scheme of abbc.
Gert
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
|
Hello Alvin,
there goes your poetic talent glowing.
I like your title a nice play on words a 17 year old deliverance of his maturity.
You made an great choose using iambic hexameter (alexandrines) 12 syllables per line with your rhyme scheme of abbc.
Gert
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
-
Thanks for a great review. I was waffling on promoting it or not, and your gift made the decision for me. It is now promoted.
-
You are welcome Alvin
Take care.
Gert
Comment from Blue Danube
Alvin:
Reading this poem I ask myself in amazement how you get to tell such a story in a poem with rhythm and rhyming and still keep it being a tale that one can completely understand.
I'm sure the young man's encounter with this woman would be unforgettable to both of them because it went well at first (although the woman is in mourning and the boy knows nothing about it yet) and later the shock at reading the note.
I like how you wrote this story; very interesting, sad, and much more.
Blue
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
|
Alvin:
Reading this poem I ask myself in amazement how you get to tell such a story in a poem with rhythm and rhyming and still keep it being a tale that one can completely understand.
I'm sure the young man's encounter with this woman would be unforgettable to both of them because it went well at first (although the woman is in mourning and the boy knows nothing about it yet) and later the shock at reading the note.
I like how you wrote this story; very interesting, sad, and much more.
Blue
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
-
Thanks for so well understanding what I wanted to accomplish in this poem. I am thinking of promoting it; what do you think?
-
Alvin:
Based on the quality of this piece, I'd say it definitely deserves to be read.
I guess that promoting a work makes it more visible and I would think "The Delivery of Maturity" would appeal to many readers.
That's my humble opinion.
Blue
-
Thanks. I was worried that the vulgarity might turn some people off, but I don't think it is gratuitous for a seventeen year old youth.
-
Alvin,
The four letter words in this story, and as I understand it, are what and how this young person is thinking.
I also know that people have a choice to read or not to read since it carries that announcement/warning prior to opening the poem/story. About half the time, I skip to another piece even without opening to see what's written once I see the announcement. I'm glad I read your work. It is very good, according to my opinion.
Blue
-
yes, thanks to Gert Sherwood giving me a banner, I had to promote it. I'm poorer now, but I really do like this work, so I think it was worth the money (I seldom buy member currency on this site.)
-
Sorry you are poorer now, Alvin.
I do try not to buy currency but I'm also not prolific like you are.
Blue
-
I'll get over it. The poem was worth it.
-
I so totally agree. Completely worth it.
Blue
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Al...I was glad for your note about the young man being mature for his age as I found some of the words rarely spoken by one so young. I know a boy often loses his virginity to an older woman so the story doesn't surprise me. The ending is a bit sad for the woman but not necessarily for the young man...he will move on and not look back. The poem itself is well written and does tell a bittersweet tale...well done....chey
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
|
Hi Al...I was glad for your note about the young man being mature for his age as I found some of the words rarely spoken by one so young. I know a boy often loses his virginity to an older woman so the story doesn't surprise me. The ending is a bit sad for the woman but not necessarily for the young man...he will move on and not look back. The poem itself is well written and does tell a bittersweet tale...well done....chey
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
-
Thanks for a great review. I rather like this poem--I don't know why, but I do. I think I may promote it. What do you think?
-
I would promote it if I were you. But I know you know some will think it 'trashy' and rate you down because of it...when they really should just not write a review if that is the way they feel! To me the reality of the situation was well done...but then I am not an old fuddy duddy! (grin)
-
Yes, that was my worry. I don't think the vulgarity is gratuitous for a seventeen year old youth, but some might. That, I think, would cause them to miss the poignancy in the story, which is so important. Thanks again for your review.
Comment from c_lucas
A very well written poem. I believe the movie was "Summer of 1942." This reminded me of that movie. Smooth flow of words, Good luck in your contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
|
A very well written poem. I believe the movie was "Summer of 1942." This reminded me of that movie. Smooth flow of words, Good luck in your contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
-
In that film, the husband dies in war. This isn't a contest entry. I truly appreciate your fine review. I actually did write this for a contest, only to find out the contest wanted PROSE, not poetry. However, I still like the poem very much, and I am glad you do, as well.
-
I was very impressed with it.
