Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Chapter 6; part4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
52 total reviews
Comment from Connie P
Another interesting chapter. I'm wondering if Steven isn't imposing his tastes on Leya rather than embracing hers. Hmmm, I guess I'll have to wait and see.
Good Job,
Connie
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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Another interesting chapter. I'm wondering if Steven isn't imposing his tastes on Leya rather than embracing hers. Hmmm, I guess I'll have to wait and see.
Good Job,
Connie
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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We will have to wait and see. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Arkine
~L~ Well, I missed a few chapters. He's getting VERY comfortable in this relationship. At least the attraction is mutual. Hard to protect someone though when you're too busy looking at them. Leya's right, a different team needs to be protecting her. Of course, that wouldn't be any fun at all. ;)
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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~L~ Well, I missed a few chapters. He's getting VERY comfortable in this relationship. At least the attraction is mutual. Hard to protect someone though when you're too busy looking at them. Leya's right, a different team needs to be protecting her. Of course, that wouldn't be any fun at all. ;)
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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I'm all for fun. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Jordan Rose
Great job, Barbara. This was very sweet and romantic and thankfully, Peggy left them alone!
In this sentence you need a comma after 'head'- As Steven rubbed the back of his neck and gulped loudly, he turned his head searching around the room.
Thanks for sharing. Jordan
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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Great job, Barbara. This was very sweet and romantic and thankfully, Peggy left them alone!
In this sentence you need a comma after 'head'- As Steven rubbed the back of his neck and gulped loudly, he turned his head searching around the room.
Thanks for sharing. Jordan
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I will take care of it.
Comment from Writeaway...
Great job once again barbara, I found no spags whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, excellent job, keep writing and a happy new year to you to.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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Great job once again barbara, I found no spags whatsoever and was kept interested from the beginning, excellent job, keep writing and a happy new year to you to.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your kind reviews.
Comment from bookishfabler
Another good chapter. watch out for Evil Eddie
A few minutes later, Leya answered the door and stared at Steven standing there. The moisture in her eyes caused them to shine. "Why?"
He reached out and took her hand (editor- skip a line)
neck and gulped loudly, (gulped? I think gulped loudly sounds a bit carttonish- maybe thats just me. LOL)
He put the candy back in the bag and chuckled. "So you're a chocoholic?" She bit slowly into the (skip a line)
happy Holidays
Happy new Year
hugs
book
Oh- Happy Birthday too.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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Another good chapter. watch out for Evil Eddie
A few minutes later, Leya answered the door and stared at Steven standing there. The moisture in her eyes caused them to shine. "Why?"
He reached out and took her hand (editor- skip a line)
neck and gulped loudly, (gulped? I think gulped loudly sounds a bit carttonish- maybe thats just me. LOL)
He put the candy back in the bag and chuckled. "So you're a chocoholic?" She bit slowly into the (skip a line)
happy Holidays
Happy new Year
hugs
book
Oh- Happy Birthday too.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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Thank you for catching those. I will make the corrections.
Comment from Mengleoh67
Oh I really really really wanted six stars for this one!! Perfection, absolute perfection! I know that old hag is going to stir up a huge ruckus over this, but still the character interaction was AWESOME! The dialogue is fantastic, the pace is slow and sweet and carries the storyline along perfectly.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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Oh I really really really wanted six stars for this one!! Perfection, absolute perfection! I know that old hag is going to stir up a huge ruckus over this, but still the character interaction was AWESOME! The dialogue is fantastic, the pace is slow and sweet and carries the storyline along perfectly.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for the kind words. I am glad you liked the post.
Comment from KC Frantzen
Hi
I enjoyed reading your story!
Thanks for sharing it.
Perhaps a little tweaking here and there:
For ex: "I didn't know that. I thought you accidentally left them." She rubbed her arms as goose bumps traveled up them.
Both sentences end with "them" here so close together.
This line just falls a little flat for me and might benefit from a bit of expansion or senses added: Leya backed away and returned to her room.
Maybe add a little more showing and less telling. You have the makings of a GREAT story here!
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Hi
I enjoyed reading your story!
Thanks for sharing it.
Perhaps a little tweaking here and there:
For ex: "I didn't know that. I thought you accidentally left them." She rubbed her arms as goose bumps traveled up them.
Both sentences end with "them" here so close together.
This line just falls a little flat for me and might benefit from a bit of expansion or senses added: Leya backed away and returned to her room.
Maybe add a little more showing and less telling. You have the makings of a GREAT story here!
Keep writing!
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from djyarrum
Another enjoyable chapter. I've enjoyed some of the previous chapter and this one didn't disappoint. Again the dialogue is a real winner, it is realistic and adds much to making the story come to life. How long do we have to wait before something happens between the two principal characters...or will it ever be? Regards Mr Darcy oops I mean David.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Another enjoyable chapter. I've enjoyed some of the previous chapter and this one didn't disappoint. Again the dialogue is a real winner, it is realistic and adds much to making the story come to life. How long do we have to wait before something happens between the two principal characters...or will it ever be? Regards Mr Darcy oops I mean David.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Hey, I can promise some action, but in due time, in due time, I have to set the stage to really heat things up. Thank you for your review.
Comment from anne1204
Very nice story with some romance and mystery. I saw nothing to change or correct and look forward to other chapters. Happy New Year. Anne 1204
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Very nice story with some romance and mystery. I saw nothing to change or correct and look forward to other chapters. Happy New Year. Anne 1204
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from wierdgrace
Happy holidays Barbara, so sorry I am behind in reading your book, I have been so busy and a bit ill over the holidays, I could not even get my own posting a few days, but now I am catching up, this is wonderful as always, you are a great teacher and writer. I got another monitor for christmas so I can look at my book while reading the reviews, thank you so much, with your help I am sure publishing is this year. I wish you the same.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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Happy holidays Barbara, so sorry I am behind in reading your book, I have been so busy and a bit ill over the holidays, I could not even get my own posting a few days, but now I am catching up, this is wonderful as always, you are a great teacher and writer. I got another monitor for christmas so I can look at my book while reading the reviews, thank you so much, with your help I am sure publishing is this year. I wish you the same.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2009
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I hope you're feeling better. I appreciate your support and kind words.
