The Ice Princess
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Chapters 12 - 13 - 14"Love, Hate, Conflicts and Fear
21 total reviews
Comment from lola29
Wow! Carol, your scene involving finding Macy was very emotionally palpable for me. Great writing!
I'm really intrigued with Cappy's feelings about Trent. You did a fantastic job of emoting his emotions. Bravo!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Wow! Carol, your scene involving finding Macy was very emotionally palpable for me. Great writing!
I'm really intrigued with Cappy's feelings about Trent. You did a fantastic job of emoting his emotions. Bravo!
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Lola
I have found one glitch and I have to fix it with some tie in. I don't show how Shaker knew about the kidnapping in order to save Trent. Maybe Sherrie could have been trying to buy time for her man and was in the shadows when they grabbed him. She could have told Shaker how she was going to try and get the money. Sound feasible? Carol
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I just thought since Trent was so nervous, he probably voluntered the information in case Shaker was trying to extort more money from him.
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Could be but I never indicated he knew..because even knowing that makes him despicable because she's his daughter
Comment from L.lora
Excellent flow and detail,
high tension follows through-
out the scenes presented. The
complexity of the situations
is well thought out and detailed.
Your closing ties everything to-
gether neatly, leaves no gaps or
unaswered questions.. excellent.
:)Lora
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Excellent flow and detail,
high tension follows through-
out the scenes presented. The
complexity of the situations
is well thought out and detailed.
Your closing ties everything to-
gether neatly, leaves no gaps or
unaswered questions.. excellent.
:)Lora
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Lora
There is one final chapter that I will post tomorrow I hope. Thanks for the continuing support. CArol
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No problem Carole, it has been a great story,realistic and well written. You need to think about submitting it to one of the mags.. Lora
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This is entered in the FanStory contest that is being submitted to Breathless Press. The winner gets a contract for their book. That's why I had to include the sensual scenes. The last chapter has to include Christmas because it will be released in the holiday season. I don't know if this is good enough but I am giving it a shot. Smiles, Carol
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I read about that contest, I think you've got a great chance with it..I wish you the best always but especially with this.. you go girl! Lora
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Phil Kitom
Hooray, the child has been found... The reader can relax for a while now, but I am sure you have lots more in store for us... Enjoyable Carol...
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Hooray, the child has been found... The reader can relax for a while now, but I am sure you have lots more in store for us... Enjoyable Carol...
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Phil
Glad you like this. I hated to rush the scenes so much but with the 10,000 word restriction ..it's tough...I can definitely see a sequel though after the ending. Reilly and Max fighting crime...Thanks for continuing to read. Carol
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Charlie
Thank you for continuing to read the story. Appreciate your input. Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. Charlie
Comment from BethShelby
That is a relief that the kidnapping is cleared up. Did I miss something? I'm not sure how Shaker is connected to Sherrie or whose idea the kidnapping was. I am continuing to enjoy the story. It is fast paced and holds the readers attention.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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That is a relief that the kidnapping is cleared up. Did I miss something? I'm not sure how Shaker is connected to Sherrie or whose idea the kidnapping was. I am continuing to enjoy the story. It is fast paced and holds the readers attention.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Beth
I guess I wanted to assume since Shaker knew all the street talk, he knew Sherrie was involved...I need to tie that in some how but it has to be small because I don't have the number count. I thought of it to but I don't know. Just maybe one of his goons had been collecting a debt or something...any suggestions? Thanks Carol
Comment from dmjones
Hi Carol, Another good one.
Immediately, law enforcement surrounded him and whisked (him) away to a squad car.
The very last part I'm not sure about. Did the officers know that Shaker had a soft spot? Did they know Trent knew nothing or assumed it because he was there for 3 days. Or did Shaker give the tip. It's early here so not sure if this makes sense:)
Sherrie's involvement. (make a new paragraph here even though you are talking about Trent it's a new thought with Shaker in it)Trent might
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Hi Carol, Another good one.
Immediately, law enforcement surrounded him and whisked (him) away to a squad car.
The very last part I'm not sure about. Did the officers know that Shaker had a soft spot? Did they know Trent knew nothing or assumed it because he was there for 3 days. Or did Shaker give the tip. It's early here so not sure if this makes sense:)
Sherrie's involvement. (make a new paragraph here even though you are talking about Trent it's a new thought with Shaker in it)Trent might
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Donna
I am really limited to words but I too realized I never said how Shaker new. Maybe he was collecting $ and saw her or since he hears all the street talk???? Any ideas? Carol
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What about Sherrie seeing Shaker. He tries to shake her down for money and she tells him the plan and enlists his help with Trent? You might be able to put that in the last paragraph somehow?
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That's a possibility too. I just thought about just having Trent see her in the shadows with Shaker when they are in the alley. The reader will know there must be some connection...but I don't have to go in to detail...
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How about combining the two...Sherrie does try to get Shaker to give Trent longer time and tells him her plan to get money
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That would work.
Comment from melyuki
Well I was half right. Not bad for an amateur I think... Great story Carol, and so well told . It certainly grabs the reader all the way through each scenario, and you have made the characters come to life. Their personalities , so well described , that the reader starts to feel the emotions which surround each one. Some with passion ( yeah like Max ) and others with distaste. ( the bitch who stole Macey). A great read.
Couple of typos noticed you're sure to want to fix.
1. Para starting At three o'clock ....... parked in 'front' of ( from) the station.
2. same para. ...... whisked " him" away to squad car.
Well done, now you can take a good long well deserved rest, knowing that your readers are truly satisfied and completely enthralled with your wonderful ability. Hugs from Mel xx I hope the last chapters take us back to the beautiful Max and his relationship with Reilly.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Well I was half right. Not bad for an amateur I think... Great story Carol, and so well told . It certainly grabs the reader all the way through each scenario, and you have made the characters come to life. Their personalities , so well described , that the reader starts to feel the emotions which surround each one. Some with passion ( yeah like Max ) and others with distaste. ( the bitch who stole Macey). A great read.
Couple of typos noticed you're sure to want to fix.
1. Para starting At three o'clock ....... parked in 'front' of ( from) the station.
2. same para. ...... whisked " him" away to squad car.
Well done, now you can take a good long well deserved rest, knowing that your readers are truly satisfied and completely enthralled with your wonderful ability. Hugs from Mel xx I hope the last chapters take us back to the beautiful Max and his relationship with Reilly.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Mel
The last chap is happiness and smiles...hurrah! I'll fix those mistakes asap. Thanks for the review....Smiles to you, Carol
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yeah, I knew the hunk had to marry the lovely Reilly and the 3 become a happy loving family ever after. I'll wait till I read it and then smile. Luv Mel
Comment from fictionwriter
Another excellent chapter in the story. Nothing to tear apart in this one. I'm a little let down that it moved so fast at this point. I'd love to have seen it a little more drawn out, but that's just me. great job.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Another excellent chapter in the story. Nothing to tear apart in this one. I'm a little let down that it moved so fast at this point. I'd love to have seen it a little more drawn out, but that's just me. great job.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Joy
So would I but with the limitation on the number of words I got stuck. As it is I am over by about 500 but I don't think that will be a big problem. I don't know how they expect a big story with a shortage of words. Thanks again CArol
Comment from Heidixoxo
WHEW....thank goodness she was found safe and sound. You have truly popped this story and made it fantastic. GREAT job my friend, nicely done. Good luck to you....xoxo
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reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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WHEW....thank goodness she was found safe and sound. You have truly popped this story and made it fantastic. GREAT job my friend, nicely done. Good luck to you....xoxo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Heidi
Thank you so much..You will have to come back and catch the last chapter on Monday I think. I appreciate the read. CArol
Comment from Sarabran
Another excellent chapter. So glad Macy was unharmed. I wonder if her father Trent will be as lucky. Can't wait to read more. I look forward to each chapter that you write. Sara :)
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Another excellent chapter. So glad Macy was unharmed. I wonder if her father Trent will be as lucky. Can't wait to read more. I look forward to each chapter that you write. Sara :)
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Sara
I am so glad that you enjoyed this chapter and I so much appreciate the stars. That is kind of you. Thanks again Carol
