Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Chapter 2 Part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
36 total reviews
Comment from Arkine
~LOL~ Yeah, she's got his number. A bit of a fast pace to this one, though I suppose it's supposed to be that way or maybe I just read it too quickly. Well, doesn't matter either way I liked it. Nice job!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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~LOL~ Yeah, she's got his number. A bit of a fast pace to this one, though I suppose it's supposed to be that way or maybe I just read it too quickly. Well, doesn't matter either way I liked it. Nice job!
Comment Written 18-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Great chapter.
Good descriptions.
I'm glad you got feedback about how to handle the Spanish translations.
Flows well.
Interesting story.
I want to see what happens next.
Kathryn
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Great chapter.
Good descriptions.
I'm glad you got feedback about how to handle the Spanish translations.
Flows well.
Interesting story.
I want to see what happens next.
Kathryn
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review.
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You're welcome.
Kathryn
Comment from nora arjuna
oh would love to know what will happen next between them. nothing to pick at in this chapter. read fast and smooth. i'm trying my best to catch up with things here. :)
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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oh would love to know what will happen next between them. nothing to pick at in this chapter. read fast and smooth. i'm trying my best to catch up with things here. :)
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Thank you for the review. You know I love hearing from you.
Comment from ladybird
A good follow on chapter. Seems Leya is quite the femme fatal, rather full on, lol.
Wishing he didn't know it wasn't fully covered, he wondered how far down the butterfly's wings went.
Suggest:
Wishing he didn't know it wasn't fully covered, he wondered how far down the butterfly tattoo went.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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A good follow on chapter. Seems Leya is quite the femme fatal, rather full on, lol.
Wishing he didn't know it wasn't fully covered, he wondered how far down the butterfly's wings went.
Suggest:
Wishing he didn't know it wasn't fully covered, he wondered how far down the butterfly tattoo went.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Thank you. I like your suggestion better. I'd played with that sentence. Glad you tool care of it for me.
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You're welcome.
Comment from samuelbrody
Barbara... Hello. Nice. In this one I think the narrative carried more of the weight. Obviously, the emotions are quite pronounced here and with good cause. The ebb and flow of sensuality is critical to keep the reader on point. We're talking Romance Fiction here. Good dialogue. All in all, well done. Michael.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Barbara... Hello. Nice. In this one I think the narrative carried more of the weight. Obviously, the emotions are quite pronounced here and with good cause. The ebb and flow of sensuality is critical to keep the reader on point. We're talking Romance Fiction here. Good dialogue. All in all, well done. Michael.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I apreciate your kind words.
Comment from K-Patrick
I can see where the chapter is heading. I like it, but having all team members in the petite section is limiting coverage. Post at least someone at the door.
butterfly wings -- that is a rather mundane tattoo for a millionaire's daughter. Maybe a tribal phoenix or Aztec eagle?
When she turned toward him, he noticed she wore a sheer blouse and the bra didn't fully cover her breasts. -- He just noticed this?
"I need more undies and some toiletries." - undies as a tease or is she serious. She's 3rd maybe forth generation cartel (big money/power) She might say something like: ""I need more personals and some toiletries. Do not rush me ... Por favor."
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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I can see where the chapter is heading. I like it, but having all team members in the petite section is limiting coverage. Post at least someone at the door.
butterfly wings -- that is a rather mundane tattoo for a millionaire's daughter. Maybe a tribal phoenix or Aztec eagle?
When she turned toward him, he noticed she wore a sheer blouse and the bra didn't fully cover her breasts. -- He just noticed this?
"I need more undies and some toiletries." - undies as a tease or is she serious. She's 3rd maybe forth generation cartel (big money/power) She might say something like: ""I need more personals and some toiletries. Do not rush me ... Por favor."
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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She's teasing him, plus I'll give you a hint with the tat, she hates needles. It will come up much later. Thank you.
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Barbara, this was a terrific chapter. Full of sensual undercurrents. Steven is going to have his hands full with this maiden. Already she has him in a tight spot.
Only one little gremlin:
(His eyes)[He] glared at her
Well done. luv jada
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Hi Barbara, this was a terrific chapter. Full of sensual undercurrents. Steven is going to have his hands full with this maiden. Already she has him in a tight spot.
Only one little gremlin:
(His eyes)[He] glared at her
Well done. luv jada
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Thank you. You know I always enjoy hearing from you.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is nice. The diction and style are simple and the conversations flowed quite well. I look forward to reading the next chapter. kudos
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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This is nice. The diction and style are simple and the conversations flowed quite well. I look forward to reading the next chapter. kudos
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from empire76
- ...knowing that was impossible.
- impossible or unethical. Because I think it is very possible and WILL happen. LOL. Otherwise, why is he thinking it is impossible. Let the reader buy into it too.
Aside from that, I didn't spot anything else to mention. The dialogue, characters are narration are all consistent with the way they've been so far.
- ...adjusted the lump in his blue jeans,
LOL. Not very romantic, but funny.
Empi
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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- ...knowing that was impossible.
- impossible or unethical. Because I think it is very possible and WILL happen. LOL. Otherwise, why is he thinking it is impossible. Let the reader buy into it too.
Aside from that, I didn't spot anything else to mention. The dialogue, characters are narration are all consistent with the way they've been so far.
- ...adjusted the lump in his blue jeans,
LOL. Not very romantic, but funny.
Empi
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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It's impossible, also unethical, but he fights drug cartels she's a drug lord princes. It's impossible.
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That's exactly what I wanted to hear. I think that line should be in the story, and I'll tell you why...
In the literal sense of the word (esp considering you've listed it as a romance with Steve and Leya as H and H) impossible isn't really true. However it is a great representation of his feelings and his personality. Thus saying WHY he believes it's impossible (to me) adds to the story.
Just my thoughts, of course. Happy writing; looking forward to the next chapter
E
Comment from Phil Kitom
She is really teasing him with her suggestions
such as holding the bra and panty set up
which immediately sends his mind racing to
his crotch. She really knows what she is
up to... Good story
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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She is really teasing him with her suggestions
such as holding the bra and panty set up
which immediately sends his mind racing to
his crotch. She really knows what she is
up to... Good story
Comment Written 17-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2009
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Oh yes, she's has big plans for Steven. Thanks for your review.
