CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 122 "Catharsis; a beginning"A collection of poetry
19 total reviews
Comment from Algernon
When ones emotional back account is empty, caused by the desire to please, give, give, giving in to another's emotional back account, whilst being taken for granted. Will take its toll. We all need time out and have our emotional needs met. That way ones life is centered and hope returns. May you find what you are looking for...
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When ones emotional back account is empty, caused by the desire to please, give, give, giving in to another's emotional back account, whilst being taken for granted. Will take its toll. We all need time out and have our emotional needs met. That way ones life is centered and hope returns. May you find what you are looking for...
Comment Written 23-Dec-2008
Comment from Susan E. Pennycuff
although the theme of this one is strong, the rhythm is a bit hard to grasp
I think perhaps that could be solved with a few line break adjustments
for instance in that first stanza the last line
you have a real tongue twister:
--while bearing, burying the losses.
it would read a bit smoother if you broke it up
--while bearing...
burying the losses.
you have some other instances of rough spots as well
and I am not sure about one line where you spell highway as two words... now if you are inferring to 'high' as a reference then you have it correct, but otherwise highway is one word. I would suggest though if you are using it as a reference that you type it like this: 'high' to show that or people will assume that you are mispelling highway.
Again, let me reinterate that if you smooth out the rhythm of this, your theme is good... get your pause points down pat and make it a smooth read to better allow the reader to absorb and understand the write and you are good to go.
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although the theme of this one is strong, the rhythm is a bit hard to grasp
I think perhaps that could be solved with a few line break adjustments
for instance in that first stanza the last line
you have a real tongue twister:
--while bearing, burying the losses.
it would read a bit smoother if you broke it up
--while bearing...
burying the losses.
you have some other instances of rough spots as well
and I am not sure about one line where you spell highway as two words... now if you are inferring to 'high' as a reference then you have it correct, but otherwise highway is one word. I would suggest though if you are using it as a reference that you type it like this: 'high' to show that or people will assume that you are mispelling highway.
Again, let me reinterate that if you smooth out the rhythm of this, your theme is good... get your pause points down pat and make it a smooth read to better allow the reader to absorb and understand the write and you are good to go.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2008
Comment from rmdelta
Sue,
Wow, Sue. This thing was over my head about a mile with the opening stanza. While I know you're not writing these things for me alone, lordy, but I wish you could lower the intelligence level needed to understand them, a couple of notches. I'm turning into a robber on here, taking your 12 points and your 90 cents, and giving you nothing in exchange. Well, except maybe a laugh at my expense. lol
I would like to wish and your loved ones a Merry Christmas, Sue. I hope the New Year is prosperous and peaceful for all of you.
Hopefully you will be published next year, become wealthy; and remember this poor man who wished it for you and without whose wishes it would never have happened to you. A 25% cut should be sufficient as my share, Sue. lol
Reggie
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2008
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Sue,
Wow, Sue. This thing was over my head about a mile with the opening stanza. While I know you're not writing these things for me alone, lordy, but I wish you could lower the intelligence level needed to understand them, a couple of notches. I'm turning into a robber on here, taking your 12 points and your 90 cents, and giving you nothing in exchange. Well, except maybe a laugh at my expense. lol
I would like to wish and your loved ones a Merry Christmas, Sue. I hope the New Year is prosperous and peaceful for all of you.
Hopefully you will be published next year, become wealthy; and remember this poor man who wished it for you and without whose wishes it would never have happened to you. A 25% cut should be sufficient as my share, Sue. lol
Reggie
Comment Written 23-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2008
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Reggie, how could I ever forget the pilferer who always dropped by, taking the coin, but always leaving me with a smile on my face. If you agree to 15%, it's "a deal"! Ha! - And I wish you and all your of wonderful Christmas together. Hoping I contributed enough from your thievery to help pay for the presents! HA!! I love your feeble mind, Reggie :-)) Sue
Comment from Roisin
This is a beautiful poem and very well written. Your rhyme scheme is great and I love the alliteration. I think it adds to the flow of the poem.
I'm not very good at reading deep into a poem so I can't be sure exactly what it's about. I think it's about some sort of sacrifice that's being made?
However, whatever the deeper meaning, I love how it sounds - it just rolls off the tongue.
Warm regards.
Roisin
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This is a beautiful poem and very well written. Your rhyme scheme is great and I love the alliteration. I think it adds to the flow of the poem.
I'm not very good at reading deep into a poem so I can't be sure exactly what it's about. I think it's about some sort of sacrifice that's being made?
However, whatever the deeper meaning, I love how it sounds - it just rolls off the tongue.
Warm regards.
Roisin
Comment Written 23-Dec-2008
Comment from dportwood
Sixteezkid,
Your free verse message of self sacrifice goes to the heart of living a life as if caught in a web of forgetting your own needs and desires while trying to please others.
I like the alliteration and generous use of metaphors.
Duane
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2008
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Sixteezkid,
Your free verse message of self sacrifice goes to the heart of living a life as if caught in a web of forgetting your own needs and desires while trying to please others.
I like the alliteration and generous use of metaphors.
Duane
Comment Written 23-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2008
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Hi Duane, thanks so much for your very kind review. Yes, one totally forgets one's own needs, or at least, not able to care any longer. Thank you for your comments on the alliteration and metaphors. With regards, Sue :-))
Comment from Domino
Mornin, Sue.
You sure seem ta have cracked this free verse lark.
Loads off excellent alliteration and metaphors.
I'm not sure of the relevance of the picture. I often read too deep, so forgive me if I'm wrong. The writer seems ta be saying she's trapped in a bad relationship and the only thing keeping her going is the need ta care for her daughter. Whatever, it's very thought-provoking poetry of the highest level, IMHO. Merry Christmas, Ray xx
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2008
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Mornin, Sue.
You sure seem ta have cracked this free verse lark.
Loads off excellent alliteration and metaphors.
I'm not sure of the relevance of the picture. I often read too deep, so forgive me if I'm wrong. The writer seems ta be saying she's trapped in a bad relationship and the only thing keeping her going is the need ta care for her daughter. Whatever, it's very thought-provoking poetry of the highest level, IMHO. Merry Christmas, Ray xx
Comment Written 23-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2008
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Ray, most certainly am "unloading"! I titled this "Catharsis; a beginning" because as I go along, I believe I will have a series. A series that will be cathartic for me. This initial one is broad-brushing the current entrapment of both myself and my daughter within autism. And how much help she needs, I need, we need, etc. And since about 2 years ago when things changed drastically for her, I am now living her life of not even wanting to leave the house. Very isolating. Things like that. So, God knows there are many decisions to be made. Just needed to get some of it out. But, thanks so much for your great review. :-)) Sue
Comment from LScribeHarris
So...to me, this poem seems to be about how making yourself live solely for the sake of another person can take away your individuality and, therefore, the meaning of your life itself.
To me, that's how it read.
I think it's a very true scenario, and I think everyone has experienced it at some time or another.
I think the second stanza needs a little rephrasing, because the second and third lines are a bit awkward together.
Take care, and keep writing!
Scribe
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2008
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So...to me, this poem seems to be about how making yourself live solely for the sake of another person can take away your individuality and, therefore, the meaning of your life itself.
To me, that's how it read.
I think it's a very true scenario, and I think everyone has experienced it at some time or another.
I think the second stanza needs a little rephrasing, because the second and third lines are a bit awkward together.
Take care, and keep writing!
Scribe
Comment Written 23-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2008
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Scribe, thanks so much for taking out the time to read and review. And for all your suggestions. Now going to go re-visit it on those points. You read it exactly as intended. Much appreciated, Sue
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Thanks again, Scribe. Helped me a lot! Sue
Comment from Totally Pristine
It was difficult to get the point but I saw maybe the general thrust of your poem: that martyrs are always dying for lost causes and in the end maybe, they doubt if they have really made a difference at all.
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It was difficult to get the point but I saw maybe the general thrust of your poem: that martyrs are always dying for lost causes and in the end maybe, they doubt if they have really made a difference at all.
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Comment Written 23-Dec-2008
Comment from chaswriter
Sue - I enjoyed the poem but not sure if I figured out all metaphors. One suggestion: Do not use parens in poems. It messes up the rhythm of that line.
Charlie.
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reply by the author on 22-Dec-2008
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Sue - I enjoyed the poem but not sure if I figured out all metaphors. One suggestion: Do not use parens in poems. It messes up the rhythm of that line.
Charlie.
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Comment Written 22-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2008
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Charlie, thanks so much for your great review... Yes, this is full of metaphors, applicable to my life right now! HA! Thanks much also for the suggestion to nix the parentheses. I just put both of those words together separated by a comma. Much appreciated...Sue