CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 133 "Telemarketer"A collection of poetry
16 total reviews
Comment from fayesh
Your cinquain is not quite write. if you writing a modified cinquain which does not count syllables, then the fourth line has to have 4 words.
Here is the format:
Line 1: 1 word title (noun) - ok
Line 2: 2 descriptive words (adjectives) - ok
Line 3: 3 words that epress action(verbs) - ok
Line 4: 4 words that express feeling - you have 3 words
Line 5: 1 word (synonyms or refers to title in line 1)- ok
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reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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Your cinquain is not quite write. if you writing a modified cinquain which does not count syllables, then the fourth line has to have 4 words.
Here is the format:
Line 1: 1 word title (noun) - ok
Line 2: 2 descriptive words (adjectives) - ok
Line 3: 3 words that epress action(verbs) - ok
Line 4: 4 words that express feeling - you have 3 words
Line 5: 1 word (synonyms or refers to title in line 1)- ok
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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Thank you SO much, Fayesh. I misunderstood it. Will go back to the drawing board and read more about it and make the very necessary changes. Again, thanks for highlighting that very important element. With regards, Sue
Comment from rmdelta
Sue,
What a great piece of writing, Sue. But, tell me something, How do you REALLY feel about them? lol That's when you need the old police whistle and blow their eardrums out.
Nicely done, Sue
Reggie
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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Sue,
What a great piece of writing, Sue. But, tell me something, How do you REALLY feel about them? lol That's when you need the old police whistle and blow their eardrums out.
Nicely done, Sue
Reggie
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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Reggie, it was just pointed out to me by Fayesh that I need 4 words (not 3) in line 4. I will REALLY let you know how I feel about them when I (easily) insert another word! HA!!! Thanks for the review. Now gotta go patch it up to really earn this 5! Regards, Sue
Comment from LitGuru
Sixteezkid,
Overall: I always enjoy reading your poems! This is a poem many Americans can relate to, so I'm sure it is to be an instant success. Not to mention the picture, which is perfect! The colors convey a sort of migraine mood. Just remember, telemarketers are people, too! They have families that they have to feed. Well done!
Nitpicks: I wonder if the flow would be better with the fourth line reading, "Invading Privacy"? The line as it is seems a bit awkward to me in the context. Probably because it is not an adjective.
SPAG: -
Another one for the books! Again, well done - look forward to more.
LG
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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Sixteezkid,
Overall: I always enjoy reading your poems! This is a poem many Americans can relate to, so I'm sure it is to be an instant success. Not to mention the picture, which is perfect! The colors convey a sort of migraine mood. Just remember, telemarketers are people, too! They have families that they have to feed. Well done!
Nitpicks: I wonder if the flow would be better with the fourth line reading, "Invading Privacy"? The line as it is seems a bit awkward to me in the context. Probably because it is not an adjective.
SPAG: -
Another one for the books! Again, well done - look forward to more.
LG
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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LitGuru, I was just informed by Fayesh that 4th line needed to have four words since this is a modified cinquain. So, I made it, "Vile invasion of privacy". Love for you to "nitpick"! Only way I can learn. True, the callers are actually on the job and I don't treat them bad. It's the sick way that these companies are aloud (even after congress passed legislation) to call our homes. My first cinquain! Love learning all these new genres. So fun. Thanks for reading and for all your great comments! Sue
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Yes, I hadn't noticed that you were going for a cinquain when I wrote my review. Again, well done!
LG
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I'm just feeling my way in the dark with poetry right now (the genres and vocabulary, that is - not the great light of poetry!).
Just come across a new format and give it a try. I like the "total immersion" approach to life! HA! Wouldn't learn a thing if I hadn't come to fanstory!
Thanks for reading my work. YOUR work is on my "to do" list! Starting tonight.
Thanks Lit!
Sue
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I've only been here a matter of days, and already I've learned a lot, as well. I look forward to your comments on my work.
LG
Comment from venusanblue
great little poem. Those cold calls drive me mad too. Why do they call when your in the middle of a film,or real busy...why do they call at all. Lovedit, V,xxx
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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great little poem. Those cold calls drive me mad too. Why do they call when your in the middle of a film,or real busy...why do they call at all. Lovedit, V,xxx
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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They have data on us that we don't EVEN know about. Those demographic lists that are bought and sold have us pegged. They have it all down to a science when to call! That's what bothers me way beyond the actual call, also. Thanks for reading and for your review! Regards Sue
Comment from Domino
Hi, Sue.
I always interupt em politely and tell em I live in 'special rented accomadation' during my parole for sex deviency and non-payment of bills. They usually hang up and I haven't offended the nuicanses, LOL!
Great cinquain with every word counting in a strong and 'ranting' way. Great stuff, Ray xx
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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Hi, Sue.
I always interupt em politely and tell em I live in 'special rented accomadation' during my parole for sex deviency and non-payment of bills. They usually hang up and I haven't offended the nuicanses, LOL!
Great cinquain with every word counting in a strong and 'ranting' way. Great stuff, Ray xx
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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LOL, Ray!! You do kill me sometimes. "special rented accomodation" - HA!! Yeah, had to rant! Thanks for "listening"!! Sue
Comment from Algernon
Oh my, you have them too. I just pull off the handset and let them speak to themselves... So true, so very true, is this.....
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reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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Oh my, you have them too. I just pull off the handset and let them speak to themselves... So true, so very true, is this.....
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2008
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I'm getting to the point that I'm going to become unreachable by the telephone!! It's like, if you touch it, you may turn into a pillar of salt or something horrible!!! HA! Thanks for reading. Sue
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HAHAHA, oh how I loath them too...