Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Smack Down"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
18 total reviews
Comment from Domino
Hi, Gayle.
?Tony crouched in the cover of a dense shrub, waiting. Nostrils quivering, he caught Jim's scent. He stopped panting, body immobile, head cocked as though eavesdropping on his prey while they whispered to each other. He pressed himself into the bushes as he heard the sound of footsteps approaching, followed by more loud shouting. He lowered his head and crawled toward the gang. About ten feet from them he stopped and waited ? Excellent descriptive para of a dog ?on the scent?
Man down, Tony retreated into the shrubs. ? not sure, but shouldn?t ?man down? be in speech marks; looks odd to this Brit.
?It's me. Don't shoot." Hands up, Candace moved into the sweeping lights, a man close at her side. "Please, he's got a gun in my back." ? good! Some added tension as things were going too well.
Lenny found the body of Andy Baker? ? ?the body?? ? I guess this is supposed to make us think for an instant that he?s been killed?
?Mirandizing [ what?s that? ] the Ruskies
?the dog continued to love on Candace.? - ?? LOL!
Great action-packed finale, Gayle. You've kept away from Ruskie bodies being blown apart by 'friendly fire' with resultant inappropriate blood and gore. As intended, I suspect, you've made the dogs the real heroes. I'd have maybe considered one final and unexpected moment of terror to break up the happy family reunion, like a free Ruskie breaking up the celebrations, only to meet his come-uppance. But that's just being over critical, LOL
Congratulations on the completion of a superbly written book, and good luck with it. I've enjoyed the adventure.
Best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2008
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Hi, Gayle.
?Tony crouched in the cover of a dense shrub, waiting. Nostrils quivering, he caught Jim's scent. He stopped panting, body immobile, head cocked as though eavesdropping on his prey while they whispered to each other. He pressed himself into the bushes as he heard the sound of footsteps approaching, followed by more loud shouting. He lowered his head and crawled toward the gang. About ten feet from them he stopped and waited ? Excellent descriptive para of a dog ?on the scent?
Man down, Tony retreated into the shrubs. ? not sure, but shouldn?t ?man down? be in speech marks; looks odd to this Brit.
?It's me. Don't shoot." Hands up, Candace moved into the sweeping lights, a man close at her side. "Please, he's got a gun in my back." ? good! Some added tension as things were going too well.
Lenny found the body of Andy Baker? ? ?the body?? ? I guess this is supposed to make us think for an instant that he?s been killed?
?Mirandizing [ what?s that? ] the Ruskies
?the dog continued to love on Candace.? - ?? LOL!
Great action-packed finale, Gayle. You've kept away from Ruskie bodies being blown apart by 'friendly fire' with resultant inappropriate blood and gore. As intended, I suspect, you've made the dogs the real heroes. I'd have maybe considered one final and unexpected moment of terror to break up the happy family reunion, like a free Ruskie breaking up the celebrations, only to meet his come-uppance. But that's just being over critical, LOL
Congratulations on the completion of a superbly written book, and good luck with it. I've enjoyed the adventure.
Best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 09-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2008
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Hey Ray,
We had fun, huh? Well, this one is over and now, on to another! Thanks so much for the great comments along the way, my friend. Oh, Mirandizing..the old, 'you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Kym Jade
Sorry this one came to an end, hope you have another one soon. We know movies and the TV don't always tell us every thing. How did Andy and Candice get caught? Also thought the bad guys were told to kill Andy if they couldn't recapture him and get away? Could you explain this or did I miss something?
Is this right?
...joyous tableau as the dog continued to love on Candace.
Love and Blessings
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2008
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Sorry this one came to an end, hope you have another one soon. We know movies and the TV don't always tell us every thing. How did Andy and Candice get caught? Also thought the bad guys were told to kill Andy if they couldn't recapture him and get away? Could you explain this or did I miss something?
Is this right?
...joyous tableau as the dog continued to love on Candace.
Love and Blessings
Comment Written 09-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2008
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Metcha Ladies,
Well, that's done. Sometimes it's just about impossible to finish them. I so appreciate your comments throughout this endeavor and your loyalty.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from davidray
Hi Gayle!
Well done, my dear. Nothing to really report to you in the neagtive way of things. YOu seem to have things all wrapped up very well. Nice work and congrats on reaching the conclusion. YOu should be very pleased and proud of yourself.
A couple of small things I wanted to shoot by you:
-Nostrils quivering, he caught Jim's scent. (Just a thought: how about his nostrils flaring?)
-About ten feet from them(,) he stopped and waited.
-Before he could raise the muzzle and fire, (you told us in the last sentence that he all ready pulled and aimed his weapon, I think)
-She rushed to his side and sat, looking up in expectation. (Tee hee hee. Sounds like this is written in the dog's POV.)
Take care, keep smiling, and all the best, of course!!
Hugs and stuff,
David :)
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2008
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Hi Gayle!
Well done, my dear. Nothing to really report to you in the neagtive way of things. YOu seem to have things all wrapped up very well. Nice work and congrats on reaching the conclusion. YOu should be very pleased and proud of yourself.
A couple of small things I wanted to shoot by you:
-Nostrils quivering, he caught Jim's scent. (Just a thought: how about his nostrils flaring?)
-About ten feet from them(,) he stopped and waited.
-Before he could raise the muzzle and fire, (you told us in the last sentence that he all ready pulled and aimed his weapon, I think)
-She rushed to his side and sat, looking up in expectation. (Tee hee hee. Sounds like this is written in the dog's POV.)
Take care, keep smiling, and all the best, of course!!
Hugs and stuff,
David :)
Comment Written 08-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2008
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Hey David,
Those are some thoughts to consider. Now I'll take the book into the editing cave and do some fine tuning. Thanks for reading along through this one, your comments are appreciated.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from RenieReader
Go, Tony and Cricket!!!! Yay! Oh, I'm just grinning, crying, laughing and filled with joy over this outcome. The dogs really added to this story, Gayle. It is magnificent and I've loved every second of this story. Kudos and all that other wonderful stuff.
His startled expression followed by a shouted (omit==>a) warning got the men's attention.
Lenny pulled a knife from his pocket, made quick work of the tape(s) and helped Andy to his feet.
Do I dare mention that Evil Eddie got ya on spacing a couple of times??
Luvies,
Renie
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2008
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Go, Tony and Cricket!!!! Yay! Oh, I'm just grinning, crying, laughing and filled with joy over this outcome. The dogs really added to this story, Gayle. It is magnificent and I've loved every second of this story. Kudos and all that other wonderful stuff.
His startled expression followed by a shouted (omit==>a) warning got the men's attention.
Lenny pulled a knife from his pocket, made quick work of the tape(s) and helped Andy to his feet.
Do I dare mention that Evil Eddie got ya on spacing a couple of times??
Luvies,
Renie
Comment Written 08-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2008
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Hello Renie!
That EE, he's a dickens. I might have really spaced tooo much for the dog's pov, but I wanted to make sure it was clear.
Well, that's all, folks. Now, I'm going to the editing cave, probably never to be seen again.
Nah, I gotta keep my dog. Besides, there's another one that's been languishing and needs some resusitation.
Will fix the spaggies.
Much love,
Gayle
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This is such a fantastic series, Gayle. I hope you'll keep them going. I could see myself with a whole library of them.
Luv ya, sweetie.
Comment from c_lucas
A very well written ending. All the loose ends tied. It has a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2008
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A very well written ending. All the loose ends tied. It has a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2008
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Hey Charlie,
Thanks for reading along with this one. It was a fun ride and I appreciate your comments.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from butterflykiss
I'm sorry to read the ending. I feel this way every time I read a book that I enjoyed every page of. It ended happy with everyone making it home alright. I could picture the dogs in everything they done. I liked the rest of the characters, setting, and story line. Good luck on getting this one published.
Butterflykiss
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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2008
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I'm sorry to read the ending. I feel this way every time I read a book that I enjoyed every page of. It ended happy with everyone making it home alright. I could picture the dogs in everything they done. I liked the rest of the characters, setting, and story line. Good luck on getting this one published.
Butterflykiss
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Comment Written 08-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2008
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Ah yes, THE END. It's hard to do and hard to read sometimes. Well, I'll have to get back to the others. I have two stories about half finished, I just have to decide which one!
Thanks so much, my friend and hope to see you again soon,
Hugs,
Gayle
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Hi , You're welcome.
Butterflykiss
Comment from Logicat
Wonderful ending to an exciting story. Good story telling, great visuals. I especially liked the way you handled describing the dog's actions and behaviors, right on target. Thank you for the story.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2008
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Wonderful ending to an exciting story. Good story telling, great visuals. I especially liked the way you handled describing the dog's actions and behaviors, right on target. Thank you for the story.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2008
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My oh my, right out the chute! Hello, so nice to meet you and a huge thanks. I am truly touched, my new friend. It's daraned hard to be able to like the lsat chapter of the book so much.
Now I'm babbling...I do that, you'll come to find out.
Again, thank you for the sixer!
Best,
Gayle
Comment from RaymondJohn
Exciting finale that might be drawn out for even more suspense. Show the Russki watching, drawing a bead, etc. Show the Doberman approaching and pouncing. Get the timing down perfectly. You've got a great opportunity here. Even though it might sound as if it slowing the action down, extra detail can mean everything for this sort of scene. Best wishes. Ray.
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reply by the author on 08-Nov-2008
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Exciting finale that might be drawn out for even more suspense. Show the Russki watching, drawing a bead, etc. Show the Doberman approaching and pouncing. Get the timing down perfectly. You've got a great opportunity here. Even though it might sound as if it slowing the action down, extra detail can mean everything for this sort of scene. Best wishes. Ray.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2008
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Hi Ray,
Dang, you're right. Y'know, this was like being in a hard delivery! I just couldn't get it. Then, it came on with a rush. You are so right, my dear. I can't promise I'll do it here, but I WILL expand and then I'll paste you out the final chapter, or maybe I'll send you the whole book!
Bless you, dear, I wish you'd been there for the whole book!
Hugs,
Gayle
