Stalker
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Hunt!"Jim and Lenny are hired to find a stalker
18 total reviews
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Of course we trust you, Gayle. Otherwise, you'd have to fight evil editing eddie, which most of us don't bother to do. If I can't transfer it over from microsoft word without too much trouble, I normally don't bother. Well, one problem solved. Guess Sadie will have to settle for Russian cuisine, after all. Good job.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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Of course we trust you, Gayle. Otherwise, you'd have to fight evil editing eddie, which most of us don't bother to do. If I can't transfer it over from microsoft word without too much trouble, I normally don't bother. Well, one problem solved. Guess Sadie will have to settle for Russian cuisine, after all. Good job.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2008
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LOL! Jan, what a charming review. I swear, I have the best fans in the whole world. Well, Russian caviar is good...wonder if they might have a spare jar in their golve box, along with some Grey Poupon....oh dear, sorry about that. I need another cuppa!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Celtic~Soul
Darn, girl, 'nuf bad guys to go around and you just snuffed one! Nice look through the stalker's eyes and great action of the innocents by the pool. Fairly tight and great movement, really drew me through the chapter. Still hearing Boris inthe Russkies - oh, well, just my warped brain! My detailed comments, nothing too serious:
the kids in the - the other kids in the (otherwise I was confused if the girl on the slide was one of the adults or one of the children)
Their conversation, languid as befitting the warm afternoon, came to him in snatches. - Their languid conversation came to him in snatches on the warm afternoon breeze.
Just a question, but does Tom know the women's names, since this is his POV...I realize he's been watching them for a week, and I missed a chapter or six (gad!), so he may know this info. If not, you shouldn't use their names in the speech tags and action, since he wouldn't have this information
kids jumped out of the pool and started climbing the ladder again. - maybe: climbed out of the pool and scrambled up the ladder again.
his gun and nodding, led the way - gun and led - the and nodding is a bit awkward and seems unneeded
Lush, fragrant flowers perfumed the whole area, beguiling the bees that wove in and out seeking nectar. Hummingbirds floated on the air, kissing the blossoms then darting away.
- Fabulous, Gayle, just fab! (altho' you could maybe drop 'whole' doesn't really add)
Okay, more more more! What happens next?
Hugs n stuff!
Dawn
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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Darn, girl, 'nuf bad guys to go around and you just snuffed one! Nice look through the stalker's eyes and great action of the innocents by the pool. Fairly tight and great movement, really drew me through the chapter. Still hearing Boris inthe Russkies - oh, well, just my warped brain! My detailed comments, nothing too serious:
the kids in the - the other kids in the (otherwise I was confused if the girl on the slide was one of the adults or one of the children)
Their conversation, languid as befitting the warm afternoon, came to him in snatches. - Their languid conversation came to him in snatches on the warm afternoon breeze.
Just a question, but does Tom know the women's names, since this is his POV...I realize he's been watching them for a week, and I missed a chapter or six (gad!), so he may know this info. If not, you shouldn't use their names in the speech tags and action, since he wouldn't have this information
kids jumped out of the pool and started climbing the ladder again. - maybe: climbed out of the pool and scrambled up the ladder again.
his gun and nodding, led the way - gun and led - the and nodding is a bit awkward and seems unneeded
Lush, fragrant flowers perfumed the whole area, beguiling the bees that wove in and out seeking nectar. Hummingbirds floated on the air, kissing the blossoms then darting away.
- Fabulous, Gayle, just fab! (altho' you could maybe drop 'whole' doesn't really add)
Okay, more more more! What happens next?
Hugs n stuff!
Dawn
Comment Written 26-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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As, Duchess Dawn, welcome to my humble abode.
Man, what a super duper review. Always filled with great tidbits...you have an eagle eye. I've pasted it out and will edit in an hour or so. You're such a sweet friend and your expertise is sooooooo neeced by this lowely Countess!
I'm off to repair...
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're most welcome, Countess! I have skimmed part 2 - oh my! Will drop in later or tomorrow and earn some pocket change with a review. Sat. eve, just got the kids out of the bath. Dad's getting them snack and then it's off to bed, at last. Ahh, the slience of sleeping children!
The Duchess
Comment from Lynn27
Hi Gayle,
Nice hook at the end of this chapter! As always, it is amazing read that leaves me wanting more and more.
I found no nits. Your details were great!
Excellent Chapter!
Lynn
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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Hi Gayle,
Nice hook at the end of this chapter! As always, it is amazing read that leaves me wanting more and more.
I found no nits. Your details were great!
Excellent Chapter!
Lynn
Comment Written 26-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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Hey Lynn,
Thanks so much for the fine R&R and your comments. Thenext chapter was just released!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from c_lucas
New threats one - Stalker zero. A very intersting twist to your story. Well written with good imagery dan descsritive scheme.
I was wondering where the dog was doing all of this.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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New threats one - Stalker zero. A very intersting twist to your story. Well written with good imagery dan descsritive scheme.
I was wondering where the dog was doing all of this.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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LOL Charlie,
Thanks for stopping by and having a R&R. I kept this one short...the other chapter , part two, will be out in a minute or two.
Thanks so much for the read!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Already read it and reveiwed. Could not find your thread. Charlie
Comment from Max Edon
I have not read the previous chapters, but this story flowed well and was well-written. It was interesting and the conversations were realistic.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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I have not read the previous chapters, but this story flowed well and was well-written. It was interesting and the conversations were realistic.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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Hey Max! Man, it's been ages. Where've you been?
So nice to see you back and thanks for stopping by,
Gayle
Comment from PrincessinPurple
This chapter doesn't look like it needs any revising. I like Dimitri, the name is unique. Haven't seen it spell that way before. The words d create and image in my mind. I hope that this story turns out well for you.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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This chapter doesn't look like it needs any revising. I like Dimitri, the name is unique. Haven't seen it spell that way before. The words d create and image in my mind. I hope that this story turns out well for you.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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Hi Princess,
In some circles, I'm known as Countess. Nice to meet you and thanks for stopping by for an R&R. I hope you come back again,
Gayle
Comment from Korton
As the old saying goes, "The price of poker just went up." It would appear that Tom the stalker was in actuality the least of their worries. Logically, the Ruskis will move in immediately and hold everyone hostage. Meanwhile, the aroma of Tom's decomp will soon be prevalent in the California heat. Very well done.
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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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As the old saying goes, "The price of poker just went up." It would appear that Tom the stalker was in actuality the least of their worries. Logically, the Ruskis will move in immediately and hold everyone hostage. Meanwhile, the aroma of Tom's decomp will soon be prevalent in the California heat. Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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Hey Frank,
I know you're going to love the next one, too. Man, this is so much fun! Wait 'til you see!
So, we need to hear from you again, my friend. What's cookin'?
Big thanks and hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
So it's goodbye to Tom Harris. Oh well, he wasn't worth keeping anyway, but it would've been interesting for him to have thrown more of a monkey wrench into the works. But maybe he'll do that posthumously.
I enjoyed reading this short post, and I couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave M
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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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Gayle,
So it's goodbye to Tom Harris. Oh well, he wasn't worth keeping anyway, but it would've been interesting for him to have thrown more of a monkey wrench into the works. But maybe he'll do that posthumously.
I enjoyed reading this short post, and I couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave M
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2008
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Hey Dave,
LOL, I don't know why I like to do that. Remember in Lethal Intent where we first went after murders and ended up with terrorists? Or Firestorm? Same abrupt shift. I just love to do that. Look for posthumus wrenches!
Thanks for the graet R&R, my friend. How goes it in hell?
Hugs,
Gayle
