Comment from J.E. Brown

Excellent

This story does hit the essence of the contest. A true love story. Good luck in the contest, although I'm sure you'll do fine.

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2008

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2008

Thank you

Comment from Vladilynn

Excellent

Geessssshh!! I liked this story!!! I wanted more too!
The scenes are great and the flow of your words are really great and makes me want more.
I have to read once again for one part that I didn't understand well. I've read this too fast but I saw the wonderful idea of the story already.

I'll be back and re-read again after work!
thank you for sharing

Lynn
( ^ ___________ ^ )}}

Nice meeting you!

 Comment Written 21-Oct-2008

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2008

Thankyou, lynn, glad you liked it so much

Comment from ledford

Excellent

A slight frown marred her perfect brow. ... Great description:-)

expecting to see teasing. ... this was a little awkward. You may want to describe what look or actions he expected to see

He looked unconvinced. ... I would start a new paragraph with this since it is a change in the POV

She was waiting for him, even though he was earlier than he?d ever been before. ... I would indicate that you are back in present time somehow. A few more line spaces maybe?

Good luck in the contest:-)

 Comment Written 21-Oct-2008

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2008

Thank you, ledford. I appreciate the generous rating and the suggestions. I'll take a look at those.

Comment from medicnate

Excellent

I would not change it. Hard to see anything that would make it better. The only think I wish is that there was more. Are you going to turn this story into a book?

 Comment Written 19-Oct-2008

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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2008

Thank you so much. As a matter of fact, I've been working on making this into a full length novel. I've almost finished a chapter telling how Nicolette was turned, for the "Hell found me." contest. I'd love to hear what you think of it.

reply by medicnate on 19-Oct-2008

You seem to be a very talented writer. I would love to hear what you think about my book Sustenance. I am also entering a story for this contest and hope you take a look at it also. I am very new to writing and would love to hear anything you have to say about it. I look forward to reading the rest of your book.

-medicnate-

Comment from FWAR

Good

This one I thought was the best of the stories. I have absloutely nothing to complain about. Good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2008

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reply by the author on 08-Oct-2008

Thank you. If it was the best and there is nothing wrong with it, why did you give 4 stars?

Comment from NinaC

Excellent

Amazing!-one word describes it all yet it doesnt seem worthy enough. I feel this story is perfect and I just can't stop reading it!

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2008

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2008

Thank you, Nina. I'm going to write more about these characters. In fact, I've already started a piece describing Nicolette's turning. It's a contest entry.

Comment from Marjorie D.

Excellent

This is very enjoyable, Red. The tension is definitely there. It took me a minute to decide who was actually the vampire at first. Then the clues got clearer. In particular, I enjoyed that he was willing to become a vampire for her, and she was unwilling to change him for his own good. Both of them were trying to be selfless.

Good luck!

Marjorie

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2008

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2008

Thank you, Marjorie. The confusion as to who the vamp was is deliberate--glad to hear that worked. I appreciate the kind review.

Comment from DixieDarling

Exceptional

Loved it! I like that you used a female vamp-- seems uncommon, really. Buffy and Twilight all rolled into one! I enjoyed her speech... It had that slightly stilted quality of not being a "modern" person... Really well done, love!

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2008

Wow, a six! Thanks so much, Melissa, glad you enjoyed it.

Comment from Scribbelini

Excellent

read you head hopping post

It can be done. cuddled up...
He held her close. maybe she could convince him she'd stay. If she could, it would be the most loving and unselfish thing anyone had done for him. Just a suggestion

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2008

Thanks for the great review and the suggestion. IMO, it's gott to many 'could/would's. I think I'm going to leave it as is.

reply by Scribbelini on 13-Aug-2008

You're right, and it's ok for dramatic effect to head hop

Comment from Stacia Ann

Good

Hi, Red. I've entered this, too, so I thought I'd stop by.
I like how you set the scene from the beginning, a man on the prowl. I like the chemistry between the man and woman.

I like his internal conflict at dealing with the information. I like how they resolve the problem, Nicolette's humanity showing.

Concerns: Not sure if the switches from Brandon's POV (point of view) to Nicolette's work--suggest staying in his, as he tries to deal with the problem and relate to Nicolette.
Thanks for sharing this. Good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 12-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2008

Thanks for the review and the point. I will take a look at that. I'm not bothered by 'head hopping', but maybe in this instance it should stick with the one character.

reply by Stacia Ann on 13-Aug-2008

If I helped in any way, I'm glad to. Of course it is only my opinion and your story.
All the Best and good luck with the contest.
Stacia